


The Soul of the Rebellion

by the_space_between_all_things



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Consent, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Fusion of Star Wars Legends and Disney Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Inner workings of the Rebellion, Lots of feelings with a little background action, Mild Language, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rogue One Spoilers, Slow Burn, Whatever Diego Luna says about Cassian is canon, injuries, sickbay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:27:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 46,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21805885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_space_between_all_things/pseuds/the_space_between_all_things
Summary: She didn’t have it in her to look through the viewport and watch the gigantic wave come towards and almost swallow them, like she had on Jedha. A strange calm had come over her, like nothing really mattered anymore. Or maybe she had just given all she had and there was nothing left now. She just wanted to sit there, hold Cassian’s hand, watch his chest move slowly to make sure he was still breathing.[This is mostly me imagining what the Rogue One team would have been doing before, during and after Episode IV. After the events of Episode IV there will be a mission and some plot. :)The Rebellion isn’t as dark in my version as in many other fanfics (I just refuse to believe it would be), but there will be some problems ... And of course this is a Rebelcaptain fic: Jyn and Cassian both know what needs to happen between them but can't quite get there.]*** This fic is on hiatus at the moment, but the slow burn arc has kind of come to a (happy) conclusion with chapter 10, so it should still be a satisfying read I hope :) ***
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso, Jyn Erso & Bodhi Rook, background Chirrut Îmwe/Baze Malbus
Comments: 80
Kudos: 136





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Be aware that this is a mix-up of new and old canon - I'm a big fan of the old Expanded Universe so there might be some characters from that thrown in here.
> 
> I'm not quite sure about my posting schedule yet, but I have some chapters finished so you can expect one a week - at least for the first few weeks :) 
> 
> And last but not least: This is the first fanfic I have ever posted here, the first one I have written in many, many years and the first long one I have ever written in English. Please forgive me if there should be weird grammar or other mistakes! I'm still looking for a native speaking beta :) Comments would be so, so highly appreciated!

### Jyn

Everything happened so fast. Afterwards she almost can’t remember how they all got on the shuttle and out of the burning, drowning hell that was Scarif. Up until then she had been hyperfocused, every little detail had stood out like in a black and white drawing, but those last minutes are all blurred at the edges. Bodhi swooping in with a shuttle – a different one than that with which they had come – Baze shouting at her at the top of his lungs, her desperate struggle to get Cassian on board, who didn’t have much strength left to move at all, then their collapse on the ship’s floor while she could hear Bodhi’s desperate cursing in the cockpit and the shuttle’s screeches while he tried to get as much speed out of it as he could.

She didn’t have it in her to look through the viewport and watch the gigantic wave coming towards and almost swallowing them, like she had on Jedha. A strange calm had come over her, like nothing really mattered anymore. Or maybe she had just given all she had and there was nothing left now. She just wanted to sit there, hold Cassian’s hand, watch his chest move slowly to make sure he was still breathing. With one hand she clung to a handrail on the cargo hold’s wall to stabilize herself while the ship bucked and struggled to get out of the atmosphere, with the other she never let go of Cassian, who was right beside her, lying flat on the floor to favor his injured back. He pulled her hand to his stomach and held it there, squeezing it almost painfully hard. She couldn’t tell if it was from the pain or something else. He was blinking, closing his eyes sometimes for minutes, but when his gaze met hers she saw the same things she felt – wonder, fear, elation.

_We’re alive. We’re going to get out of here._

The whooping sounds coming out of the cockpit alerted her to the fact that they must have made it out of the atmosphere. After they had dodged countless pieces of debris which must have been left by the space battle the familiar swirls of hyperspace finally showed themselves outside the viewports. The tension in the ship broke. Cheers erupted. Somehow she must have gotten up because she was hugged tightly first by Baze, then by Bodhi and two or three rebel soldiers she didn’t even know by name. Two or three. So few.

She only allowed herself this small moment of celebration before she knelt back down by Cassian’s side. Even he was smiling, something she had seen very rarely. It was a tense smile though, he was obviously in a lot of pain, now that all the adrenaline had started to wear off. Baze, having already administered first aid to Chirrut, wordlessly handed her a medkit.

She gave Cassian some stim shots, administered bacta patches where she could and settled by his side again. Careful not to touch any injuries, she took his hand and moved it back to the same position it had been in before. It calmed her to feel his warmth and the slight movement of his stomach under her hand. Obviously the painkillers started working because his gaze began to become clouded, unfocused.

"Jyn", he whispered with a sigh, before his eyes closed.

"We’ll be home soon", she said quietly, squeezing his hand, meaning: _I’m here._

* * *

As soon as they land at the base on Yavin IV, an unconscious Cassian and Chirrut are transported to the medbay, leaving her, Baze and Bodhi to the spontaneous applause of the hangar personnel and those who had obviously assembled specifically to welcome them back. There are people actually _cheering_ for them when they walk down the shuttle’s ramp and Jyn is truly unsettled by this. She hates to be the center of attention, especially when she feels she is being praised for something that is unnecessary to be praised for. _Not that this has happened often before._

Bodhi passes her an uncertain glance, but soon his face shows a relieved smile and he gives a shy wave to the assembled hangar deck technicians, mechanics, pilots and whatnot. Baze just looks spooked and suspicious, as always. And exhausted, as they probably all do. The ancient architecture of the great Yavin temple lends an even more unreal feeling to it all.

Jyn stops at the bottom of the ramp, blinded by the light of the setting sun, uncertain where to go, what to do now. All she really wants is to stay with Cassian, but the med droids have shooed her out of the way and everything happened too fast. She clenches and unclenches her fists anxiously until she realizes what she is doing and crosses her arms instead. Luckily the cheering dies down when two tall figures push through the crowd. From the unmistakable white robe and red hair she recognizes Mon Mothma, and beside her is General Draven. Her heart jumps involuntarily. _He. The man who ordered Papa’s death._

"Jyn Erso", Mon Mothma greets her warmly. She takes her right hand in both of hers. Her voice is serious when she says, "Thank you for what you did for the Rebellion. For the Alliance. We will not forget it.“ She makes sure to look at Bodhi and Baze and hold eye contact with them for at least a few seconds, too, making sure they know they are addressed, as well.

Draven looks more reluctant, but he gives her a nod. "Thank you, Ms Erso", he says. "You and Captain Andor did a great service to the Rebellion. We were able to celebrate our first victory today. Our comm systems are already bursting with requests for information about joining the Alliance from star systems too frightened to decide on anything before."

Jyn tries to determine if she hears anything like an apology in his words, but there is nothing, although she is not entirely sure if that is due to her exhaustion and inability to feel anything right now. She just replies with: "We had heavy casualties. Only a few of Captain Andor’s men made it back here. You should see to it that they are honored in every way possible. We could not have done it without them."

She gets a serious and sad nod from Mon Mothma, and an "Of course", while Draven only looks down briefly. _He’s probably thinking how they all disobeyed orders and don’t deserve anything._

"Are the plans safe? Did they make it?" Some part of her wonders why she didn’t think to ask about this right away.

"Yes, for the moment", Draven says with an unreadable expression. "They got safely away with Princess Leia on the Tantive IV, but Darth Vader’s star destroyer followed in pursuit. We can only hope that the Tantive can slip through."

Jyn tenses and just nods. _It worked. We did our part_ , she has to remind herself, but it nevertheless feels terrible that after all everything is still in jeopardy.

"Would you be so kind to follow us to the war room, where we can debrief you and your command crew?", the senator asks.

Jyn almost laughs. Debrief them? It’s not as if they were on an official Alliance mission. She looks to Baze for support and he just rolls his eyes, but nods slightly. Bodhi is too twitchy to even recognize the unspoken question. But what else is there to do? She follows Draven and Mon Mothma, Baze and Bodhi trailing behind her.

***

Fortunately, the meeting does not take long, as Alliance command already knows about most of the battle from their surviving fleet commanders and pilots. Jyn is exhausted and feels like she might collapse at any moment, but strangely she cannot seem to find rest. The only thing on her mind is Cassian and even though the rational part of her constantly reminds her that he will be okay she cannot stop worrying. His injuries are not serious enough to be lethal, but she cannot shake this suffocating feeling that hurts more than her own scrapes and bruises. So Baze’s and her first stop after the meeting is the medbay.

The makeshift medbay is cramped, another small maze inside the huge maze that is Base One. The first room is a kind of triage area where patients are lying or sitting about on cots, waiting their turn. Med droids and a few doctors are hustling about, but there seem to be far too few of them to attend to everyone quickly, as the aftermath of the battle of Scarif is clearly not over. Jyn can see lots of people here that she assumes got injured in the great space battle, and far too few survivors from the ground battle. Some just give her a bored stare when she passes, but some start whispering. The chaos is big enough that no one bothers them when she and Baze move from room to room, trying hard to ignore the awed and sometimes suspicious glances thrown their way. Word must have gotten around quickly. One time they are stopped by a med droid who asks them if they need any medical attention and they use the opportunity to get some bandages and bacta patches for their own injuries, with the assurance that they are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves.

In a room farther back they finally find Chirrut. Jyn suppresses a small smile when Baze immediately speeds up, eager to get to Chirrut’s side. The blind man lies on a cot with huge bacta patches applied to his several blaster burns, looking as serene as ever, only a little paler than usual. Before Baze can even reach his side, he says: "Took you long enough. They wanted to know every detail right now, yes? Seems a little impatient considering they didn’t even want to let us do this in the first place." When he is speaking his strained expression betrays the fact that he has to be in more pain than he lets on.

"You bet. Now shut up and rest." Baze gives a small shake of the head and places a quick but soft kiss on Chirrut’s forehead, who immediately smiles. He does not have to say anything more, just takes Chirrut’s hand and sits down on the side of his bed. Jyn smiles and lets them be. When she turns to leave, Chirrut calls in her direction: "He’s in the bacta tank right now. Don’t worry. The force is calm around him."

She sends an uneasy smile his way and replies: "Thanks, Chirrut. Get some rest."

After that, she asks for direction to the bacta ward and sneaks inside the room. The noise of the crowded medbay immediately dies down when she shuts the door behind her. Only the quiet humming of the tank – they only seem to have one here – and the low beeping noises of some apparatus remain.

And there he is, floating in the clear liquid, unconscious, or maybe in some kind of medically induced sleep. She carefully approaches the tank, suddenly self-conscious about disturbing the quiet here. A thought shoots through her head, almost painfully. _He probably wouldn’t be too happy about me seeing him like this, helpless, vulnerable, floating and almost naked._ She knows it’s probably an invasion of privacy, but she can’t help herself, she really can’t. She slowly exhales and tenderly touches the glass. _You’re alive. You’re alive. You came back for me._ He looks years younger than she has ever seen him, all the deep lines smoothed out of his face, and she realizes that she doesn’t even know his age. Doesn’t know much or anything about him, really, and something in her chest strangely tightens. _I want to know you. Don’t leave now, I just found you._ She trails her fingertips along the glass and looks intently up at him, as if she had suddenly acquired the talent of telepathy and could make him hear her thoughts. _I miss you. We have been separated only for a few hours and I miss you. I’m pathetic._

"What are you doing? You can’t be in here!"

Jyn jumps and at the last second controls the urge to draw her blaster out of pure reflex. She forces herself to turn around slowly and there’s a Twi’lek doctor standing in the doorway, arms crossed and frowning. She never heard her coming.

"I … I’m sorry, I …" She must look so flustered that the doctor takes pity, because her expression goes from furious to questioning. She slightly inclines her head and squints at Jyn. Then she says, "Are you his girlfriend or something? I’m sorry but I do not recall having seen you before."

As if this situation could get any more embarrassing, Jyn feels her face flush. "I … what?! No, I just …" She helplessly trails off, the Twi’lek still eyeing her suspiciously.

"Hmm, yeah, okay. Never took _him_ for the girlfriend type anyway." Jyn is not sure if she should take offense at this, for her or for Cassian’s sake.

"Yeah, I, um, I just had to make sure he was okay." Her voice is hoarse. The doctor still looks suspicious, but she seems more relaxed now.

"Are you from the Rogue One team?" she asks.

"Yes." Jyn answers after only a slight hesitation. No use denying that one.

Now the doctor’s eyes go almost round. "Wow. Thank you for all you did. It was just what the Alliance needed, even though your actions filled up my medbay quite a bit more than I would have liked." Jyn looks at the wall for a moment as the unbidden, still fresh memory of all those they lost on Scarif jumps on her. Those who were not even lucky enough to be in this medbay right now. She just nods. The doctor looks almost apologetic all of a sudden.

"Look, nevertheless I can’t let you be in here. I’m sorry. He’ll be out in two more hours."

Jyn nods. "Of course, thank you", she says, in control again, and hesitates just a second to steal one more look at Cassian’s perfectly peaceful face before she leaves the bacta ward behind.

***

They assign her a small cabin somewhere in the maze that is the great Massassi temple, complete with a cot and blankets and everything, but she only takes a quick look inside. Yavin Base is an odd place, at one moment it feels too cramped, because everything is wedged into corners between great stone pillars while flimsy duraplast walls try to provide something like privacy, but at another there are sudden open spaces and halls that stretch upwards several meters, so one feels lost inside them. Everything looks new and ancient, chaotic and serene at the same time.

The base is always busy, lots of people constantly move around, ships take off and come in again, but an uneasy silence seems to have settled on everyone. A tension so heavy Jyn thinks she can almost physically touch it if she tried. The news has spread like wildfire that their fate now lies in the hands of one princess and the crew of one Rebel corvette. No one knows what is going to happen. All the more reason why Jyn can’t seem to find any rest. Winding down after a mission for Saw was always difficult too, but this is a whole other level. On the one hand she is so wired up she feels twitchy and her brain can’t stop racing through all possible future scenarios – will they manage to get the plans here, will the base be discovered, will they really get a chance to destroy the Death Star? On the other hand, she feels tired like never before in her life, with every bruise hurting simultaneously, and the urge to lie down becomes overwhelming. But no, not before Cassian is out of the bacta tank, before she can take his hand, feel his pulse and make sure he’s okay.

Her feet unconsciously take her to the great hangar, where some part of her mind knows she will find Bodhi. It doesn’t take long and she spots him sitting on a crate, watching ships being unloaded and refueled with an empty stare. Apparently sleep does not come to him easily either.

She is almost right beside him before he notices her.

"Jyn!" Emotion flickers in his eyes, he eases himself off of the crate and pulls her into a tight hug. Jyn suddenly feels as if she has something stuck in her throat. She squeezes her eyes shut and allows herself to just relax into the hug for a moment, relieved that they are all still here.

"Hey, Bodhi", she says against his uniform. "Cassian’s still in the bacta tank." It comes out involuntarily, but with Bodhi she always feels like she doesn’t have to hide anything. He shivers and hugs her even tighter before he lets her go, shaking almost.

"Yes, I … I figured. He’ll be okay though, Jyn. He has to be.“ He looks down and begins picking on some of the scrapes on his hands.

"I know, I know. He will." She makes herself sound more confident than she feels, for Bodhi’s sake. "I can’t remember if I already said it, but thanks for getting us out of there."

Bodhi nods several times, still looking down. "I’m the pilot, aren’t I?" he says with an uneasy smile and looks at her through his eyelashes.

Jyn lays a hand on his arm. "Want to come to the medbay with me and wait for him? Correct me if I’m wrong, but you don’t look like you’re getting any sleep anytime soon. And maybe you should let someone have a look at those scrapes, too."

Bodhi looks up now, his eyes small, exhausted. Something hides in there, in his deep brown eyes. Something like terror. Must be all the adrenaline that is gone now, and Jyn wonders if she looks the same. He nods, some seconds later, as if he suddenly remembers that she’s still standing there.

"Yes, yes, sure."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone who has commented on the first chapter - I'm so happy you guys like it so far! Here comes the next one.
> 
> Very special thanks goes to [imsfire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imsfire/pseuds/imsfire) for beta reading! :)

### 

Cassian

The first time he wakes up it is to a jumble of voices talking loudly – too loudly – all at the same time. He can only make out small parts of sentences – "you can’t all be in here at the same time, this is a medbay, not the mess hall!" – "well, _he’s_ here all the time!" – "Chirrut, stop moving, the bacta patch will come off again" – and among all this, a very quiet sound, Jyn’s laugh. When he slowly drags his eyelids open he can see her sitting by his side, her head turned away from him, to whomever is standing by the door that is opposite from his cot. He can’t feel much of anything from the waist down, but somehow he is too tired and drowsy to worry about that. He turns his head to the side and tries to move his arm towards Jyn. She turns her head and her eyes widen in surprise. 

"You’re awake!" She smiles at him and surely it is the painkillers, but the thought shooting through his head is, _this might just be the most beautiful thing I have ever woken up to_. "They put you in the bacta tank for a few hours. You have a spinal injury, broken leg and some cracked ribs. It looked pretty bad but you will be okay." A light squeeze to his hand. Others rush to his bedside, he can make out Bodhi’s and Baze’s faces amidst all the haze. And then the angry voice of someone he thinks must be Lieutenant Bar’ki, the doctor. 

"Come on people, get out of here! Let me get to my patient, please. Move it." He sees the face of the blue-skinned Twi’lek woman hover over him with a professionally worried expression, then his eyelids get too heavy again, and he drops into another deep, dreamless sleep.

***

The second time he wakes up everything is quiet. Too quiet, almost. When he blinks to clear his sight the medbay manifests once more before his eyes, the light dimmed, some machines blinking silently in a quiet rhythm. No one is there, Jyn gone from his side, although there is still a chair beside his cot, abandoned now. He feels a strange, irritating ache in his chest before he can quickly shove it down again. He has never needed another person to keep him company, not even in his not too infrequent stays in the medbay. He prefers to be alone. K-2 had been more than enough. 

_K-2_. The memory rushes over him in an instant and something tight grips his chest. _Right. K-2 is gone._ He must have made a sound at that, because he suddenly hears a voice, saying: "She’ll be back soon. She has stayed by your side all this while, you know. Even when you were in the bacta tank, I heard." It’s Chirrut, with that annoyingly serene and confident voice, as if all is well in the galaxy, when in fact, nothing is well. If nothing else, the smirk in his voice would have given him up. 

He makes an effort to turn his head and there is the not-a-Jedi in another cot, two beds over from him. Serenely smiling at the ceiling, as if he is not even aware of the fact that he is also pretty roughed up. There are bandages all over him.

Cassian draws a quiet breath, slowly and deliberately. His ribs slightly hurt, but apart from that, he still feels nothing. The painkillers must be doing their thing. "The plans?", he manages, his voice rough and scratchy from not speaking for so long. "Did they get away?" 

Chirrut’s smile changes into something more sorrowful. "I can’t tell you, Captain. They don’t tell us much." 

"I have to …" He is about to try to sit up and swing his legs over the side of the cot when he realizes that the sitting up part alone makes him dizzy and he still can’t feel his legs. He lies back with a frustrated sigh. 

A med droid enters, obviously alerted by some machine that tracks his vitals. "You should not try to move. Your condition is still serious and your next bacta immersion is scheduled in three hours. You should rest until then", it states matter-of-factly. Cassian murmurs something in Festian, but closes his eyes again. It takes only minutes and he is asleep again.

### 

Jyn

She tried to find sleep, she really did. They all stayed with Cassian as long as possible, but after some time the Twi’lek doctor put on a stern face and sent them away to stop crowding her medbay and get some rest. Jyn is doubtful though that it worked with Baze. She thinks she saw him sneak right back in just after the doctor vanished to check on other patients. 

She escorted Bodhi to his quarters, as he wanted to give sleep another chance, and she really hopes for him that it worked. For herself, it hasn’t. She doesn’t even know how many hours she has been awake now. Of course, on the ship there had been a brief period of exhausted, dreamless sleep while they were in hyperspace. But paradoxically in space she hadn’t felt as uneasy, as foreign as here. 

The first time she had been at Yavin base she had felt - and had been, for a time - like a prisoner. Then, her first goal had been to take everything in, to gather as much information as possible, like she usually does out of self-preservation. Just to be able to assess her situation and find her way out quickly, should the need arise. It had felt just like another temporary place to pass through. Now it is a completely different matter. 

She hadn’t really expected to die on Scarif, even though she knows in her heart that Cassian thought he would. Still, she didn’t think much further ahead than the mission. Didn’t think that this could in fact become real for her. The Rebellion. Commitment? A purpose? _A home?_

_Welcome home_ , he’d said. 

And the elevator. The elevator keeps popping up in her head. She wanted to kiss him so badly then, but somehow … In that moment, it had seemed like there were no barriers left between them, like they were able to gaze into each other’s souls. That is why she is almost sure that Cassian had also thought about kissing her in the exact same moment. But still … they both let it come and go. They had both been paralyzed by the possibilities. After that, at the beach, it had been back to just survival. Jyn wouldn’t even be sure that the moment had been real were it not for this indistinct, constant ache of regret in her chest that doesn’t seem to go away. 

_Kiss Cassian Andor. Stupid._

She sighs. Something will have to be done about that. About her place in the Rebellion. About this thing with Cassian that she has a feeling will not go away. She tries to imagine a life in the Rebellion where she stays at the base, tasked with training recruits in hand-to-hand combat or something similar, while he goes away on missions, on _assassinations_ , and it doesn’t even compute, for various reasons.

Still, after an hour of wandering around and getting lost in the corridors of Yavin base, she returns to the medbay, unable to resist the magnetic pull that seems to call her back. Every other place just seems wrong.

When she gets back to the room he shares with Chirrut and two other soldiers, careful not to let anyone notice her slip inside, the lights are dimmed and everyone seems to be peacefully at rest, even Chirrut and Baze, who is snoring softly on a chair beside his partner’s cot.

Carefully she steps around Cassian’s bed and sits back down on the chair she procured earlier. He still looks peaceful and young in sleep, so very young. Some of his hair has fallen into his eyes. She barely resists the urge to brush it back.

The chair is uncomfortable, but Jyn leans against the wall beside her and closes her eyes with a soft sigh. This feels like the only place in this huge facility where she can have at least a little bit of peace. If she reaches out with her hand, she can touch Cassian’s arm, and that is all that matters right now. 

### 

Cassian

The third time he wakes up Jyn is back. She sits in the chair and seems to be fast asleep, her head leaning against the wall behind his bed. It looks very uncomfortable and she looks exhausted, frail almost. He can’t help but wonder how much time has passed since he was brought here. Hasn’t she slept at all? A short taking stock of his own body reveals that he can finally feel his legs again, even though a strange tingling remains. The second bacta immersion must already be over. Good. Maybe still too soon to try to stand up, though.

In the far corner he can hear Chirrut and Baze talk quietly to each other. Two other soldiers he knows only slightly are sleeping in the other two beds in the room. When he stirs, tries to move his legs, Jyn wakes up and seems disoriented at first. She blinks several times, but when she notices him looking at her she seems relieved.

"Hey", she says softly. "How are you feeling?"

"Better", he replies hoarsely. "Although it could be much better if I knew something about the situation. Are they safe? The plans?"

An unhappy look flickers over Jyn’s face. "I’m not sure", she admits. "They don’t tell me much of anything … It seems they got away, but I know nothing about the current status. The base has been on yellow alert the whole time since we came back. Everyone’s on edge."

"I have to talk to Draven."

"He came here once or twice I think, but the doctor always shooed him away."

He almost smiles at the thought of Draven being "shooed" anywhere. "He wouldn’t talk to you?" He can’t say he is surprised, but still.

"No, why would he? I think he finds it convenient enough that we were there to do the dirty work, but now I’m just the untrustworthy rebel that unfortunately came back from the suicide mission. It could be almost funny. The rebel in the Rebellion." She laughs without humor. 

Cassian furrows his brows and takes his time to answer. This brings up issues he didn’t want to think about so soon. He had been convinced that Jyn’s place would be with the Rebellion now, and that everyone had to see that as clearly as he did. A part of him had also believed that they wouldn’t make it back from Scarif anyway, so that had been a problem he had left for a future version of himself to deal with. 

"I will talk to him", he says carefully.

She looks at him, unconvinced, resigned, almost. "Yeah." 

He suddenly longs to feel her hand in his again, an itch, almost physical. He wants to reassure her that everything will be okay, that his "welcome home" had not been said casually, but had been meant as a real promise that he plans on keeping.

Jyn seems to read his thoughts because she briefly looks at his hand, curled on the sheet. But she hesitates, her eyes flickering over to the other beds, to Baze and Chirrut at the other end of the room, who have gone suspiciously quiet.

"Your second bacta treatment is over", she says instead. "As far as the doctor told me, you will need a third. I don’t really know how these things go, but I think they might let you leave after that one." Nice change of topic.

He nods, trying to capture her gaze, convey with his eyes what he is just unable to say out loud. "Thanks, Jyn." _Thank you for being here. I will keep my promise. I will._

She looks surprised, shakes her head. "For what?" she asks softly. She gets up and sits down at the side of his bed, facing the wall, away from the other people in the room who are all more or less pretending to be asleep. Her hand casually brushes his arm. 

He carefully moves it, slowly lets his fingers trail down her forearm and rests his hand on top of hers. He keeps his eyes deliberately on their hands when he says: "For getting me out of there." 

She lets out a small laugh and shakes her head again disbelievingly. But her eyes lock with his when she whispers: "You came back for me." Her voice is heavy with emotion and makes Cassian’s throat close up. Doesn’t she already know this? He will _always_ come back for her. Since Jedha, where this inexplicable thing began, this is all he has been doing. 

In the background Cassian can hear something that sounds a lot like a person getting slapped and a resulting muffled protest sound from Baze. Chirrut says something, but it is too low to understand. He tries to ignore them. 

"Anytime." 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone!! I'm sorry this chapter is a bit late, that is due to the holidays and me travelling. It is extra long though, I hope you all like it! There might be some mild Wedge/Bodhi shipping and Legends EU name dropping in here, you have been warned.
> 
> A huge thanks goes again to imsfire for beta reading!

###  Cassian 

After three days in bed and the bacta tank, the doctor sends Cassian out on short walks through the base to avoid muscle deterioration. Even though he is not officially discharged from medbay, he immediately begins stopping by the Intelligence center in order to reestablish contact with some of his informants and agents still out on missions, all the while waiting anxiously for some word from Princess Leia. It just comes naturally to him, and this way he doesn’t have to think too much about K-2SO or this unresolved thing with Jyn he cannot figure out how to handle. Compared to that, avoiding the doctor is easy.

Cassian is surprised when Mon Mothma calls him to a meeting in the small room she uses as a private office. He still hasn’t talked to Draven who strangely is not to be found anywhere. Also it is curious that the general has not tried to speak to him right away, but he is not ungrateful for that. Even though he knows that Draven had been in favor of the attack on Scarif, he is not so sure how his superior feels about his personal disobedience. Three days in the medbay - a large part of that spent unconscious - did not provide enough time to think about his future with the Rebellion, which Cassian has the worrying feeling is something to think about, after what he has done. _After what I have thought. I can’t go on like nothing happened._ And according to Jyn, Draven did try to talk to him, but did not find a moment when Cassian was actually awake.

The senator’s office, though small, is one of the nicer rooms on Yavin IV, because it is located at the side of the big ziggurat and has a window through which actual sunlight can enter. Her desk is situated right in front of the window, so when he walks into the room a halo of light surrounds her and gives her slender stature even more of an aethereal aura than she already possesses. An aide is sitting a bit off to the side, but she only gives a small nod to Cassian and then focuses on her datapad again. 

"Thank you, Captain Andor, for coming so quickly, even though I understand you are not fully recovered yet", the senator says. 

Cassian only gives a small nod and replies "Of course." 

"Please, sit." She offers him one of the chairs in front of her desk and he takes one gladly. Walking, though painful, is a welcome change to lying in bed, but standing is barely tolerable. 

Mon Mothma is not one to talk around an issue at hand, so she gets right to it. "I already expressed this earlier to your … team members", she chooses her words carefully, "while you were undergoing treatment at the medbay, but of course I wanted to personally thank you, too, Captain Andor. In the name of all of us here at the Alliance. Even though there are some who might not admit it, you have done us all a great service that will hopefully soon put us at an advantage over the Empire for the first time. You gave us hope and we hold on to that hope in waiting for the safe deliverance of the Death Star plans you acquired."

If she notices Cassian’s twitch at the mention of the unknown status of the plans, she doesn’t acknowledge it. Her face takes on a more sombre expression though, and Cassian steels himself for what is to come.

"I’m afraid though that I am also obligated to deliver a formal reprimand for your unsanctioned actions which included removing a significant amount of Rebel personnel and equipment from the base. You directly disobeyed the Council’s orders. You stole a ship for a reckless undertaking under the command of a person who is not even a member of the Alliance. An endeavour which might very well have led to your death and the death of your whole team, and in fact did for many of them." 

Cassian, who has maintained a perfectly blank soldier’s expression through all of this - he knew this was coming, had been waiting for it, in fact - lowers his eyes at that. He knows. He incited them to do it, but he also knows that every one of them chose this willingly, knowing it could be their last mission, like they always did. Their loss hurts him more than he will admit to anyone, but he can’t stop himself from saying: "We needed the Rebellion to continue." He looks at Mon Mothma across the table, holds her gaze, because he needs her to understand how important this was. 

"The alternative would have been capitulation. Not right away, but in the long run. We would have hidden, run away, hidden again, until the Empire found us and obliterated us. Some of us - all of the Scarif volunteers - needed to take the fight to them. Needed to make it worth it." What he actually wants to say is _make all our sacrifices worth it_ , but he restrains himself at the last second. He knows it would be unwise to continue, but he needs this woman to understand, this politician, who as far as he knows has no idea what is requested of Rebel Intelligence agents in the field. He doesn’t know how to make her understand that, so he simply repeats with emphasis on each word: "We needed the Rebellion to continue." 

"And it will, Captain. It will. Your and Jyn Erso’s courage contributed to that." Mon Mothma leans forward on her desk and her expression changes to something softer when she says: "I am sorry to have to deliver this reprimand to you for actions which have, in my opinion at least, done nothing but good for the Rebellion. Nevertheless, there are rules, and they have to be obeyed, if the Alliance wants to at least pretend to be a disciplined organization. I am breaking them enough already by being the one to talk to you right now, when it should be General Draven, your direct superior. But I wanted to let you know that General Draven will be subject to a hearing which will take place as soon as the current situation is resolved. He will have to answer for going behind the Council’s back with the attack on Eadu and I wanted you to know that. I wanted you to know that this is not how the Rebellion is supposed to work. It is also the reason why you will answer directly to me for now, at least while General Cracken isn’t available." 

Cassian is genuinely surprised. Surprised that she knows of Draven’s secret orders - she certainly has her ways - and that she is apparently willing to confront this head on. She is good at this, he has to admit, and he believes her that she wants to change things. Will they, though? The Rebellion will always need someone to do the dirty work. People like him. Like Draven.

"I understand, senator", he says.

Mon Mothma nods. "The reprimand will go in your file, but be informed that this will have no further consequences otherwise." 

The next surprise. He had thought that there would at least be some sort of official and public dressing down. But maybe they don’t dare do that to them, as most of Base One, if he has read the mood right, sees them as some kind of heroes. He nods.

"There is one other thing. Would you mind sending Ms Erso over to me at her earliest convenience? I would like to officially enlist her in the Rebellion now, if she wants to join us. This applies of course to all of Rogue One." She smiles when she says 'Rogue One'.

His heart jumps slightly at that. So this is it. But will Jyn do it? Tie herself to the Rebellion? This could very well be the moment she leaves. As long as no one asks her, there is no reason to leave, but if she is put on the spot like this … He swallows his discomfort and nods again. 

"Of course. I will talk to them right away. On one condition, though."

Mon Mothma looks at him questioningly and Cassian is a bit surprised at his own courage.

"I get to keep Rogue One as my team. All of them - Jyn Erso, Bodhi Rook, Chirrut Îmwe and Baze Malbus." 

### Jyn

A few days pass without much happening. Yavin Base is still in a strange limbo of breathless anticipation and boredom. The yellow alert has not been lifted, everyone is just longing for release in the form of a message that the princess and the plans are safe - or in the form of an attack by the Empire. Jyn doesn’t know this princess everyone speaks so highly of, except from watching the news a long time ago, but everyone seems to be one hundred percent sure that she would never reveal the location of Base One to the Empire, even if she was captured and tortured - including Cassian. When she asked him, he told her that the princess is incredibly young, but very strong and as committed to the cause as he is. 

Because of the yellow alert no one is sent out on missions anymore and the corridors and halls of the base begin to fill up with nervous and at the same time bored Rebel personnel. Jyn feels similarly caged. After two days, she stops taking naps in her uncomfortable spot at Cassian’s side in the medbay and manages to find some actual sleep in her quarters (which would in itself be reason enough, but staying with Cassian every hour of the day AND night has begun to raise questions she does not want to face). By day, when she doesn’t spend time with him, she goes on walks, sometimes runs, outside the great temple to get some fresh air, even though that is a relative term in the sweaty jungle atmosphere of Yavin IV. 

When she comes back from one of those walks she runs into someone she thinks is one of the X-Wing pilots, even though he is not in his pilot’s jumpsuit at the moment but wears a simple Rebellion uniform. His shaggy black hair reminds her of Cassian. 

"Hi", he greets her and grins a bit sheepishly. "You’re Jyn Erso, right?" When she nods, he says, "I’m Wedge. Wedge Antilles. I’m so glad to run into you like this, I just talked to your pal, Bodhi? We’re getting together tonight for a small thing, we, that is, Red Squadron and most of the other pilots, celebrating the victory at Scarif - especially those who didn’t make it back here with us. Since we’re on yellow alert there won’t be any alcohol, but maybe you and your Rogue buddies want to come?" His smile is almost apologetic now and Jyn nearly laughs. No alcohol. Disciplined, these Rebels. 

He seems to take her hesitation for doubt, because he quickly adds in a low voice: "Some of us think it’s a scandal that none of you have received any medals for what you accomplished. We would like to show our appreciation of what you did and hope that you will become one of us - join the Rebellion, I mean - we for our part would be honored." 

"I …" Now she doesn’t know what to say. 

_Home_. 

It would not be polite to decline. She clears her throat. "Yes, sure … thank you. But don’t make a big thing out of it? We didn’t do it for glory." 

_Who knows what these pilots will come up with._

"Oh, of course. None of us are in it for the fame and pension plans." He winks. "It’s a date then - tonight, eight hundred hours. Come to storage room 22 around the corner from the great hangar." With that, he continues down the corridor. 

Jyn is amazed. She had been alone for so long she sometimes still has problems remembering what people do to strengthen the bonds between them. It feels like a language long forgotten. She dimly remembers a time when she was part of something like this, when she was with Saw’s Partisans. This feels similar, but also completely different. 

"What was that about?" Cassian’s voice from behind almost makes her jump. 

"Cassian! You’re up!" She is surprised to see him and takes in this unexpected sight - he still looks bad, the shadows under his eyes are deep, and he walks kind of awkwardly, as if every step still hurts - but it’s him, he’s not in a hospital gown, and in one piece. His face has that totally blank, unreadable expression that he wears most of the time. _His spy face._

"What did Antilles want?" He slightly cocks his head, questioningly. "He’s not recruiting you for the fleet, or anything?"

Jyn shoots him a suspicious look, but he hastily adds: "Because you’re spoken for. I’m keeping you in my team." 

She almost lets out a surprised laugh, but can control herself just in time and raises her eyebrows. Does she even get a choice in this? "Are you sure about that, _Captain_? I’m still expecting them to kick us all out for what we did. In fact I’m surprised I’m still here." 

_I really am. Why am I still here? (To make sure Cassian is alright.)_

"They would be stupid to. I had my doubts, too, but apparently this is not how the Rebellion works. Which is good. And of course I’m sure. They can’t afford to pass on the chance to recruit good people - and one of them a _fucking Jedi_ , or something very like it -, and neither can I. I wouldn’t be in the position I’m in if I did that." 

"Did you clear that with General Draven?"

Cassian looks thoughtful. "Someone will. In fact, Mon Mothma personally sent me to ask you if you could come to her office, talk about … your future with the Rebellion." The little pause he makes and the fact that he looks at his shoes when he says this make Jyn instantly suspicious. 

"Well, okay? Then I’ll … have to talk to her, I guess." Somehow she had hung on to the irrational hope that this would not have to be made official. At least not so quickly. Jyn feels familiar flight reflexes rise up inside of her and makes an effort to suppress them. 

_Don’t get too attached. Don’t depend on anything too much. You will only be disappointed. (But he said ‚welcome home‘.)_

Cassian only nods. This is getting awkward, so Jyn tries to change the subject. "I’m sure Draven will be just thrilled by this. What are you doing here, anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be resting?" 

"The doctor said I should do some walking, something about getting everything to work normally as quickly as possible."

"You’re lucky they have a bacta tank here", Jyn remarks. "Otherwise you wouldn’t be walking yet. Or ever." The Partisans didn’t have anything like this.

He nods, his face serious. "I know." 

Now this conversation has become way too serious. And what is it with the awkwardness today? Cassian had never been the talkative type, but they have had decent conversations. She tries to lighten the mood by saying: "Well, to answer your earlier question, Antilles just invited me to what I believe is some kind of pilot party shenanigans. And since there is nothing to do for me at the moment, and nobody seems to care about what I do - at least until now they didn’t -, I think I will go. You’re invited. He said, ‚my Rogue buddies‘ are welcome, too." She smiles mischievously and Cassian does that little scoff of his.

"Pilots." 

Jyn can’t help but grin. They don’t know what’s coming, the fate of the Death Star plans is out of their hands for the moment, so what’s the harm in getting to know some of these people? If she is to stay here, as Cassian seems to believe she has to, she can as well mingle and gather some intel. 

***

Jyn is thankful for her finely tuned instincts, because on the way to Mon Mothma’s office she almost stumbles upon the senator and Draven in what seems to be a heated conversation. At the last moment she manages to stop in her tracks and withdraw back around a corner where she pretends to be busy with one of her shoes. 

"I will not abide by that, General." Mon Mothma is clearly trying to keep her voice down, but Jyn is surprised to hear some barely contained anger there. "There will be consequences." 

Draven scoffs and Jyn is surprised by the venom she hears in his voice when he says: "You should be concerned about consequences for yourself, senator, if you try to take the sole lead of the Rebellion. Senator Bel Iblis will not be pleased. You know as well as I do that it was necessary. I know the Council would rather not know about the details of my job, but it sure seemed they were glad that it _was_ getting done. Captain Andor …"

"Don’t you dare bring up Captain Andor to me." Mon Mothma’s voice is like steel, Jyn thinks. "I know what is happening - has happened - to him, and others, for that matter, _because_ of how you are doing things." Mon Mothma’s voice drops even lower and she talks hurriedly, so it is difficult for Jyn to continue to follow what is being said. What she thinks she hears is, "we are _not_ the Empire!" and something like "the Alliance is changing - if you still know what is good for the cause, you will step down" and then the voices are too far away to understand anymore, and following them is out of the question. 

Jyn’s heart beats quicker. So there is something happening behind the scenes. She can’t help but smile grimly at the thought that Draven might not get away with giving the orders to kill her father. Because that is at least part of what this has to be about, isn’t it?

She takes some time and some detours before she goes to Mon Mothma’s office, to give her time to finish her discussion with Draven, and also to avoid running into the general at all costs. Everything Draven ever had to spare for her was an angry stare and she can do without that at the moment. It is difficult enough not to run away from what she is about to do as it is.

***

Storage room 22 turns out to be much bigger than Jyn thought. It’s one of those strange places with slanting walls and a too high ceiling that the Rebellion apparently couldn’t find any other use for. At the moment there does not even seem to be very much that can be stored here because there are just a few crates stacked against the walls. The light is dim, as is fitting for a party, and in the middle of the room there is a single round flat cask which apparently serves as a memorial. As Jyn can spot no one she knows right away, even though the place is already well filled with people, she strolls up to the cask to take a look and tries to ignore the curious glances that follow her. 

On it is an arrangement of little holograms of people in pilot suits, and ships, among them a massive MC75 Mon Cal cruiser, printed pictures, a few letters, lucky charms and a durasheet with names on it. _Pedrin Gaul. Vangos Grek. Antoc Merrick._ She knows that name. A general. He had been present at the Rebel Council meeting where she had tried to convince the Alliance leaders to take action and infiltrate Scarif. The leader of Blue Squadron, which she heard later was the only squadron able to get through the shield gate and provide air support for their people on the ground. Suddenly the gratitude she feels almost floors her. _Laren Joma. Taslet Colb. And so many more._

_We owe them all our lives,_ she thinks. _And K-2’s name should be on here, too._

"It’s … it’s beautiful, isn’t it?" 

She had been so absorbed that she didn’t notice how Bodhi appeared behind her. At least she is in control enough not to flinch. Jyn just nods, because her throat feels closed up. 

"If I had known about this, I would have brought something … something from Jedha", Bodhi continues, fidgeting with his hands. "Not that that I have anything I could … I had family there, you know. Not much, but … they’re all gone now."

On instinct she puts her arm around the pilot and pulls him closer, even though she has never been the touchy kind of person, but that’s just how it is with Bodhi. He stills seems unhinged, like someone who needs to be anchored, with those dark circles under his eyes and his fingernails chewed down. And it is no wonder. The only difference between her and Bodhi is that she refuses to think about how alone she is in the universe now, with Saw and her father gone forever. Not that it makes a big difference compared to before, but … she can’t even imagine what she would do if she didn’t have Bodhi now, or Cassian, or even Chirrut and Baze. She still barely knows them, but this one impossible mission has bound them together in a strange way that feels final. 

"Those Rebels. They died for us. They, they saved us", Bodhi whispers.

Jyn shakes her head. "No, not for us. They died for the cause. They believed in us. They trusted us to do the job." 

When she articulates it out loud like this she realizes something. This is why. This is why she wants to stay, for the first time in a long time. Why she just told Mon Mothma she would accept a commission with the Rebellion, at least for the moment. _Trust goes both ways._ Bodhi seems to sense that something profound just hit her, because he looks down at her with a slightly worried expression. 

"Is everything okay? Jyn?" Jyn realizes that she has held her breath and tightened her hold on Bodhi so much that it must have hurt the skinny pilot. 

"I – I’m sorry. I’m fine." She lets him go and tries to give him something that passes as a reassuring smile. "It’s just that I … only now realized why I want to stay here. I’m becoming an officer of the Rebellion, Bodhi." 

"That’s great!" His face lights up and he pulls her in for a quick hug. "I … I’m staying too, if that hasn’t been obvious." Bodhi looks so pleased that Jyn is not sure if she wants to hug him again or grab at some excuse to change the subject, because she feels embarrassed.

She decides on: "We should get something to drink." 

They just have to make a few steps before Antilles shows up right on cue with two Rebellion standard issue cups filled with some orange-red drink. 

"Hey, I’m so glad you came! Welcome, and welcome to the Alliance. Like I said, there’s no alcohol, but this stuff is good, too, we don’t often get things with real vitamins here." He raises his cup and toasts them.

"Thanks." Jyn thinks she and Bodhi must look like the two most awkward people on this planet when they raise their cups and take reluctant sips from their drinks. Which are good, though. Fruity. 

"Let me introduce you to the rest of my squadron. I hear you are a pilot, too, Bodhi? We could always use new additions …" 

"Yes … ah, yes, I’m … I mean, yes. Oh, ah, but I’m just a cargo pilot, you know. Never flown anything like those, those really fast things", Bodhi stammers.

Wedge grins good-naturedly. "That shouldn’t be a problem, after some training. Many of us started out as shuttle pilots or something like that. I can show you a few things, if you want." 

Damn, this pilot really has a winning personality. Or he is just really into Bodhi.

"From what I heard though Captain Andor plans on keeping us, I mean, the whole Rogue One team, under his command in Intelligence", Jyn quickly says, before Bodhi gets any ideas. 

_Damn it. I am almost as protective as Cassian is._

"Oh, really? His gain is our loss." He really sounds a bit disappointed. 

The conversation moves on to other things and then Wedge introduces them to the rest of Red Squadron, the leader of which, whose name is Garven Dreis, doesn’t say much, but gives her an approving nod. Some of the pilots are very talkative, some barely say anything, and Jyn is a bit relieved when she spots Baze and Chirrut lurking at the side of the room, taking it all in with a curious - and in Baze’s case, suspicious - eye. It gives her and Bodhi a reason to excuse themselves. 

They stroll over to the two Guardians and Jyn says jokingly "Hey, who invited you guys?"

Baze just grumbles something and motions with his head in the direction of Chirrut, who seems to be having the time of his life.

"And who let you out of the medbay?" Jyn adds, looking from one to the other. "Somehow it seems Rebel medical officers don’t have much authority here."

"No one _directly_ invited us", the blind Guardian cheerfully says. "But I couldn’t but overhear people talking about this party, which seemed like a perfect opportunity to get to know at least a few of them. And they are the most interesting people. Also, when would we otherwise get the opportunity to celebrate our victory? And honor the deaths of those who are one with the force, now. And thank you, I am much better."

"They didn’t dare send him away", Baze grumbles with a pointed look at Jyn. "Apparently, they are afraid of his staff. There has been talk."

"Rightly so", Jyn says with a grin. "You look much better, Chirrut. I’m glad." 

The Guardian’s smile widens. "I am too, little star. I just couldn’t leave the responsibility of looking after this one to anyone else." He pats Baze’s thigh and the big man rolls his eyes.

"Hmm. Don’t forget who pulled your sorry ass and all the rest of these guys to safety."

"He’s right", Bodhi says and crosses his arms. "And who piloted the shuttle."

"Nobody could, Bodhi, your cursing and screaming during the flight to the hyperspace jump point was not something we will likely ever forget", Jyn laughs. Baze breaks out in a sudden bellowing laugh that gets them some funny looks. Bodhi grins from ear to ear. 

_These guys._ A glad feeling rises inside of her, but at the same time she hears Saw’s voice in her head, whispering, _don’t get too attached. Not to be afraid of losing anything is the way to move forward._ They are in the Rebellion against the Empire. Anyone could die at any point. She knows this, but she is tired of this life. If she can’t even have something simple like this, what is life even for? 

Just when Jyn begins to wonder if Cassian will show up at all, the speeches start. The squadron leaders are taking turns addressing the room from a low crate beside the memorial. Some keep it brief, while others elaborate more on their dead and their deeds. Some tell anecdotes and stories and Jyn feels herself slipping in a melancholic mood. It is nice to learn something about all the dead soldiers who made their escape from Scarif possible and saved them. But it also brings up feelings of guilt and a terrible, deep sadness. At the same time she cannot wholly forget that these are partly the same people who killed her father with their attack on Eadu.

Someone touches her shoulder and she reflexively moves to let them through but then she sees it is Cassian who has appeared behind her. He mouths a silent _hi_ and Jyn smiles in return. He puts his hands in his pockets and they turn to listen to the speeches again, standing shoulder to shoulder. Jyn suddenly feels warm with him beside her and it isn’t the quickly heating up room, which is now packed with people. _I was able to forgive him, then maybe I will be able to forgive all of them, too. Or have I already?_ She is so lost in thought that she almost misses it when the name "Rogue One" is mentioned and people suddenly turn towards them and applaud. 

Jyn is terribly embarrassed. Why are they doing this?! She didn’t want this … She doesn’t deserve this kind of public display of attention, she just did what she felt she had to at the time, it was the only logical course of action. And part of it was just the need to fulfill the legacy of her father, redeem him, make his work and his death mean something. These people owe her nothing. She is not even sure she likes most of them.

She quickly glances at Cassian and impossibly there is a quirk to his mouth as if he knows exactly what she’s thinking. Luckily they don’t call her up to say something or anything like that and the attention quickly refocuses on the speaker, Garven Dreis. 

"… and this is why we will continue to fight. Rogue One has given us hope and even though so many of us died defending our dream - their deaths have not been for nothing and will not be forgotten. We will take the fight to the Empire! Let’s drink to the memory of our absent friends." 

Everyone raises their cups to a silent toast and Jyn has to admit that she gets goosebumps for a few seconds. Even for people like her, who hate speeches, it’s a powerful moment.

After that, the party mood is quickly restored. Someone puts on music and it gets awfully loud very quickly. Some people even begin to dance. Chirrut has scuttled off to talk to a pilot Cassian explains to her is called Keyan Farlander and has left Baze leaning against the wall, frowning at everyone and scaring everyone who dares to come too near with dirty looks. Wedge has found Bodhi again and has managed to engage him in some lively conversation Jyn can only guess the contents of.

Which leaves her sitting on a crate off to the side with Cassian, who holds himself just as awkwardly as she is, which can’t just be from his injury. She watches him as he studies the room. Always the spy, cataloguing the people, the conversations. He already looks so much better than just two days ago, but it is easy to see Scarif has taken a toll on him. There is also a new distance between them, like he is careful not to cross any lines now. 

When he catches her watching him, she quickly looks down and pretends to stir her drink. 

He surprises her by speaking first. "There is something I still need to do … join me?"

She quizzically looks at him but he doesn’t give anything away. She nods.

Cassian makes his way to the memorial, Jyn following close behind. He pulls something from a pocket in his vest and Jyn can see it is a durafoil, neatly inscribed in small letters that she guesses is Cassian’s handwriting. Some people have left small electric lights on the crate and Cassian takes two of them to hold the edges down when he places the foil among all the other lists of names and things. It says _Ruescott Melshi. Taidu Sefla. Pao. Stordan Tonc._ And others.

A long moment follows in which neither of them stirs. They seem to be in their own little bubble now, the noise around them none of their concern. Jyn touches her kyber crystal necklace and clutches it firmly in her hand for a few seconds. _Mama. Papa. Saw. I have no pictures of you, but you are always here. K-2._ K-2 is not on the list.

When she steals a glance at Cassian, his face is a mask, as always, but she thinks she can see through that, now. His posture is rigid, like he is still trying to hold some great weight up, and refuses to bend. His hands clutch the rim of the memorial cask. The tips of his fingers are white.

Jyn doesn’t know what to do. She isn’t equipped to handle situations like these. If it were Bodhi, she would probably hug him, but it seems impossible with Cassian. She decides for a light touch on his arm and he seems to wake from a trance. A look of understanding passes between them and he lets her lead him away from the memorial, back to their spot on the crates at the back of the room. 

"This is nice", Jyn says, looking at her feet but motioning with her head towards the memorial. "It was a nice thing to do." 

Cassian leans back against the wall and she thinks she can hear a sigh escaping him. 

"It’s the least we could do", he says quietly.

Jyn lets her feet dangle from the crate and watches the rest of the room. When Cassian doesn’t say anything for several moments, she tries to lighten the mood by asking: "You don’t look like you get invited to these things often?" She smiles to signal that this is a joke. Everything had been so easy with them when they were near death on a communications tower or injured on the floor of a cargo shuttle, but making conversation at a party like normal people seems like an impossible thing. Okay, a weird kind of funeral party. _Maybe it’s not us._

A corner of his mouth lifts. "I do, but I don’t go very often. I’m mostly on missions anyway."

Someone slams against the crate next to Jyn and when she turns in surprise she sees it’s a couple involved in a passionate kiss. The guy, a tall black haired man with a mustache wearing a pilot’s uniform has lifted his partner - a petite girl with short blue hair, whose clothes look nondescript - onto the crate and they almost cross over into making out territory. _Great. Please make this situation even more awkward. Thank you._

She slowly, very slowly turns back to Cassian, whose thigh she suddenly realizes is just an inch or so away from hers. Her eyebrows lift. Cassian looks agonized and annoyed. He lifts his palms in a helpless gesture and shakes his head just a tiny bit. It has gotten so loud, he has to lean over to say, "Like I said earlier: _pilots_. I know the woman. She is a freighter pilot, not part of any squadron. Terribly obnoxious."

Jyn laughs at that. How does he manage to sound so old at a party like this? She pointedly turns away from the couple and smiles at him. Out of a sudden whim she asks: "How old are you?" 

If he is surprised, he doesn’t show it. "I’m twenty-six. Why?"

"I realized a while ago that I know almost next to nothing about you." 

She watches him calmly as he searches her face.

"If I tell you more, would that mean that you’ll stay? With the Rebellion, I mean?" 

She looks at her feet. "There wouldn’t be much of a point to asking if I left tomorrow, wouldn’t it?"

"I guess not. What do you want to know?" 

His eyes are so dark, she thinks she could fall inside them and get lost. And is there a slight challenge hiding in there? Unfortunately, every question that comes into her mind will lead them to some dark alley she doesn’t want to go down right now. If she asks something too personal, he will shut down and this will be over before it started. Had she been thinking she could flirt with Cassian Andor? Oh wait, right, she didn’t think this through _at all_.

"Why wasn’t K-2’s name on the list? Do you have a backup? I was sure you would reactivate him first thing after they let you leave the medbay." Still probably too personal, but the only thing she could get hold of right now. 

"I have a backup." Now it’s his turn to look away, focusing on someone in the crowd, or possibly the wall on the other side. "I just don’t have the right droid body. I don’t want to put him in some protocol droid’s shell, he’d never let me hear the end of it." He tosses her a side glance. Again, this half smirk. Still, he can’t hide from her that he is still hurting. Just what she suspected. He is not over the death of this droid, his friend, even though he never mentioned it.

"Oh, I’m sure. I wouldn’t be that brave, either. Maybe one’ll turn up, though? Isn’t there some Imperial droid factory you can facilitate a raid on?" Her mischievous smile makes Cassian scoff. 

"You really mean that, don’t you? Rebel."

Jyn is about to answer when an officer with an anxious face, a lieutenant, pushes through the crowd in their direction. This can’t be good, Jyn thinks, and she’s right - the lieutenant stops in front of Cassian and says: "I’m sorry to disturb you, Captain, but you have to come immediately - Alderaan has gone silent." 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It turns out this story will probably be very long, guys ;) But I'm having too much fun with all the Rebellion stuff. I will try to get back to posting once a week on Sundays, but everything is still crazy here, as I'm still on holiday. Next week I will return to normal life and hopefully be able to organize this better.
> 
> So this chapter gets very dark at the beginning and comes with a CONTENT WARNING for panic attacks! (You could just skip the Jyn part, if you want to avoid that.)
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comments and thanks for beta reading @imsfire! <3

### 

Jyn

Cassian goes straight for the Intelligence command center while Jyn is halted by the sight of Baze and Chirrut crouching just outside the storage room. Chirrut has apparently collapsed in a heap and is only held upright by the wall behind him. Baze’s hand is on his shoulder to support him or maybe shake him awake, Jyn is not sure.

"Baze? Chirrut, what’s wrong?" 

None of them answers or even bothers to look up. When she comes closer, she can hear Chirrut whispering. "I am one with the force, and the force is with me. I am one with the force and the force is with me. I am one …" Beads of sweat have formed on his forehead and his face looks strained, like he is trying too hard to concentrate. Baze looks briefly up at her, his expression helpless. 

"I don’t know what’s wrong with him. He just collapsed and I brought him out here, but it doesn’t stop. It’s not his injuries, it has to have something to do with the force." The way he says _force_ lets it almost sound like a curse.

At that moment the storage room door opens and Bodhi comes out, letting the noise from the party momentarily swell to deafening volumes again. Obviously no one outside Intelligence got the message. Yet. 

Bodhi looks shocked when he sees Chirrut, but he doesn’t have time to say anything because in that moment Baze asks: "Help me get him to our quarters?" 

Jyn nods und beckons Bodhi to help them. Bodhi and Baze each take one of Chirrut’s arms, sling them over their shoulders and get moving. Jyn lets them; because of the height difference she wouldn’t really be of much help anyway.

Instead, she tells them, "Something’s up with Alderaan. Cassian just got summoned to Intelligence, something about the planet going quiet." 

Chirrut’s eyes shoot open at that, he turns his head in her direction and does that uncanny thing where she thinks for a moment he can actually see her. 

"Alderaan …", he whispers. His eyes close again and his breath comes in gasps, like he cannot get enough air. "A … whole … planet. It figures. It figures. The force … I’m one with the force and the force is with me …" And he is gone again. 

A few more minutes of stumbling through temple corridors and they arrive at the Guardians’ quarters. Jyn slaps her hand on the door panel and Bodhi and Baze carry him inside. They lay him gently down on the bed and Baze sits down at the head and takes Chirrut’s head in his lap. "It will pass", he reassures them and begins to stroke Chirrut’s head, but it sounds like he wants to convince himself at least as much as them.

Bodhi and Jyn look at each other helplessly. They both sit down against the wall opposite the bed and Jyn takes Bodhi’s hand in hers, because she sees that he has started shaking again. Just a little bit, a small quiver that goes through him every few seconds.

"Are you okay, Bodhi?", she whispers and searches his face.

"Yes, yes, fine. It’s just when something startles me, and that, that happens easily these days, you know, I get this rush of adrenaline, you know. Anxiety. But don’t worry about me." He pointedly looks to Chirrut.

Jyn squeezes his hand and nods. None of them is over Scarif yet. Even Cassian, who would be the last to admit anything of the kind. Which is why it doesn’t feel strange or awkward to sit here with them; it feels like the most natural thing in the world. Stick together is really all they can do now. _It only ever gets awkward when I’m alone with Cassian._

Still, Jyn feels on edge. She has no idea what is happening with Alderaan, but it can’t be good. She has to do something. Anything. When she touches her kyber crystal, it feels cold, almost vibrating in a strange way, as if it wants to zap her with electricity. She only manages to stay still for a few more minutes before she gives in to her restlessness.

"I’m going to tell Cassian about this." She lets go of Bodhi and stands up. "This can’t be a coincidence." 

"Jyn", Chirrut says from the bed, his voice suddenly crystal clear, though it sounds gravely tired. "There is a disturbance in the force. Something big happened. Something evil. Tell them this." 

When Jyn leaves the room the last thing she hears is Chirrut sighing: "Stop fussing, my love. I’m all right. It’s the force that is not." 

***

When she arrives at the Intelligence command center she notices right away that something must be truly wrong. Nobody tries to stop her. They don’t even take notice of her. Cassian hunkers over a communications console with headphones on, his face illuminated by the eerie green light from the screens he is watching. Probably trying to reach some contact who can explain what happened, the same as all the other frantic Intelligence operatives. 

Everyone is so panicked they still don’t complain when Jyn approaches Cassian. It’s like she went from a person of public interest to a nobody at the blink of an eye, which she would welcome greatly under different circumstances. She has to touch Cassian’s arm to get his attention and he makes a gesture that says "one moment". After a few seconds of taking notes on a datapad with a frown on his face he takes off his headphones and looks at her questioningly.

"It’s Chirrut", she says. "He collapsed, just before you were called here. He felt something in the force, something big, ‚evil‘, he said. I don’t quite know what to make of it, but I thought you should know." 

Some of the operatives currently without headphones turn around at that. Most look disbelieving, but some look outright frightened. Cassian glances to the side, calculating. 

"Whatever it is, it’s not good", he says. "We’re not sure yet, but thanks for the info. It could just be some communications shutdown, maybe the Empire has taken out a major communications relay." He pronounces all of that very clearly, and adds in a lower volume, "but what you just said makes that more improbable I guess. Thanks for letting me know."

Jyn just nods. "If there’s anything I can do to help … I’m very good at cracking codes. Mon Mothma kind of promised me the rank of lieutenant today anyway, so I can as well start to earn my pay. Well, eventual, very hypothetical pay." 

"So you _are_ staying." 

Jyn is relieved that most of the communications people around them have their headphones on again. "I guess. For now." 

"Good". He gives her one of these small Cassian smiles. "Just wait a minute, I’ll get someone to give you something to do."

***

Jyn is more than grateful to have something to occupy herself with, something to tinker with, like in her youth, when she would sit at Saw’s big table and listen to his guerrilla friends while pretending to be busy. Because what starts now is a long, awful period of waiting. It takes another few hours until they have the dreadful confirmation that Alderaan has indeed been destroyed. When Jyn learns that it was the Death Star, an icy cold grips her heart and she finds Cassian looking at her from across the room with that same distraught expression. _Too late. It was too late._ Everything they did, for nothing. 

_This just can’t be happening._

Jyn barely manages to excuse herself and leave the room. Where she had measured her steps with some effort before, she now almost breaks into a run. She needs to get out, just out, somewhere with fresh air. She can barely breathe. 

When she reaches the landing pad, it is still dark outside – or as dark as it gets in nights like these, with the orange gas giant hanging in the sky. She breathes in and out, swallows large gulps of air while she makes for the rim of the landing zone, to avoid any people that might be out here.

_A whole planet. Billions of people. Killed by Papa’s weapon. I failed him._ Her heart races and it gets more difficult to breathe. She clutches her kyber crystal and it still feels cold and alien against her too hot skin. _How could this happen? How could we let it happen? We had the chance to change something and we failed._ They _failed. This must be a nightmare, we were so close, we almost died for this …_

She drags herself along the outer wall of the temple, feels her way forward with one hand on the stone wall. It gets gloomy here, away from the floodlights of the landing zone. She wishes she could get farther away, but it would be close to suicide to go into the jungle alone in the dark. That much she knows even in her current state. 

When one of the giant slanted stone pillars comes up before her, she stops and huddles down in its shadow. Her heart is racing and she has begun to shiver uncontrollably, so she hugs herself, squeezes her eyes shut. 

_This isn’t me, this isn’t me, why am I reacting like this, stop, stop, I can’t let myself go like this, please …_

The thoughts are coming too quickly, are jumbling her brain. It’s too much to process. Jyn tries to breathe, but what comes out are just ragged gasps, sobs. She presses her fists to her eyes, but no tears come. It’s as if this is too horrible to cry, too incomprehensible. Jyn is not the type to cry easily, but she has occasionally, when it was helpful. But now even that doesn’t seem to work anymore. 

She presses her palms against the cool pillar and tries to focus on the rough texture of the stone. Tries to focus on the humid night air that flows in and out her nose. Just as the shivering slowly starts to subside, she hears someone calling her name. 

"Jyn? Jyn, are you here?"

_Cassian. It’s Cassian._ His voice has an undertone she never heard before. It sounds choked, like he has trouble breathing, too.

She is unable to answer because her lungs still feel as if they will never again be able to take in sufficient air. 

"Jyn, are you …?" His voice gets more urgent the closer he comes. His boots rustle in the grass. And then she can see him. He doesn’t have a flashlight and looks around frantically, eyes obviously still adjusting to the gloom here, but the illumination Yavin provides is enough for him to spot her. 

Jyn still isn’t able to speak. She just looks at him with wide eyes, hugging herself again. _He shouldn’t see me this way. Never let anyone see your fear._ Saw’s words. _Never._ She should get up, try to act cool and brush it off, do _something_ … but her body doesn’t respond to her commands. The realization brings a fresh wave of panic. Her breath hitches.

Cassian stops in his tracks and seems to hesitate for a second before he takes two quick steps and pulls her up into a hug. 

Momentarily Jyn is too paralyzed to do anything, but then she wraps her arms around him and clings to him like a drowning person. Impossibly the sobs start again, she can’t control it, she is sobbing against his chest now, her hands fisted into the soft fabric of his shirt. Now there are tears after all, but they are not tears of sadness, no, they are pure anger, and she is shaking with it.

Cassian holds her tight, so tight it almost hurts, and murmurs something Jyn can’t understand which might be Festian. She lets herself cling to him for a few more moments, just until the tears stop, and they dry up pretty quickly, because after all Jyn is still Jyn. The more self-conscious she becomes about the situation, the more self-control returns. The sudden awareness of how irritatingly good Cassian smells at the crook of his neck only barely contributes to that. 

"It was all for nothing", she whispers to his chest and her voice breaks. "Everything we did. Everyone who died for this. I can’t take it anymore. This is why I didn’t want anything to do with this in the first place. I just can’t. It’s too much." Some more tears come at that before she can prevent it, but they fall silently now. "If Draven hadn’t ordered that attack on Eadu … if we had brought my father back here, we wouldn’t have needed those plans, all those who died on Scarif, Alderaan, they all would be _alive_ right now! HE would have been able to give us all the information we needed!" She is shaking with anger again and Cassian, who has momentarily gone stiff, seems to want to let her go, but then tightens his embrace instead. 

"I know, Jyn, I know", he sighs, and it frightens her how lost he sounds when he says: "I’m sorry." It sounds like _I’m sorry I was a part of this,_ but also as if he wants to apologize on behalf of the whole Rebellion. But this means nothing to her, now, at least not from him. She has long forgiven him. He was following orders like he was used to doing and in spite of her initial shock she recognizes and respects that he disobeyed them. The person she can’t forgive is the one who gave the orders. Draven.

Cassian carefully leads her over to the wall and they both crouch down, his arm still around her and she leaning against him, her head buried against his neck. 

He doesn’t say anything more, but he doesn’t need to. Jyn is thankful for the time to compose herself. Being seen with puffy eyes around the base is not something high on her priority list, as is being incarcerated for punching Draven in the face, and time seems very relative at the moment anyway. 

After a while Cassian begins softly stroking her hair, and then her back, self-consciously at first, but then like it is completely natural. She has one hand on his waist and tightens her hold a little, as if to make sure he stays there. As unlikely as it seems, the emotions slowly begin to subside, and she calms down a bit. Her heart still aches like hell, but even if the universe is broken, at least right here, in this moment, she feels safe.

### 

Cassian

It’s another sixteen agonizing hours or so until the miracle happens. He wouldn’t say it is the worst time of his life, because he has had some pretty bad times, but witnessing Jyn having a full blown panic attack and its aftermath definitely make the list. Since the news about Alderaan he has felt crushed, like every ounce of energy has left him. And worse, he is too tired even to maintain his professional facade now. He wants to stay strong for Jyn, to project hopefulness for her sake, but he realizes he can’t. He is just as devastated as she is. He hates waiting and not being able to do anything about the problem at hand just as much as she does. They are so alike in so many respects, it’s uncanny. He has known this for a long time, maybe since the moment she stole his blaster right under K-2’s eyes when she went on that first mission with them, but it still surprises him in moments like these. 

To see her so distraught has shaken him to the core. All the happiness he felt about her accepting the commission with the Alliance is gone now. In its place there is fear, fear that she will now change her mind and leave forever. And he couldn’t even blame her. She had always been candid with her opinion about the Rebellion. It only changed when she saw a chance to make a difference. Now that this has failed, he is dreadfully sure that she will not see any reason to stay. When he is honest with himself, he is not too optimistic about the survival of the Alliance either, should the location of Base One be discovered. Surprisingly, he finds himself fearing the former more than the latter.

So he has resorted to keeping her busy. If he swamps her with work, she will not have time to think about the future, especially escape strategies. There is always some Imperial transmission to be decoded, some code cylinders that have not yet been cracked and re-programmed with the data of whoever will need them in the field. It is a helpless move, really, as none of this will bring them the plans, but this way he can keep her nearby while he mechanically goes about his own duties, in the full knowledge that whatever he does is just as useless without a miracle.

And then, it happens. 

It arrives in the form of a very alive Princess Leia and her entirely unlikely entourage of a Wookiee, a smuggler, two droids and a young farm boy. Cassian has no idea why _he_ is even there.

The moment when Jyn meets Leia for the first time is priceless. It looks as if she wants to hug the princess but catches herself at the last minute, then stumbles awkwardly forward and does it anyway. Cassian has to put a lot of effort into stifling a laugh. Fortunately there is his communications console between them to protect him.

After that, everyone is lost in a flurry of activity as it becomes clear that the Death Star is approaching, and all time for bitterness and contemplation is taken away in the blink of an eye. He and Jyn are summoned to an immediate emergency meeting where they are to help Alliance military command analyze the plans and map out the attack plan. Parallel to all of this, the evacuation of the base is being prepared, and Bodhi is assigned as a transport pilot, so they don’t get to see much of him after this. What Chirrut and Baze are doing is anyone’s best guess. 

***

Afterwards, Cassian cannot remember much about the day the Death Star was destroyed. The only image that stays clear in his mind is Jyn’s face in the war room at the moment the confirmation of the Death Star’s destruction comes through. She stays perfectly still while cheers erupt all around her and everyone starts hugging everyone else in range. She clutches something over her chest what he knows to be her kyber crystal necklace and a serene smile is on her lips. It is nothing like the open relief when they passed the checkpoint over Scarif or when she saw him coming for her at the top of the communications tower. It’s much quieter, the smile much smaller, but her eyes spark in a way that lights a fire somewhere deep inside of him. He’s mesmerized by the sight of her and only shaken out of it when the Princess of Alderaan herself engulfs him in a hug. 

He tries to suppress his discomfort at this open display of emotions – he doesn’t really know her that well, even though they have worked together occasionally. In light of this extraordinary day, however, he knows this is not something he can likely escape. The princess hugs him tight and then leans back to look him in the eyes.

"Thank you, Captain Andor", she says, brown eyes full of gratitude and joy. "I heard about the role you played in all of this. We really can’t thank you enough." 

Cassian laughs disbelievingly. "Thank you, Princess. From what I heard though, your part wasn’t so unimportant either." 

She grins back at him. "Well, I’ve had some very unexpected help." 

"As did I. None of this would have been possible without Jyn Erso and her father, who was the one who planted the flaw in the Death Star design. Gave his life for this, in fact." He nods in Jyn’s direction.

The princess throws him an appraising look. "Of course. I am still not in on the full story, I think, but no one involved in making this possible will be forgotten. I will make sure of that." 

"Princess, they’re landing!" someone calls from across the room and then she is gone again, this tiny woman with that immense energy.

He catches Jyn’s eye, who seems to have been watching their conversation. When she sees that she has been spotted, she walks over slowly. Cassian suddenly feels self-conscious. Does she want to hug him? Everyone else is doing it, so it wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary. And they have done it before, anyway. Should he hug her? Would it be weird not to? She stops about an arm’s length away from him and smiles and his thoughts are washed away. 

"They did it. So there is at least some justice left in the universe", she says and shakes her head as if she can’t quite believe it, despite her words.

"It seems like there is." He can’t help but smile back at her and a whole unspoken conversation passes between their eyes. The hurt and the terror and the anger are still there, buried somewhere, but this moment makes up for much of it. Lost hope, hope won back, all in the span of less than twenty-four hours. Crazy.

"I think at tonight’s party there will be alcohol."

Jyn’s face breaks into a grin. "Is that an invitation?" She slightly inclines her head and Cassian can’t decide if she is flirting with him. With Jyn Erso, you never know.

"More like a promise", he replies with a smirk. "Let’s go find the others." 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could have written another party scene, or ... done this. (I just can't make it too easy for them.)
> 
> Also: There's finally some plot, guys ... ;D As always, please let me know what you think! 
> 
> Thanks to [imsfire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imsfire/pseuds/imsfire) for betaing!

### 

Cassian

Of course everything turns out differently than Cassian had expected. On the way to the main hangar something catches his attention that makes him hesitate and he promptly loses sight of Jyn in the crowd rushing to meet the returned pilots. 

He sees Draven looking around carefully before he slips around a corner into a corridor that leads to storage rooms and a munitions depot. Something about the way the general moves makes Cassian instantly suspicious. First Mon Mothma’s news about the hearing, the altered command structure and Draven’s peculiar absence the last few days, and now he sneaks around the base while everyone else is distracted? The general he has known for years would be with his people celebrating in the hangar right now, for morale if nothing else, not … doing whatever he is doing now.

Cassian follows him. It’s instinct. Or rather years of training to notice little details that feel off, things so small no untrained observer would notice, but that suffice to set avalanches in motion. He follows Draven to the munitions depot where the general types the required code into the keypad. No one is standing watch. _This is strange_. Even in this chaotic hour, the munitions depot is one of the few places that has to be guarded at _all_ times.

The door slides open. Cassian doesn’t try to hide from him any longer and takes a few steps in the general’s direction. Draven seems more resigned than surprised when he spots him. 

“Captain Andor,” he says, barely turning his head. “This is a lucky coincidence. I have actually been wanting to talk to you.” He beckons for Cassian to follow him into the depot.

Cassian’s eyes narrow, but he obliges. “I have been at Intelligence command most of the time since I could leave the medbay, Sir. You could have just approached me.” 

“Ahh, yes - and against doctor’s orders, I presume? You always have been one of my best men.” 

The last bit sounds sincere and also kind of regretful. _Something about this is very, very wrong._

“I wanted to talk to you alone”, Draven continues. They are inside the munitions depot now, another plain storage room, except that the racks on the walls are stacked with blaster rifles, thermal detonators, grenades and other tools the Rebellion uses to blow stuff up. The general narrows the distance between them with two measured steps and Cassian resists the urge to draw back. “You probably know about the hearing.” Cassian nods. “Well, I don’t intend to be here when it happens. Cassian, these people … they have no respect for the work we do. The Rebellion needs its spy network - people like us, who recognize the fault lines, the critical strategic points, who take action based on that. Surgical strikes. Just like you have so admirably performed in the past.”

Cassian blinks. _You mean, as the tool I have been for you._ “Are you saying that you’re leaving the Rebellion?” he asks instead. The disbelief must be written on his face.

Draven shakes his head mournfully. “Look, Cassian, I don’t like it either, but I have come to the conclusion that I can serve the cause better from outside the Alliance.” He has taken another step and his voice has an urgent tone to it, even though he keeps it low. “I know we’re celebrating a great victory today, which makes me as happy as anyone, but we can’t let ourselves be lulled into a false sense of safety. The Empire will keep coming. The work will have to be done. And Mon Mothma is certainly not the one capable of doing it. She’s pushing an agenda now to put herself at the top of the Alliance and if that happens, she will hinder us at doing our jobs right. The Rebellion will suffer. This war is not for politicians to fight. At least not if we want to win.” 

“So you’re building a cell - a partisan group, like Saw Gerrera.” Cassian tries hard to ignore what Draven is saying, not to engage in this conversation, because he isn’t even ready to accept that the general, the superior he has looked up to for a long time, would be thinking like this. His thoughts are racing. He needs to think faster. Draven knows everything about the Rebellion. Secret identities, codes, hidden bases, everything. Can you let someone leave with a treasure trove of sensitive data like this?

“Yes and no. I have always valued most of Saw’s work but he always had to make a show of everything. I prefer to work more subtly, as you know.”

_Oh, I know._

“I’m taking a few like-minded people and I would be more than glad if you were with us. We could really use your skills.”

Cassian utters a brief, bitter laugh and shakes his head. _There it is. Think faster. Keep him talking._ “Leave the Rebellion? You know as well as I do that I have fought the guerrilla war long enough. The Alliance has been all I’ve ever dreamed of since it was formed. A proper organization. I’m not giving that up.”

Draven shakes his head. “The Alliance doesn’t care about you. Your own actions prove that you know that. You leaving for Scarif was an act of desperation - you no longer trusted the organization to make the decisions that needed to be made. And I agree. It has gotten too convoluted to act.”

 _No, I’m not giving you what you want._ “You’re contradicting yourself”, Cassian interjects vigorously. “You criticize Mon Mothma for taking control when you are silently advocating the same thing? A centralization of power?”

“I’m not advocating for that. I’m just saying the politicians do not have what it takes to lead this Rebellion to victory. Don’t you see that the likes of us are worse than tools for them, because they won’t even acknowledge our actions? They’re hypocrites. Working in Intelligence is never easy, but the lack of respect the Rebellion has shown our line of work is a new level of outrageous. If I had been in your position I probably would have done the same. Defied orders. The Alliance was about to break apart and the same thing will happen again, Death Star or no Death Star. So I guess I’m following your example now - I’m defying orders and taking matters into my own hands.”

“Don’t compare this”, Cassian snarls. “This has never been about recognition, General. Neither for me, nor for you, I know that much.” _This is not about me at all, but about you, however much you try to frame this differently. You forgot that one of my most valuable skills is reading people._ “Go through with the hearing”, he urges, “I respect you, and I know a lot of people here do, too. Let everyone hear what Intelligence work is like. Let everyone see Alliance institutions at work. If we adhere to _our_ rules, the rules that _we made_ , the Rebellion will not fall apart. Let everyone see this organization can be better.” Cassian is aware that this is at least in part his own desperation speaking. He clings to the hope that this can work. It _has_ to work. The Alliance is all he has. _Or at least … it has been, until recently._ He only cares about Draven to some degree - he is the man who recruited him, who mentored him at the beginning and stood by him - but never made an effort to become friends. Which had been completely fine with Cassian, but now probably costs him the angle he needs. 

Draven looks even sadder now. Tired, even. “I see. I’m surprised by your idealism, but I have an idea where that comes from. Or rather from whom. I’m sorry Captain, but I can’t afford the luxury of idealism right now. I will not subject myself to this humiliation. There is real work to be done. I am asking you one last time to join me, help me make a difference. Think of your responsibility to the cause - a man like you should not waste his talents.”

 _My ‘talents’?_ Cassian tries to look for things he could use as a weapon without Draven noticing. There is nothing immediately at hand, but of course there are scores of weapons stacked against the walls. _Just get to a weapons’ rack quickly, grab something_ … but Draven is probably as good as him, it could be too late by then. And Cassian doesn’t carry his own blaster with him, as usual when he is on base. It does not look good.

“No.” Cassian slowly shakes his head and fixes Draven with his stare. “I have thought more than once about leaving the Rebellion, lately, with everything that happened. But not to return to being a guerrilla fighter again. You have to see that this is nonsense. What is your pride compared to this? The Alliance?” He makes a sweeping motion with his arm. “More people are joining us every day. We can’t let them down! If there ever was a time to stick with it, it is now.” 

Draven’s face is set in stone. He nods gravely. “Alright, then. I’m sorry, Cassian. I hope she’s worth it.” 

Cassian barely has time to think ‘ _and what does he mean by that?’_ before Draven tries to knock him out with the blunt end of his blaster. Cassian sees it coming, though, and ducks away, only to have his leg - his bad leg - kicked out from under him. The last thing he hears is Draven repeating “I’m sorry”, before there is a painful blow to his head and he falls into a deep darkness.

### 

Jyn

When she arrives at the hangar and notices that Cassian is no longer behind her, Jyn is momentarily confused, but with all the people running around she tells herself that he probably got held up by someone. She looks for Bodhi, Chirrut and Baze, which is not easy in a huge space full of ships, and then finally spots the two Guardians observing the scene from the sidelines, as has become their habit.

When she draws near, Baze jumps from the crate where he had been sitting and pulls her into a bear hug that definitely deserves the name. “You did it”, he says earnestly and holds her at arm’s length. The words fail her.

“No, _we_ did it”, she manages and smiles at the older man, hoping to convey through her eyes all the things she is not eloquent enough to say. Baze returns the look and his eyes have a treacherous glimmer to them. Chirrut is displaying an unreadable expression - on the one hand he looks as happy and content as anyone, on the other, sorrowful somehow. 

“Hey, Chirrut”, Jyn says unnecessarily, to alert him to her presence. 

“Little star”, he says and smiles. “This is your victory as much as theirs.” He gestures with his staff towards a group around Princess Leia which Jyn has already guessed consists of the new arrivals that blew up the Death Star. “The boy …”, he starts as if he is not talking to them at all, but just musing out loud, “he shines as brightly as you do, but in a different way. It’s intriguing.” 

Baze rolls his eyes. “Of course, it’s the force again.” But his eyes betray his gruff tone. 

“Baze has reconciled himself with the force”, Chirrut states. “He just isn’t ready to admit it yet.” 

“Think about Alderaan”, Baze replies. “I bet they trusted the force, too.” 

Chirrut lowers his head. “The people of Alderaan are now one with the force. They are at peace. _People_ are responsible for their actions. The Imperials did this, and most of the ones responsible are now one with the force, too. The force doesn’t judge. It doesn’t influence. It just nudges in the right direction sometimes.” He taps his staff on the floor as if for emphasis. “Speaking of which, where is the Captain?” 

Jyn looks around her, but Cassian is still nowhere to be seen. Apart from the knot of people around the princess and her little band of heroes a few other groups of people - ground crew, pilots, other personnel - are scattered around the hangar, celebrating. Considering the noise levels, probably with the alcohol Cassian promised. The reminder stings a bit. _Where the hell is he?_

“I have no idea. He was right behind me, until he wasn’t.” 

Chirrut frowns, but doesn’t offer any explanation. Baze just lifts the corner of his mouth. “He probably has important spy stuff to do. Like always.” 

Jyn throws him a half smile, but she admits to herself that she is bothered by this. He could have just told her if there was something he needed to do. Why did he vanish like that? And just before he had looked at her like that … like … well, _not_ like someone who was just tired of her presence and would use the next opportunity to get lost. 

But Cassian doesn’t show. The party moves quickly on to one of the storage rooms/offices (it’s not distinguishable to Jyn which is which) and everyone is so enthusiastic it almost overwhelms her. Constantly being around this many people is still new to her, and if it weren’t for the calming presence of Baze and Chirrut, she wouldn’t have stayed five minutes. After an hour or so of half-yelled conversations and some drinking she briefly thinks about comming Cassian to ask where he has got to, but somehow she still shies away from that. Everything he does always has a reason.

Right when she is exasperated enough to do it anyway, she spots Bodhi impatiently pushing through the crowd towards them. When he’s finally there he wraps both of his arms around her neck and pulls her into a tight hug that almost crushes her. She laughs against his chest when he squeezes her tight and mumbles: “We made it, Jyn, we made it! It wasn’t for nothing, none of it was.” Jyn squeezes him back as tightly as she can and Bodhi makes a pained noise and lets her go - but not without holding her arms a little longer and staring in her eyes like he wants to make sure she really understood what he said. Or maybe just because he needs to see in her eyes the same fascination about the fact that all of this is real. 

“It’s gone, Bodhi,” she smiles. “And you started all this. My father would be proud of you.” 

He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment and Jyn feels his grip on her arms tighten. Then he smiles and the tension seems to leave him. “It’s unravelled now. All the things that happened since Galen … I brought the message. Galen said I could make it right. He knew we could do this,” he whispers.

A shiver runs down Jyn’s spine. _Papa knew it. He put this burden on me. But he also knew I could do it._ _And Bodhi. We both could._

“Sorry it took so long. I wanted to be with you to celebrate as soon as possible, but I was assigned to pick up ejected pilots in the jungle and then this ass… this stupid man didn’t let us land right away because there was a surprise shuttle start that needed to get out of the way first. Wonder who leaves base at this time.”

Jyn starts shaking her head, but the next moment this communications officer she has seen in Intelligence before pushes through the crowd beside them and Bodhi, bless him, in his excitement lets her go and grabs the man’s arm instead. 

“Hey, Private Weems, I’m sorry, but, what was that, with the delay? I had one of the ejected pilots on board, you know, from the battle, like I told you and …” 

The private, who already looked stressed out when he arrived, looks even more annoyed now and tries to shake Bodhi’s hand from his arm. “Look, I do not make the rules, okay? I had this last minute take-off, it was unscheduled, but that’s not unusual in Intelligence, so leave me in peace, yes?”

“And who wanted to leave, at a time like this?” Baze’s dark voice asks, eyes narrowed. 

Weems looks even more put out now. “Well, why don’t you ask him yourself? Your buddy, Captain Andor? It was his clearance code. So I assume he really doesn’t relax like normal people, and it’s true what everybody says. Have a nice party.” He hurries to disappear into the crowd, but Jyn didn’t even hear the last part anymore. There suddenly seems to be a black hole in the floor that has swallowed her up whole. 

***

That night, Jyn Erso lies in bed like a dead person. Positioned on her back, hands folded above her stomach, eyes wide open. If someone were watching her now, that person probably wouldn’t be sure if she had been turned to stone or been hypnotized into a trance. Inside though, her thoughts are racing. Cassian hadn’t answered his comm when she had finally decided to call him. No one had seen him. Hell, no one even seemed to care with everything going on, and Jyn can’t even blame them. Finally, Chirrut had sent her to bed, assuring her that she couldn’t do anything about it and everything would likely clear up in the morning anyway. And that was probably a good idea, since Bodhi had been almost as upset as her and they had goaded each other on in their anxiety. 

What Chirrut didn’t take into account though, is that she can’t get to sleep like this. Her body is tired and aching, her mind is exhausted from the last few days, but her thoughts still keep chasing each other. 

_Where is he? Has he really left, and why? Why didn’t he tell me anything? Why do I think he should have told me? Did I imagine that he cares about me? All the touches, those rare Cassian smiles, the way he held me?_

And then her thoughts race down avenues of her imagination, the way it felt when he held her, when she held him _(he is so skinny)_ , the way he smelled _(of Yavin jungle and sweat, but also so_ good _, how does he manage that)_ , the way she could feel him breathing underneath her hands, the way his voice sounded, so low, directly beside her ear … 

_No_. She squeezes her eyes shut. _No. This has to stop_. _Or I’m going to go crazy. This can’t work. I can’t function this way._

That night, Jyn Erso makes a decision.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, Cassian was knocked out by Draven and Jyn wondered where he was. This chapter, Jyn finds out - and finally Han appears on the scene. (Sorry for the cliffhangers from last time, guys, I was just too tempted. I loved your speculations to pieces! ;D)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I say this every two chapters or so, but this time it will probably really happen - my posting schedule will probably have to be extended a bit from here on out (maybe every two weeks instead of every week), as my job is draining a lot of my writing energy. But I'm trying my best! :)
> 
> Today's chapter is only on time because imsfire is the quickest beta in history. Thank you so much!

### 

Cassian

Cassian feels more stupid than he probably has his whole life. Not only did he let Draven knock him out in seconds by using his weakened state; on top of that the general locked him inside the munitions depot. When he woke after he knows not how long (because of course his comlink and datapad were gone), he needed a whole hour to bypass the security mechanisms to get out. He grudgingly has to give Draven credit for picking the best time for his clandestine exit. Also, when you’re Head of Intelligence, apparently no one double checks the alterations you make to duty rosters, even when you send the munitions depot guards on errands without providing replacements. Cassian makes a mental note to remedy that in the operations manual.

The worst part of this is the way Jyn looks at him, though, when she comes into Intelligence command in the morning. He can’t exactly define the look - strangely surprised, surely irritated, maybe sad? Also she looks as if she hadn’t slept very much, which is probably due to the festivities of last night. In which he didn’t partake. It makes him feel slightly guilty and even more embarrassed. He probably should have given her a heads up why he never made it, but after making it out of his involuntary prison he couldn’t think of anything except moving heaven and earth to try to track Draven’s course (not without getting some painkillers for his headache and leg first, though). He spent the few remaining hours of the night in the communications center, buried in hyperspace vectors and equipment lists, trying to collect every clue he could find about where Draven could be headed and what his plans could be, but the man was thorough. His most trusted aides and five other agents went with him, and not one of them left anything conclusive behind.

He feels exhausted now, but not too exhausted to trail Jyn with his gaze as she walks over to her makeshift workstation where she resumes work on her code-breaking tasks. Before she is able to notice it, Cassian quickly looks away. The fact that she doesn’t come over to him reveals that she is hurt or upset, he knows that. He also knows that the sensible thing to do now would be to go over to her, to explain why he didn’t show up and maybe provide another … another opportunity to talk, like a shared meal or something. At least that’s what he would do if she were a contact of his and he needed to placate her and get to know her better - _but it’s Jyn!_ It feels profoundly wrong to think of her in that calculating way, but those are automatic routines he can’t really switch off. 

_Am I like K-2 in a way? Okay, now I’m going crazy. No, I just have never had a personal life that could be mixed with work, that’s all._ Cassian squeezes his eyes shut and rubs the bridge of his nose. He has been awake too long and maybe that’s a mild concussion and not just a headache after all. _I miss K-2. He would be no help at all with this, but …_

A notification on his datapad pops up that Mon Mothma has scheduled a meeting with him and Princess Leia at 1100 hours. An award ceremony for the heroes of the Battle of Yavin is scheduled for 1400. 

Jyn is watching him over the rim of her console, expression carefully neutral. He hates that look. It seems awfully like as if she’s guarding herself. A mechanism he understands only too well.

_Oh fuck it, I’m gonna do it._

He gets up and walks over to her. Jyn looks at him only mildly expectantly. 

“Yes, Captain?” 

_Wha– okay._ Cassian swallows his discomfort at her sudden formality. Luckily at this time only a few people are already at their post. “Hey, Jyn” he begins, “I’m sorry I didn’t make it yesterday, but, ah, something happened.”

“I figured,” she says, in a neutral, distant way. And then, as if she isn’t curious in the slightest, she adds “You’re limping again.”

“Yeah, well, I got knocked out.” He remembers that he favors his injured leg too much and tries to balance his weight more equally. It hurts. 

Jyn’s eyes widen in surprise before she catches herself and her control is in place again. “You got knocked out?” she repeats, disbelief showing in her voice.

“Yeah, it happens. Sometimes.” He laughs a bit sheepishly and looks at his shoes. 

Before he can get on with the story, Jyn asks, now concerned “What the hell happened?” 

“Did you hear about Draven?”

“No, what about him? You know that nobody tells me anything.”

_Right. She still has no official clearance. Stupid._

“He left yesterday. Like, left the Rebellion. I caught him stealing weapons and other equipment. He knocked me out and locked me in there.” He sighs and shifts his position again, his hand on his hip.

Jyn looks dumbfounded. “Draven left the Rebellion?” she repeats carefully. When he nods, she adds, “Well, judging from your face, this is not a good thing and I should not be happy about it. And, the more I think about it, I probably understand why.”

He nods darkly.

“He left using your clearance code? To buy time or something? Or screw you over?” 

Now it’s his turn to be surprised. “Actually, yes. Both, probably. How do you know?”

“Well, this communications guy told us yesterday that you had left. Or someone with your clearance code. As I now know.”

“I see. Well, there is a meeting later on about all this, after which I’ll hopefully know how to proceed.”

Jyn nods. “If I can help in any way, let me know.” 

“I will.” 

There is a pause in which neither of them says anything. Cassian doesn’t know what he expected, but this … The pause gets longer. And longer. 

“I, ah - I should go back to work.” 

“Sure.” Jyn nods again and obviously busies herself with her datapad again. _Okay, okay. This is fine._

It takes until he is halfway back to his console when it occurs to him. 

_Oh. She must have thought I LEFT. Without telling any of them. Without telling her. I am even more stupid than I thought._

***

“So, the situation is: he just left?” Leia asks, as always, straight to the point. She leans with both hands on the small holotable in their middle, which is currently switched off.

“At least that is what he told me.” 

“I don’t know General Draven well, I’m afraid. Do we have any idea if there is a chance that he will betray Rebellion secrets?” 

“It seems unlikely," Mon Mothma responds. “I had some arguments with him over the last few days, but it never seemed to me as if he thought of directly harming the Alliance in any way. At least not in any way that he would _see_ as harming. What do you think, Captain Andor, you know him the longest?”

“I agree with your assessment, Chancellor," Cassian says carefully. “But we have to take the possibility into account that his future actions may harm the Rebellion in more indirect ways. If he plans on taking a trajectory similar to Saw Gerrera’s, it could become a problem, especially with his knowledge about our operations and plans. If he decides to take matters into his own hands, concerning future missions … there’s a lot of things that could happen.” Cassian lifts his shoulders in a half shrug.

Mon Mothma nods. “I have already forwarded your report to General Cracken. We have to adjust our plans accordingly, if necessary. I suppose it will take Draven a while to set up whatever he is planning, so we should have some time.” 

Cassian doubts that, but doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t want to appear too paranoid, but he knows how meticulous Draven is and how well he is connected. He wouldn’t have left if he weren’t sure that he could build something in a very short time. 

“At least the base is being evacuated anyway,” Leia sighs. “So that’s one secret he and his people are not going to be able to betray.” 

“Speaking of which,” Mon Mothma interjects “Captain Andor, you and your team are to relocate to the cruiser _Liberty_. I want you to be ready to take on new missions shortly. That is, if you’re cleared for duty by your medical officer.” She looks at him critically, and Cassian is painfully reminded that he must have bags under his eyes like an X-Wing pilot who has stayed in hyperspace for a week.

“Until then, Rogue One should assist the evacuation effort in any way they can. General Forell will send out assignments shortly. Your personal task, Captain, will be to maintain contact with as many of Draven’s field operatives as you can, and monitor them if possible to make sure that the general doesn’t recruit more Alliance personnel to his cause. If we find out anything about Draven’s concrete plans and an intervention seems in order, this will be your top priority,” Mon Mothma adds.

“Of course," he nods. Sure, it makes sense. _Just let Jyn handle him and we won’t have this problem much longer._ Still, he doesn’t look forward to possibly having to fight the man who recruited him such a long time ago. 

“There is one other thing," Leia says. “As you probably saw on your calendar, we will have an award ceremony for the heroes of the battle of Yavin in a few hours. We, that is, Mon Mothma and I, would like to honor you and the Rogue One command crew with a ceremonial medal, too, as you are the ones that made all of this possible in the first place.” Her smile is sincere and she is probably thinking she is doing them a favor, so Cassian is almost a bit regretful to tell her what he feels he must. 

He clears his throat. “With all due respect, Princess, but we don’t need any medals for what we have done, and I thank you for –“

“Please, call me Leia. And of course you don’t need them - but the Alliance needs you to receive them.”

“Prin– Leia, I mean it. Somehow Senator Mothma managed to convince Jyn Erso to stay with the Alliance for now, but honestly I think if you put her on a stage and hand her a medal, she _will_ run instead. Please, I know this is not what you want. She is a valuable asset to the Rebellion.” _And to me._

Leia looks unconvinced. “We have to display unity at a time like this. With Draven gone - a fact the whole base, if not the whole fleet, will be aware of by tonight, if I judge the powers of word of mouth correctly - it might seem to some as if the Rebellion is falling apart, in spite of our great victory. We can’t have that. I know you don’t like it, but symbols are important to people. They are what hold organizations like ours together. We _have_ to display strength right now.”

Mon Mothma lays a hand on Leia’s arm. 

Cassian hopes he doesn’t sound too pleading when he says “Then give these medals to your new recruits, Skywalker and Solo, I’m sure _they_ won’t mind. But please leave us out of this. Intelligence operates from the shadows. This is how it has always been and it should stay that way. Let the pilots be the heroes.” He manages to keep any bitterness out of his voice, which is a relief. It is almost funny how wrong Draven was about him. He never desired to be a hero. “Think about what kind of message it sends when you give medals to people who have openly defied orders.” He intensely looks at Mon Mothma now. She will understand, if the princess won’t. 

Leia looks doubtfully at the older woman, who briefly smiles her enigmatic, sad smile and then nods. 

“I hope you don’t mind, Leia," she says, “but I think Captain Andor has a point. The ceremony with Solo and Skywalker will probably suffice.” 

Leia quirks her mouth unhappily and sighs, but obliges. “Alright. If that is what you want. But don’t tell anyone I haven’t tried.” 

### 

Jyn

When they are evacuated to the _Liberty_ , a giant MC80 Mon Cal cruiser, Jyn’s life finally settles into something resembling a routine again. All the formalities are finally over: She is a Rebel lieutenant now, with security clearance, and works under Cassian’s command in Intelligence. Aside from code-breaking and forging she is assigned to train fellow Rebel soldiers in hand-to-hand combat, a task she finds herself enjoying. It keeps her focused and the physical exhaustion makes her sleep better at night, even though her new quarters are even more cramped than the ones on Yavin IV. The small cabin she inhabits now is barely more than a box with a narrow cot and a small cabinet built into the walls, but it isn’t as if she had any possessions to store anyway. And it’s a lot better than sleeping in a dormitory bunk. All in all, it seems as if her life is finally getting a new direction. 

She shares the feeling with Bodhi, who is a lieutenant now too, and conveniently lives on the same corridor as her. After Base One had been evacuated and things had settled down a bit, she had found herself spending more time with him than with Cassian, even though their whole group tends to gravitate together at meal times - even their Captain. It suits her, as Jyn has found it easier lately to keep a professional distance from Cassian. The night she spent - unnecessarily and pathetically - hurting about the fact that he might have left her has taught her a much needed lesson. Saw’s voice in her head finally reclaimed the power it needed to get through to her. 

_It is one thing to get attached to your comrades, friends. But not … to one person in this way. This way lies only pain. I don’t need this in my life._

Jyn is proud of herself for having finally managed to get her feelings back in check. She had granted herself this one night of bitter indulgence in her own fears, and then opened a new compartment in her heart and shut it all away, like she had done so many times before - with her mother, her father and Saw and other things hidden away too well to be remembered now. 

So, she has resolved to think about Cassian from now on solely as a friend and fellow soldier. Shouldn’t be too hard.

***

When she enters the mess hall some days after the evacuation, she finds the rest of the Rogues already assembled for lunch. She gets a tray, shuffles through the line of waiting Rebel personnel and receives her ration for the day from a server droid. The perks of belonging to an organization like the Rebellion - and being stationed on a Mon Calamari cruiser in particular - are that most of the time, there is _real_ food. Not ration bars, real cooked food. On a Mon Cal ship this primarily means lots of algae, but Jyn can absolutely live with that. She had never been picky about her food - which would be kind of dumb when you don’t know where the next meal will come from - but she appreciates it when it is particularly good.

She slides on a bench next to Bodhi who readily makes room for her. On his other side Baze waves in her direction, and Chirrut, across from him, says much too loudly, “There you are, Jyn. The Captain was already missing you.” Jyn starts to eat and pretends not to notice Cassian’s indignation and the slight change of color in his complexion. It’s hard, though, sitting just across from him.

“I merely pointed out that you were late and that I was wondering if everything went well with the changed practice schedule for the new recruits,” he says in a neutral voice. 

“Of course.” She only looks up briefly from her meal. “I just got held up because one of the new guys came in and wanted to talk about joining my practice sessions. It was _him_ , actually, the Skywalker kid.” 

“Oh," Bodhi chimes in, “I thought he would be joining Red squadron permanently. Why is he taking lessons in hand-to-hand combat?”

“It never hurts to be proficient in more than one area,” Cassian shrugs, and Chirrut remarks “There is more to Skywalker than the eye can see. It’s prudent of him to prepare for different challenges, because challenges are coming to him, for sure.” Everyone looks slightly weirded out, but Chirrut, as usual, is completely unfazed by that.

In that moment everyone’s attention is diverted when the door swings open and Princess Leia and Han Solo rush in, apparently wrapped up in an argument.

The princess loudly remarks “Well, you could have left right away, you got your reward delivered right after you came to Yavin, didn’t you? You could long be away and spend it somewhere on Nar Shaddaa or Kwenn Station or wherever you types like to throw your money around. But I still see you here, following me around to be a pain in my ass!” She grabs a food tray from the stack by the door with much more force than would technically be necessary. 

“I’m not … I’m not trying to be a pain your _royal_ ass, _princess_ , I’m here to complain that _my ship_ is rusting away in the belly of this giant fish tank with nobody able to tell me how much longer we’ll stay in hyperspace so I’d know when I can leave! I’d much rather have something to do that actually makes sense than hang around here with all you fanatics …” 

Leia gives him an angry stare and snidely remarks, “‘Fish tank’ is a very offensive term that I suggest you don’t use again. You find yourself on a vehicle representing the pinnacle of Mon Calamari engineering, which the Mon Cals have generously dedicated to our cause and without which we would be very much lost. And if you don’t like your assignment, you don’t have to take it. You’re not officially part of the Rebellion yet, so I can’t order you to.”

Now they’re standing face to face, piercing each other with furious stares. Leia clutches the food tray at her side and Jyn briefly wonders if she will hit Solo with it. But no, the princess has admirable self-control, and Solo doesn’t respond at once. Instead he sends a glare around the room that lets anyone who had been following the conversation (which is basically everyone) hastily return to their food or their own conversations. 

When the princess’s gaze meets Jyn’s, she seems to consider for a moment, and then says to Solo, in a too sweet voice: “Actually I might have something for you. If you’re so anxious to get out of here.”

Solo sighs theatrically and holds his palms up. “Well, anything! Just get me out of this –,” he lowers his voice, as he notices several Mon Calamari heads turned in his direction, “rustbucket," he finishes lamely.

Leia proceeds to get some food, calmly, as if she had all the time in the world, and walks right over to them, ignoring Solo. “May I join you?” she asks, looking at the last bit of empty space on Jyn’s bench, and sits down when she nods. Solo, clearly irritated, gets some food of his own and reluctantly follows the princess. He squeezes in on the bench next to Cassian, who doesn’t look exactly thrilled and slides a little bit further down.

Without her white ceremonial gown, in a practical jumpsuit with her hair neatly braided up, Leia almost looks like a regular soldier. “It’s lucky to find you all here,” she says. “Would you be interested in a mission?” The princess looks expectantly from Jyn to Cassian to Bodhi, shovelling a mouthful of algae steak into her mouth. “I could use a special ops team for a little side operation, and I happen to know that Mon Mothma has nothing else planned for you at the moment.” She looks at Chirrut and Baze and adds: “Of course I could use you two, too, but as you’re not officially part of the Rebellion, I can’t order you around any more than I can _Captain_ Solo.” Leia deliberately doesn’t look at the smuggler and Solo dramatically rolls his eyes and stuffs a forkful of food into his mouth.

“We’re not technically a special ops team,” Cassian objects carefully. He has finished his meal and leans back against the bench’s backrest with his arms crossed.

“Oh, I know that. But you insisted on the original Rogue One command crew as your team, didn’t you?” Cassian keeps his gaze fixed on Leia, seemingly wanting to avoid looking at anyone else. “And as you have a crew with such a wide range of different talents and skills, I hope you forgive me for wanting to employ you as a special ops team. Maybe just this once - it doesn’t have to become a regular thing. And Captain Solo here is looking for something to do, being himself a rather ‘special’ individual –“

“Oh, that’s enough!” Solo throws his hands in the air, his fork clattering down on his tray.

“Let me finish!” Leia hisses at him and surprisingly to Jyn, Solo obliges and just glares.

“One of my Alderaanian associates is in trouble. She is working as an undercover agent at an Imperial facility on Corellia, but all of this was planned as just a temporary assignment. She was scheduled to be brought back by an official delegation, which would have included myself and some of my father’s trusted aides, as she is there on the pretence of official business from the Alderaanian government. With Alderaan being no more, well …” Her face darkens for a moment and she doesn’t finish the sentence. “I have had no way to bring her home safely until now, as she wasn’t in any immediate danger and our forces were too few and far between to be assigned to something low priority like this. The situation has changed, however. I have received a coded message from her that she needs to be extracted now, because she has managed to get important information and her cover might be blown. This was two weeks ago. I have heard nothing since then.” 

“You want me to go to _Corellia_?” Solo blurts, blinking at her unbelievingly.

Leia throws him a look like you would at a child that should know better. “Yes, of course. You know your way around.” 

“Yeah, well, the last time I have been there is a _long_ time ago.”

“Doesn’t matter, it’s the best we have. I can’t very well search Rebellion personnel files for someone with a Corellian background with the same capabilities you have - and we can’t spare anyone right now anyway. You will do fine. Or do you disagree, Captain Andor?” She is looking at Cassian now.

Meanwhile Solo looks taken aback, as if he is not sure whether he should be insulted or flattered. “You think I’m expendable, then?” he asks warily.

“What kind of information does your contact have?” Cassian, ignoring Solo, is determined to be all business, as usual. 

“I can only speculate about the details as her last message was very brief, but I will of course give you all the info I have, if you agree to do this,” Leia replies. To Solo she says, without turning away from Cassian, “Your words, not mine.”

The smuggler seems to need a moment.

Cassian quickly jumps in. “We will need a cover story, but I think I can arrange something.” He looks at everyone in turn, silently asking for their approval. Jyn just nods, everyone else mumbles “sure”, or, in Chirrut’s case, “where Jyn goes, I go” which embarrasses her a little. 

“Great!” Leia exclaims. “Then it is decided. You all take the _Falcon_ , I get a problem solved and the scoundrel is out of my hands.”

Solo opens his mouth as if in protest, but Cassian is faster. “With all due respect, Leia, we have our own pilot. Bodhi knows his way around Imperial installations –“ 

“No. Corellia is very heavily dominated by the Empire, even though CorSec is still the law enforcement authority on paper. I would feel better knowing you’re there with a larger team, and with someone who knows his way around the underworld. You’re taking Han and Chewbacca. Or is there a problem, Captain?” 

Cassian’s skeptical expression smoothes over. “No, of course not, princess.” 

Solo’s mouth shuts like a fish’s, then opens again. “Actually, it’s _Chewie and me_ taking _them._ ”

“I don’t care," Leia deadpans. The look she throws him dares the smuggler to speak again. 

Cassian looks as if he is already far away, making lists in his head of all the materials they will need.

At the corner of the table, Baze quietly sighs and looks accusingly at Chirrut. “What have you gotten us into now?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the last chapter, Yavin base was evacuated and the Rogue One crew moved to the cruiser Liberty. No trace of Draven had been found, so everyone was just hanging around with too little to do. Until Leia sent the Rogues on a mission - along with Han and Chewie. This was the calm before the storm, folks - this time, it gets a little bit windier (nothing to worry about, though - yet).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a hard one for me - I'm having difficulties with action scenes, and now this is a mission fic, too. This story is all over the place and I'm in way over my head, but I hope you enjoy the new chapter nonetheless! ;)  
> Thanks imsfire for betaing! <3

### Jyn

Finally a mission. Jyn is excited to have an assignment, the first chance since Scarif to get out of spaces cramped with too many people and do some real work. She loves the perspective of working with her team mates again, all of whom she considers friends now, or even something deeper than that, despite how short a time they have known each other. She is not so sure about the smuggler and his furry co-pilot, however. She thinks she has gotten to know enough about Leia that she understands her a little, but those two are a wild card. She can’t imagine how Cassian will deal with the headstrong smuggler and his unconventional ways and she can’t say she is surprised when she overhears the first conflict before they have even left the _Liberty’s_ hangar. Jyn is already on the _Falcon_ , packing equipment for the mission into storage spaces pointed out to her by Chewbacca, when she hears Cassian and Captain Solo approaching the boarding ramp. They appear to be in the middle of a heated conversation. She can’t really make out the start despite their raised voices, except it seems to be about something concerning _fuel_ of all things? When they draw nearer she can hear Cassian stating “… I’m the commander of this mission and the highest ranking Alliance officer here.” His voice is firm; she thinks she hears a little bit of strain though. 

“Look, Andor, and I’m the captain of this ship, okay?” Solo sounds exasperated and lets out a theatrical sigh. “I’m not planning to interfere with your little spy games on Corellia, so don’t interfere with how I manage my ship!” 

Jyn decides to break the tense silence that follows by ducking her head around the bulkhead and stepping out on the ramp. “To be fair, your ship really looks like a hunk of junk. I couldn’t believe the gossip until I saw it with my own eyes.” 

“Hey!” Solo spins around and angrily points a finger at her. “Don’t insult my ship or you can stay right here!” 

Jyn returns his stare with a defiant grin, but Cassian shrugs. “I don’t care if it’s pretty as long as it’s reliable,” he says with a sigh, but she thinks she detects a glint of humor in his eyes.

Solo, who has turned around to face Cassian again, his mouth already open for another tirade, is halted in his tracks, clearly not having anticipated this reaction. 

Cassian stands on the ramp with both hands braced on his hips. “Let’s just agree not to interfere with each other’s areas of expertise, alright? I’m used to working with independents - two members of my own team don’t have any official Rebel commission - but in case something goes south I need to be sure that you will follow my orders. The survival of all of us may depend on it.” He fixes Solo intently with his dark eyes, completely unfazed by the smuggler’s attitude, effortlessly stealing his thunder. Jyn is amazed.

Solo looks nonplussed for a moment, then simply says “Fine. I can live with that, I guess.”

Cassian nods at him, still holding the smuggler’s gaze. An understanding seems to be made between them. 

_I clearly underestimated his diplomacy skills._

***

Later, when they are safely away and in hyperspace, Jyn lounges with Solo and Chewbacca in the cockpit for a while longer, while everyone else seems to have assembled at the dejarik table - or, in Cassian’s case, buried themselves in datapads. Jyn puts her feet on the seat beside her, effectively blocking the corridor. She still feels good, in a strange way, relaxed almost, as long as she keeps shoving thoughts about Cassian to the fringes of her mind. She studies the peacefully blinking control lights around her, finding a strange calm in all of that, while the smuggler duo finishes calculations on entrance vectors or something like that. In a way this reminds her of her missions with Saw. The calm before the storm.

After a few more minutes, Chewbacca rises to leave the cockpit and Jyn makes room for him. Solo turns in his seat and looks quizzically back at her. “So, how long have you been with these guys?” he asks. “I heard your start with the Rebellion was rather unorthodox, too, huh?” 

Jyn laughs. “Yeah, you could say that. They basically abducted me - ok, rescued me from prison first, to be fair. Then killed my father. Who could have given them valuable information. You know. The usual.” _Okay, that wasn’t intended to come out so harshly._

“Wow, okay, that’s – bad. Not that I had much say in the matter either, but I capitulate. Your story is way more fucked up.” 

“You bet.”

“Then why are you still here?”

_Because I feel drawn to some of these people. Because they’re my family now. I should know better than this, but these are just the facts._

“I don’t know. I guess I didn’t really have anywhere else to go.” The lines around her mouth harden and Solo throws her a look that could almost count as sympathetic.

“Yeah, I kind of know how that feels.”

Jyn smiles a small smile in response and Han returns it.

“You really in it for the money?” she asks, tilting her head. “You can tell me, I won’t spill it to Leia - or Cassian, for that matter. It’s just us criminals here.” 

Han shrugs. “Of course I am. Chewie and I need _something_ to pay for fuel and ration bars.”

“Funny, I could have sworn that I heard that you had all the chances in the world to leave right after the battle, _with_ your money.” 

“Yeah, I – well, come on, I’m not an asshole, you know? They needed ships, we have a ship …” He shrugs again.

Jyn smiles and nods understandingly. “That’s what I like about the Rebellion, I guess. Despite everything. Fewer assholes than anywhere else.” _And one of the biggest ones gone now, too, hopefully for good._

Han quirks a corner of his mouth in agreement.

“Although I would have thought that the princess would have had something to do with you staying …”

Han’s expression darkens at once and he shakes his head vehemently. “No, no, don’t you start with that, too. I thought we had an understanding here! The princess can kiss my and my wookiee’s ass.” 

Jyn laughs out loud. She is still not entirely sure what to make of this guy, but he is hilarious. 

“And if you don’t shut up about it,” he leans forward over his seat’s armrest and lowers his voice, “then how about we talk about you and your handsome gloomy guy back there? I’m sure half the people on the _Liberty_ have already placed bets on when you two finally get it on.” 

_What in the seven Dathomiri hells …_ Jyn freezes for a moment. _No, don’t rise to the bait._

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she declares stiffly.

Han smiles mischievously. “Yeah, sure.” 

At that moment Cassian appears in the doorframe. “Solo, I need to speak to you about – am I interrupting something?” He stops in his tracks when he notices their expressions.

Jyn looks up at him in a way that she hopes is neutral. Han puts on one of these broad, not quite honest grins, and pats one of Jyn’s outstretched legs. 

“No, not at all, Captain. Nothing to interrupt here.” 

Jyn glares at him and tries not to jerk her legs back too quickly. Han gets up and follows Cassian out the door. But not without whispering to Jyn in passing “You’re a terrible liar. I’m betting on before the month is over.” 

***

As a matter of fact, the _Millennium Falcon’s_ speed is really impressive, so their travel time is only about 36 hours and there is only one night to spend. The Corellian freighter thankfully has two crew quarters with three bunks each, and Solo has his own room, so they all fit in perfectly. Chirrut and Baze bunk down with Chewbacca, which leaves Jyn, Bodhi and Cassian in one room. Bodhi turns in around the same time as Jyn, but Cassian looked as if he planned on spending another few hours on his datapads.

Even though she is tired and this ship is one of the safest places she can imagine, Jyn finds herself lying awake in the dark for a while, listening to the unfamiliar sounds of the ship. Its low humming is soothing somehow, but she hasn’t yet gotten used to the sporadic creaking and hissing. It’s always a problem when she sleeps somewhere new and isn’t in a state of total exhaustion. Like her body wants her to be alert at the smallest sign of possible danger.

In the bunk to her right she can hear Bodhi shift, and then his soft voice asks in the dark “Jyn? Are you … still awake?”

“Yes,” she replies equally softly.

“You … do you think he’s okay? Cassian, I mean?”

That takes her by surprise and she needs a moment or two to phrase an answer. “I … guess? Yes, why?”

Bodhi sighs. “It’s just that … since the thing with General Draven, he seems cold, you know? Single-minded? Like I haven’t seen him since before … since before Scarif. He barely talks about anything anymore except missions, duty rosters, assignments. I thought with you, he might … I thought at least with you - you know, I just hope he’s okay.” 

Jyn feels a painful sting in her chest and a tiny bit of guilt nagging at her. She had been almost avoiding him lately, trying to be his friend, just like before, but with a little bit more distance. She hopes he didn’t interpret that as coldness. _And as what should he have interpreted it?_ A merciless part of her mind asks her.

“I think none of us are fully okay yet,” she says, before the silence stretches out too long in the darkness. 

And then Bodhi surprises her by wistfully saying, “Maybe it would get better if we could get him his droid back. He has backups, yes?”

“Yes, he does. What do you mean?”

“I’m sure there are security droids somewhere near our target on Corellia. We’re at Coronet.” 

Jyn grins at the ceiling of the low bunk above her and unconsciously clutches her kyber crystal. She already knows how this is going to go. “And you want to kidnap one?” 

“Well, not me, obviously, I’m not a fighter, I can’t go out there and … and, you know? That’s more like your and Baze’s and Chirrut’s thing. I’m there to get you in and fly you out afterwards. Maybe help with the reprogramming, if Cassian lets me. What do you think?”

Jyn closes her eyes and chuckles very quietly to herself. “I think you’re right. I think he might feel better with K-2 around.” She imagines how Bodhi’s face probably lights up in childlike excitement right now. One of her favorite expressions of all time, probably. 

“Then it’s a plan?” 

“It’s a plan. Let’s tell Chirrut and Baze tomorrow. But don’t let Cassian get wind of this or he _will_ find a way to stop us.” 

“Yeah, yeah. ‘Course.” 

“Did you see if there were any ion blasters among our equipment?”

“I think I saw one or two on the list.” 

“That’s good then. Good night, Bodhi.” 

“Good night, Jyn.” 

Jyn thinks she can almost hear his smile in the dark.

***

Jyn doesn’t know what time it is when she is woken up by someone coming in the small cabin and lying down in the third bunk. It has to be Cassian, her drowsy mind concludes. He is obviously trying to be very quiet, but even a spy can’t persuade a sliding door to slide more quietly. She doesn’t dare to move because she doesn’t want him to notice that she is awake, but clutches her blanket tightly. With every almost inaudible rustle of fabric and creaking of ships’ fittings she imagines Cassian’s movements, until there is no sound left except for Bodhi’s soft steady breathing. Suddenly the distance between her and the bunk on her left seems way too wide. She remembers sitting at his bedside for whole nights, sleeping with her head against the wall or with her arms propped on his bed. Just an arm’s length away from touching him, with the reassuring knowledge that she could always just reach out and hold his hand, let him anchor her to this world without him even knowing it. But recreating this closeness, deliberately seeking it out, seems as impossible as going on a space walk without a vac suit.

_It’s better this way. It’s better this way,_ she keeps telling herself.

When she begins to feel cold, she finally allows herself to roll over, facing the wall, and wraps herself more tightly in her blanket. Doesn’t matter if he knows that she’s awake. Her painfully beating heart and buzzing head tell her that the restful part of the night is over now, anyway.

### Cassian

Cassian watches the blue swirls of hyperspace from his position behind the pilot’s seat, the datapad on his knee forgotten. They are scheduled to arrive in half an hour, otherwise he would never have chosen this place, it’s much too close to where Solo usually resides. He has a hard time trusting the smuggler, but _Leia_ does, so he relies on that. Doesn’t mean he has to like him though. Cassian is looking forward to the end of this mission already. It starts with the fact that he doesn’t feel comfortable on the _Falcon_. He is used to having his own ship and just K-2 as crew. He would choose their familiar U-Wing over the _Falcon_ anytime, despite its lack of comfort. The reasonably comfortable bunk beds, the galley, the dejarik table - he would readily trade all that for the familiarity of this U-Wing right now. _And for the company of K-2._ This ship is just not his territory, it makes him feel less in control and he has problems dealing with that. Jyn seems happy enough though, which makes him glad and slightly irritates him at the same time. It’s as if his short disappearance and the awkward morning at Intelligence command had never happened, or at least it is never talked about. He thinks she is sometimes watching him through her eyelashes when she thinks he isn’t looking, but he could be wrong about that. Otherwise, there is no indication that they were ever more than colleagues, that there was ever more between them than a difficult time weathered together and the temporary attachment two otherwise very solitary people develop from that. It’s all very rational and very consequential that it should be over now, that she doesn’t need him anymore. 

A part of him rebels at the thought, but he has to keep that part down, at least for now. It’s time to be professional again.

A few moments later Bodhi enters the cockpit and they go over the plan together - registering the Falcon with its brand new fake transponder at the small spaceport near one of Coronet’s shadier quarters, the Blue Sector. With Solo’s underworld and Bodhi’s Imperial procedure knowledge combined, they have a pretty good chance of getting at least their blasters through the border controls without breaking a sweat - something Cassian usually has a lot more trouble with, which is why he usually has only small, masterfully concealable weapons on him on core worlds. Something that will hopefully not be necessary this time, as Bodhi knows the customs procedures by heart and Solo knows exactly who to bribe. 

When they have safely landed, everyone gathers at the dejarik table to go over the mission details. 

“So, remember, we are merchants, looking to buy a shipment of fancy Corellian ale, if anyone asks,” Cassian briefs them. “Our ship is called the _Emerald Star_. Hold on to your fake scandocs, but don’t rely on them too much - you never know how up-to-date the Imperial databases are. On core worlds, the chances are pretty high that they are very up-to-date.” 

Cassian looks around at everyone, securing their attention. Solo looks bored as always, standing in his typical relaxed pose with arms crossed, but seems attentive enough. When Cassian’s gaze meets the wookiee’s, he says “Bodhi and Chewbacca will stay on board to keep the engines running, should we need to get out of here quickly. Jyn, Solo and I will pay a visit to the address we have been given by Princess Leia, where we should find our contact. Her name is Winter Retrac, but she goes by the alias Risha Miran here, as you should already know. Chirrut and Baze will come with us but remain behind, as backup.” He nods to the Guardians who both look much too relaxed for this kind of mission. 

“Let’s hope we don’t run into trouble, then this could be a quick one. Any questions?” 

No one speaks up. _That’s it then. Let’s hope this really turns out to be an easy one._ But Cassian knows that it seldom does.

***

Coronet doesn’t compare to Coruscant, of course, but Cassian is reminded of the Imperial capital nonetheless. High duraplast and transparisteel buildings tower over broad streets and narrow alleys, displaying huge colorful holo ads. What gives the Blue Sector its name is the dominant blue street lighting, which is just starting to be noticeable as the sun is setting. It lends everything an unreal feeling, which is maybe the purpose - or the reason why this became one of the city’s major entertainment quarters. (Along with the home of petty criminals and all sorts of underworld activities.)

Cassian has been here only once before, and it was a short visit, but he has read the Rebellion’s files about the place. Solo, however, turns out to have a wealth of knowledge about it, as he practically grew up here. The way he struts down the streets reminds Cassian of why he used to hate to work with anyone other than K-2 - especially if they are not professionals. He may have a way with criminals and fast talking himself out of situations, but Cassian finds his ability to blend in lacking. At the moment, Solo is gesturing broadly to explain some of the features of the main street to Jyn, talking too loudly. Bars, cantinas, tattoo parlors and casinos line up one after the other. Cassian has seen many places like this, so it doesn’t strike him as anything remarkable. Solo exhibits something like a strange pride for his home world, even though he had been so reluctant to return here earlier.

“So why is it exactly that you haven’t been here for so long?” Jyn asks right at this moment, all the while maintaining the air of an unbothered tourist, making conversation with a friend, but Cassian notices her constantly keeping an eye on everything going on around them, just as he is.

“Well …” he shrugs and lets out a little laugh, “you know how places from your past remind you of things you would rather forget? It’s not always just ‘good old times’.” 

Jyn nods, her expression closing off. “I know a few of those places.” 

“You’ve been around quite a bit, huh.” Solo gives her a side glance Cassian is not quite sure what to make of.

“You could say that.” 

They turn into a side street with a row of Ithorian restaurants, from there to an unexpectedly green street lined with huge trees, and then they are almost at their destination. The address from Leia’s coded message is supposed to be just one block farther. Cassian makes sure to check if Baze and Chirrut are still following them, and they are. They are walking hand in hand to look like just another older couple out for a walk, looking for entertainment, which is a good disguise. 

When they turn into the designated street, the surroundings begin to change. Instead of a massive wall of high buildings on either side there is now a series of smaller, lower edifices to their right that look old and decrepit, though not abandoned. Most of the windows are shuttered, but there are some signs of life, even though the street is oddly quiet. 

The road winds slightly uphill and when they arrive at the crest, they can see the unobtrusive, narrow building which is supposed to be the home of a small local Rebel cell. They don’t slow down, but Cassian scrutinizes the street for anything out of the ordinary even more intently now. It has almost gotten dark; the sky is glowing with the last faint orange colored light, which lets the run down street look almost beautiful. The area still seems deserted, which strikes him as odd, but they don’t really have a choice. 

He catches Jyn looking at him, her forehead slightly creased. As if she had read his thoughts, she quietly says, “I will go around the back. Safer if we split up, if it turns out to be not as peaceful as it looks. Stay in contact via comlink?” 

Cassian nods, but tries to capture her gaze for a moment. He trusts her instinctively, knowing that whatever she proposes, it’s probably a good idea. But he can’t help but look at her with a silent ‘be careful’ in his eyes. She briefly holds his gaze and then squeezes his upper arm, before quickly looking away as if confused at her own gesture. Cassian barely has time to blink, then she has already turned and vanishes down an alley. 

He tries not to watch her go for too long. It’s too conspicuous. “Let’s go,” he says to Solo. 

They give Jyn a few minutes by lingering at a small kiosk, pretending to be interested in buying snacks. When Jyn gives a short “in position” via comm they finally go over to the small metal door and activate the buzzer. Nothing happens. No sounds from inside. No cameras activating - at least none that are visible - no people coming out, no one responding in any way. He shares a worried look with Solo. The smuggler seems to have lost his nonchalance; his lips are pressed into a thin line. “Should I bust it?” he asks Cassian. 

Cassian takes a step back out of the doorway and positions himself in a way that partially shields Solo from view. He looks up and down the street. No one there. On the crest of the hill he thinks he spots Baze and Chirrut, casually leaning against a wall. “Yes, go,” he says under his breath, never averting his gaze from the street.

He hears the sharp sound of a blaster discharge and the door creaking. That didn’t seem to be a particularly reinforced lock. The air immediately reeks of burnt ozone. _Hopefully that didn’t attract too much attention._ Solo cautiously enters the building, blaster in hand, and Cassian is right behind him, covering their rear. The lights are on inside, but still, no signs of life. Cassian suddenly has the sick feeling that something is very, very wrong here. They pass through a narrow corridor into a large room that looks like a big office space. If Cassian didn’t have his blaster already in hand, he would grab it now. The room is in total chaos. Desks lie around upturned, there are scorch marks on the walls, cupboards are left wide open and have partially fallen over, their contents strewn over the floor.

“Cassian, Han, is that you?” Jyn’s calm voice asks via comm, barely more than a whisper. “I can see two people moving around inside, I’m in the backyard. Should I come in?” 

“No,” he says sharply. “And yes, it’s us. Stay outside, look for any potential danger. There’s no one here except us. The place has been ransacked.” Jyn doesn’t give any audible reaction but in his inner eye he can see her straighten just a little bit, eyes even more alert while she looks out from whatever vantage point she has. 

Solo is rummaging through the things lying around, but there doesn’t seem to be much left that could give them any clue about what happened. Cassian methodically walks through the room, examines blood stains on the floor, smashed consoles, more scorch marks. Thankfully, there are no corpses, which brings up the unsettling question _why_. Whoever did this didn’t leave anything behind. Datapads, weapons, anything this cell might have had is gone. _Which means it can only have been the Empire. Too late, we were too late,_ he thinks bitterly. The corridor leads to a few other small rooms, but the situation there is the same. He is just examining a closet at the end of the corridor when he hears Solo whistle. 

“Hey, I found something, look at this –“ 

In that moment, his comm emits a curse. “Fuck, Cassian, there are troopers incoming, can you hear me? It’s not CorSec, it’s Imperials, at least one full stormtrooper squad! You have to get out of there! They’re on the street, use the back entrance!” 

Cassian bites back a curse of his own. “Copy. Solo, grab what you have found, we have to get out!” he barks at the smuggler while he rushes to the small back door he had passed just a few seconds ago. “Jyn, tell Baze and Chirrut, they have to get away from –”

“Already on it. Get your own asses out of there.” A klick tells him that she has switched the channel. Solo didn’t need to be told twice. For once he thankfully doesn’t ask questions. They rush out of the back door onto the wide backyard that seems to be divided between smaller buildings, which is good for hiding but bad for a quick exit. He can already hear the pounding of stormtrooper boots. Damn, they were fast. Solo and he break into a run, trying to get to a narrow passage between two low sheds or garages from where they can hopefully make it to the other end of the backyard and out through some other building. Suddenly Jyn’s voice is in his ear again. She sounds breathless now.

“Cassian, Han! Try to get out through the buildings on the other side, there’s like a low storeroom, it’s the only way, you should head right towards it, and then go right through. Doors are unlocked. I’ll cover you if necessary.”

“Where are you?” Cassian asks breathlessly.

“Roof.” Jyn says briskly. Right. Of course.

It’s too risky, but nevertheless he whirls around for just a second to look for her. There. Small, dark shape right on top of the building. Damn her.

“Don’t get pinned up there, you have to leave, now!!” 

“Not before I got some of these guys off of your backs.”

Solo has already rushed through the narrow opening between the two sheds, and now Cassian makes a run for it. The noise is getting louder, a first blaster bolt hisses by only a meter or so from his head. _Crap_. The sound of more blaster fire. That has to be Jyn.

He runs and squeezes through, takes a second to orient himself and rushes through an open door into a dark, flat building. This has to be the storage room. He takes the small glow rod from his belt and switches it on with a movement of his thumb. It takes a second, but this way he will not run into something in the dark. Solo is just ahead of him, waiting, and lets Cassian take the lead with the glow rod. 

Cassian hears more blaster fire from outside, but the sound is fading rapidly while they move away and deeper into the storeroom. When they get out on the street, Cassian doesn’t stop running, but shouts into his comm “Jyn, report, please!” His leg hurts and he is way too out of breath for this little exercise. Damn old injuries.

He gets nervous when there is no answer. Solo looks back at him when he notices that Cassian has slowed down. Cassian squeezes the comlink in his hand, too hard. His heartbeat has quickened, and not only because of the exertion.

“Captain?” Chirruts voice suddenly comes in via the comlink, along with the faint sound of blaster fire.

“Yes, Chirrut?” 

“We’re retreating now. Jyn has found her own way over the rooftops. Seems like we were lucky and there are no reinforcements coming as of yet.” 

Cassian breathes an unconscious sigh of relief. “Just see that you get out of there fast. And that you’re not being followed!” 

“Of course, Captain.” 

Cassian curtly nods to Solo, who has been watching, and they pick up a brisk pace to get back to the ship, all the while taking detours and merging into the assembling evening crowd wherever possible. It seems like they got out of it okay, but Cassian can’t help himself being worried as long as he has no word from Jyn. 

“She looks like she can take care of herself,” Solo suddenly says.

Cassian turns his head to look at him, irritated. “Of course. She’s a soldier.” _Been made into one. Like I have._

Solo lets out a short soundless laugh. “You’re a strange bunch.” He seems to want to say more, but nothing comes out. Cassian just gives him another side glance. Why is he trying to make conversation _now_? Squeezing through a crowd of people blocking an alley, where apparently a new club or some sort of entertainment hell hole has opened? Running away from stormtroopers that were ready to shoot them just a few minutes before? 

“Not much stranger than the bunch that arrived at the base in that junk ship not too long ago.” He doesn’t even know why he dignifies that with an answer. Probably to distract himself from the possibility that Jyn needs help and has no way to contact them somehow and …

Solo nods to himself. “So you do have some humor. I don’t think I would have bet on it. I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t insult my ship, though. From you, I would have expected more.” 

In that moment, Cassian’s comm crackles and he rapidly pushes out of the crowd and to the side of the alley, ignoring the multi-language sounds of indignation following him. 

“Cassian?”

“Jyn, yes, I hear you. Where are you?” 

“I’m on my way. Lost them, but they got a hit on me. Maybe you can tell someone to have a medkit ready.” She breathes heavily, her voice is hoarse and exhausted.

Something cold runs down his spine, but he tries to ignore it, _just continue to function, damn it._ “How bad? We can come get you.” 

“No, not necessary. See you in a bit.” 

He puts the comlink away, taking the moment to conceal his fear. This is still new. It’s familiar from Jedha and Eadu and Scarif, the worry, the panic that something could happen to her, but it hasn’t, it hasn’t yet. He is still a commanding officer, he should get it together, it’s probably just a graze wound or something, force damn it. Everyone is okay. He won’t have to leave anybody behind.

“You okay?” Solo asks. Cassian didn’t even notice that he is beside him now. He didn’t notice that he is breathing too heavily, either. _Not good._

“Yes,” he answers brusquely, setting himself in motion again and setting a fast pace, so Solo has to make two small leaps to catch up with him again.

They are the first to arrive back at the ship. Not long after, Baze and Chirrut show up, unharmed, just a little worried for Jyn (like all of them are, Cassian realizes. Bodhi roots himself to the spot in the cockpit where he can watch the hangar entrance). 

When she finally arrives, walking upright with the air of a woman completely unfazed, Cassian almost collapses with relief. He just hopes the others don’t notice it. Bodhi jumps up and pats Cassian’s arm, smiling, before he squeezes by him out of the cockpit. Disconcertingly, the huge wookiee, Chewbacca, mirrors Bodhi’s small gesture and lets out a small roar, the meaning of which is obscure to him. From the back he hears Solo saying, “Yeah, buddy, you’re probably right. Should have upped my bet.” 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, the team got to Corellia, but the mission didn't go exactly as planned. Leia's friend Winter had disappeared, along with the rebel cell she was in contact with, and they only just evaded an Imperial patrol looking for any rebel sympathizers returning to their hideout. Now, they need a new place to start the search. Let's see how well that'll turn out ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it seems like every three weeks is a schedule I can actually realistically manage, so it will probably stay that way from now on. I'm very sorry that I can't post more often, but a lot of editing goes into this and with work and all that's just the best I can do at the moment. ;(
> 
> Thanks to everyone staying with me, and to everyone who has commented and/or kudosed: I love and appreciate you guys so much! <3 As always, many, many thanks go to my beta [imsfire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imsfire/profile), whose comments made my day today.

### 

Jyn

Jyn is relieved to walk up the _Falcon’s_ boarding ramp in one piece. It hadn’t really been close this time, but she is mildly annoyed at herself that she let herself get shot like this. Fortunately it is nothing dangerous, just a graze to the back, but if the stormtrooper had aimed only a little to the right, she probably wouldn’t be walking around like this anymore. And it burns like hell.

Still, she can’t help but smile when she sees all the relieved faces greeting her in the main hold. Bodhi hugs her very carefully before vanishing, mumbling “I’ll get your medkit,” which causes her carefully maintained composure to crumble a bit. She lets herself sink onto the edge of the bench by the dejarik table, trying not to grimace too much at the fire shooting through her back. The Guardians both smile at her and affectionately pat her shoulder before they too vanish suspiciously fast.

Cassian is standing in the doorway to the cockpit, looking at her like… she can’t even describe it. He still maintains his spy mask, of course, but either he has become worse at it or she can just read him better lately. He has his arms crossed, obviously trying to look unfazed, but just seconds ago, while Bodhi was hugging her, she had been able to steal a glance at him over the skinny pilot’s shoulder and she could swear there had been a kind of burning in his eyes. It doesn’t exactly feel unfamiliar – she has seen that same look before, and she knows this is the familiar thing, the thing she should fight and steel herself against. But it is so much harder when she feels raw like this, and she has an inkling that he - and all the other Rogues - share that feeling, too. It’s like they have gone through so much dangerous shit together, now every small danger, every chance to lose each other, however small, feels like it is too much.

Chewie howls something encouraging in Shyriiwook before retreating to the cockpit, tugging Solo with him, and Bodhi reappears for a second only to hand Cassian a medkit like it is the most natural thing in the world. Cassian blinks and stares at it for a moment before looking at Jyn. 

It takes a moment, but then he asks, “You want me to…?” 

Jyn looks at her hands for a second before giving him an only slightly pained smile, as if this is not awkward at all. “Sure,” she softly replies. Really, what does he think? Someone has to do it. But she bites back any sarcasm, afraid she might scare him off - or worse, hurt him.

Jyn turns and slides over on the bench so Cassian can sit down behind her. He carefully peels back the layers of burnt clothing and helps her tug them over her head. The molten edges of her undershirt are partly stuck to her burnt skin and a hiss escapes her as he nimbly but mercilessly removes the fabric from the wound.

“I’m sorry,” he says in a strained voice, but doesn’t stop. Jyn grimaces and suppresses a gasp while she tugs the remains of the undershirt over her head. 

“No need to be. Has to be done. I didn’t have to get shot. It was stupid,” she replies through gritted teeth.

“You covered our exit. Nothing stupid about that.” 

The wound is located on her lower left side and Jyn has to bite her lips to not twitch too much from the pain when his fingers begin to move over her skin, cleaning the wound and applying bacta spray. Besides the pain there is another sensation that distracts her, especially when he gently puts one hand on the uninjured part of her back to steady her while he applies the spray, and she is not sure if it is just the pain that makes her breathe slightly unsteadily. His presence so close behind her brings to mind how it felt when he held her in his arms back on Yavin… it makes her want to turn around, lean into him, close her eyes and just forget about the world for a moment. It takes all of her self-control to not do just that.

“You should take some painkillers. There won’t be much time to rest.” He takes a small package from the medkit and slides it over the table into her reach.

“Thanks.” 

He finishes the bacta treatment and then bandages the wound. Jyn suddenly becomes very aware of the fact that she is sitting here in just her bra. Cassian’s fingers feel a bit shaky on her skin and it takes him longer to fix the bandage than it probably should have. _The adrenalin from the escape. It’s probably subsiding._

Finally he says, “I think you’re good now. You’re lucky it was just a graze.” 

Jyn turns around to look at her captain, but his face betrays nothing. He doesn’t move either.

“Thank you,” she says simply, but there is nothing simple about this. Apparently it only takes the feeling of his fingers on her skin – and the relief of being back here safely, with him – to make her thoughts go places they shouldn’t. Not after everything, not after she had all of this figured out. She has had uncomplicated affairs before, out of desire, out of the pure need to be close to _someone_ , but she knows with Cassian it would be anything but uncomplicated. And she wants so much more from him, too… things she can’t even form into words. It is dangerous, this kind of wanting. So dangerous, she should withdraw now, while it’s still possible.

Some of that must show in her eyes, because his gaze suddenly evades hers, drops to her shoulder, and he does something that feels incredibly risky. He lifts his hand to her bare shoulder and strokes down her upper arm, following his hand with his eyes. When he gets to her forearm, he tenderly lets his fingertips run over that, too, and Jyn feels like her skin and all her nerve endings are suddenly burning with cold fire. When he arrives at her hand and takes it in his, squeezing it gently, Jyn’s brain goes into full panic mode. The wanting is getting too strong, and what is this anyway, he can’t possibly think this is the right time and place, they can’t possibly, and it’s too dangerous, _attachment makes everything so much harder_ – 

But she closes her eyes for a moment, pretending that time doesn’t exist. Seizes this frozen moment for herself, makes it her own. Dares the universe to see how long she can sit here unmoving with her hand in his until something happens to disturb the peace.

The disturbance is of course called Han Solo, and she doesn’t have to wait long for it to happen. The smuggler seems to have been oblivious to the fact that Cassian was tending to Jyn’s wound - or doesn’t care - because he storms in, already mid-sentence. “Andor, I think we have to move quickly, I–“ 

When he sees them sitting close like this, Solo stops in his tracks and instead clears his throat, half-laughing uncertainly, “Ah, I could come back later…” but Cassian jumps to his feet and busies himself with packing away the contents of the medkit. 

“No, no, we’re done here. We have to make a plan, and fast.” 

And just like that, the moment is gone.

“That’s what I wanted to say,” Solo says, “I just confirmed something. I’m pretty sure I have an idea where we might find out more about the rebels’ and our target person’s whereabouts.” 

“You do?” Cassian is alert again all of a sudden. Gone is the softness, like he too has remembered that they are here to do a job – at which they have failed so far.

“I’ll get the others,” Jyn says and a sarcastic inner voice adds, _and a new shirt_. 

***

“So, in the rebel hideout, I saw a symbol painted on one of the desks. It looks like this, like an arrow with two extra strokes,” Solo paints something with his finger in the air. “I wasn’t sure at first, so I checked on the Holonet, and I was right – it is the emblem of a local swoop gang, or well, it appears they’re more than that now. So maybe it wasn’t the Imps who took them.” He places his hands on his hips, waiting for reactions.

Cassian’s brow is creased in thought. “Unlikely. They were there so fast, they obviously had a secret alarm rigged in there, as a trap for any rebels that might be coming. This wasn’t done by a swoop gang.”

“But why should the symbol be there, then? It looked hastily scribbled down with a marker, not like this was someone’s usual desk decoration.” Chewbacca huffs an agreement.

“Could be a message to us,” Chirrut throws in, and everyone turns to him. “Something Winter Retrac could have left for our benefit, no?” 

“She knew - or at least hoped - someone was coming,” Jyn adds, looking from one to the other.

“Maybe, but the most likely possibility still is that all of them are either in an Imperial prison or dead by now,” Cassian states in an impersonal voice. Jyn notices Bodhi wincing at that. “Problem is, we can’t break into an Imperial core world prison, at least not with just seven of us,” Cassian continues.

“Damn right, we can’t,” Han grumbles.

Baze grunts. “Not so long ago, some people said we couldn’t break into the archives of Scarif.” 

A corner of Cassian’s mouth lifts, but he doesn’t say anything.

“Han, do you know how big this gang is, how many people they have?” Jyn asks.

“Not exact numbers, no. But I bet I could find out.” 

“Do that, please,” Jyn says, looking at Cassian. “This is the only lead we have. Wherever they are - _if_ they are still alive - the sooner we get them out, the better.”

Han doesn’t waste any time and barely waits for Cassian’s approving nod. He and Chewbacca get ready to go out. 

“What should we do in the meantime?” Jyn asks. 

Cassian throws her an appraising look. “You should rest,” he says decidedly. “Give your body a chance to heal.” Jyn quirks her mouth unhappily. Being idle is not what she does best. Especially not now.

“I will see if we can manage to tap into Imperial frequencies, to see if we can learn anything that way. I could use your help with that, Bodhi.”

Bodhi just nods. Baze looks unhappy about the prospect of more waiting, just like Jyn does. 

When the meeting is dissolved and Cassian is out of earshot, Chirrut beckons Jyn over to him and leans conspiratorially over.

“Bodhi told me of your plan - to get a droid body? Maybe we can help with that.” He taps Baze who is sitting beside him on the bench. “Baze saw a K-X droid walking around the spaceport when we came back here. Usually they seem to use older models here, but they have at least one of them.” 

A grim smile breaks out on Jyn’s face. “All right, that’s good news. We have to be careful, though. Our mission has to be priority. But if there’s an opening…” She shares a conspiratorial look with Baze. “… we’ll seize it. We just have to be quick.”

***

The night is spent resting, gathering intel, and planning, because it doesn’t make any sense to start anything until morning. Solo and Chewbacca return with much needed information - Jyn is amazed by the smuggler’s ability to ask questions and call in favors in all the right places - which they immediately use to devise something like a workable plan. Jyn is happy to have something to work on again, because Cassian’s determination to make her rest stresses her out. Because of the wound she has to sleep on her belly, which she hates. Cassian looked reluctant to take her on the mission in her injured state, but he didn’t exactly _say_ anything - probably knows it would be no use, anyway. 

So now, she, Cassian, Solo, Chewbacca and a female Drall Solo knew from somewhere are standing in front of a giant arched door, coming from a tube shaped corridor. Everything is lit with purple neon lights, which makes this feel slightly unreal. Painted on the door is the arrow with two extra strokes, only this time, two meters wide and purple, marking the headquarters of the swoop gang called Mynock Wings. The Drall who got them the meeting is speaking into a comm device embedded in the wall, and the doors slide to both sides shortly after. 

“I’m not sure I like this, going in the front door,” Jyn murmurs.

Solo looks over his shoulder at her with a big smile on his face. “Trust me, I’ve dealt with people like this my whole life. I’ve got this under control.” He even has the audacity to wink. Jyn thinks she can still detect an undercurrent of strain in his expression, though. So he is nervous, too. Not good. 

Cassian briefly glances at her with an equally stressed expression. “Too late now,” he says, almost inaudibly. “Just stick to the plan.” His hand briefly touches her arm for reassurance, but as welcome as the gesture is, Jyn doesn’t really feel reassured.

They are walked through a spacious foyer or something of the sort, lowlifes lurking in the corners. Jyn tries to memorize everything, should it become necessary to make a quick escape later. They roughly know the numbers of this gang, but nothing about the layout of this place. The Guardians and Bodhi are standing by as backup, but you can never be too careful. They have no idea how good the security measures of these people really are, if they really want someone not to get in. Or get out. 

Guards at the entrance take their weapons, which is inconvenient, but was to be expected. At least they are not too thoroughly searched, meaning Jyn gets to keep at least one small vibroknife, concealed in her boot. 

They are then brought into a big lounge area which almost looks like a bar you could find anywhere in the Blue Sector - lots of niches with plushy seating along the walls, a gallery one floor up, from which different colorful figures are looking down at them as if they can’t decide if they are worth stirring in their boredom. Guards at every entrance, but not too heavily armed. Mostly blasters, no rifles, no visible grenades. Waiter droids are passing around drinks, behind the long, pink lit bar is a Duros barkeeper. In the middle of the room, a round recess is outfitted with more plushy purple benches. There, an older Twi’lek lady with dark red skin is sitting, sipping a fancy looking blue drink. The aura emanating from her immediately tells Jyn that this is the leader Solo told them about. Jow’rori. 

And yes, the guards accompanying them immediately steer them towards her. The Twi’lek’s eyes follow their approach, but even though she is obviously paying attention, she still manages to look bored and aloof. The goons sitting with her make a quick exit at an almost invisible gesture from her, leaving only them, the Twi’lek, and the two guards who brought them here. Jyn is surprised they let all of them near her, even Chewbacca, who could probably kill or at least severely injure her with just one powerful stroke, but she is sure there are snipers hidden somewhere on the gallery - and maybe the gang boss just wants to make a point of how unafraid she is. A droid brings refreshments that no one touches.

“Han Solo,” she greets them. Her voice is hoarse and deep. _Like your standard villainous swoop gang queen,_ Jyn thinks. “Strange stories have I heard about you, and your wookiee friend. You’re from here, yes?”

“Yes, that’s true,” Han nods. He can’t quite hide his pleasure hearing that she apparently seems to have heard of him. Or pretends like she has. “But I left a few years ago. Wanted to make something of myself. And here I am,” he spreads his arms.

Jow’rori snickers, her eyes glinting mockingly. “So, what do you want from me? Snelnik here told me,” she nods to the Drall woman that brought them there, “you have an offer to make? You must excuse my distaste for small talk, but I am a busy woman.” 

“Sure, sure. Well, my friends and I,” he gestures to all of them, “are looking for someone, some people, and we thought you might know where they are and help us out with that information. In exchange for credits, of course,” he quickly adds with a conspiratorial smile.

Jow’rori quirks her mouth tauntingly. “And why do you think we might know something about these friends of yours?”

Solo shrugs. “We just do.” He holds her glance, expression carefully neutral and betraying nothing. He is better at this game than Jyn thought. 

“Well,” the Twi’lek sighs, “to make this short, I have an idea who you might be interested in. But we are not interested in your credits. There is something else though.” She leans forward, gaze suddenly intense and focused on Solo. Jyn feels Cassian slightly shifting beside her, tensing up. He is probably bursting with impatience, being used to usually being the one leading these conversations. Having Solo do it, giving up control, must drive him crazy, Jyn suddenly realizes. He had seemed cool during their discussion of it, they all agreed Han to be the best one for this specific job, but it must still be difficult for him. 

“You’re a good pilot, we hear,” the gang boss says, “you always escape, you have made the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs. Don’t look so surprised. Word travels fast on Corellia, and there are people here who apparently keep track of you. Much to my advantage. Fly a race for me.”

Solo convincingly feigns surprise. _This is all going exactly as planned._ “Well,” he says, putting on a reluctant air. “I could, of course, but I’m really more of a space pilot. And of course I’d have to be sure that you really have the intel we’re looking for.” 

“You’re familiar with a 22-B Nightfalcon?” 

“Yes, I’ve not flown one for a bit, but it wouldn’t be a problem to refamiliarize myself–“

“Good, then.” The Twi’lek’s eyes now have a feverish look to them, something Jyn isn’t sure she likes. She slowly moves her foot over an inch so it touches Cassian’s. He responds by bringing his knee closer to hers, so they almost touch, but his eyes never leave their host and their surroundings. “I have another idea, though. You fly for me, and your friends live. How’s that for a deal?” Hands like steel are grabbing for Jyn and Cassian from behind, but Jyn has been expecting something like this. She puts all of her energy into a forward lunge, out of reach of the grabbing hands and tries to throw herself at Jow’rori, but the Twi’lek woman is faster than she gave her credit for. She dives out of the way and immediately there is a bodyguard between them, pointing a blaster at Jyn’s head. Behind her, Cassian apparently threw his attacker over his shoulder, because there is a Devaronian lying on the floor between them, but he is now frozen to the spot. “Jyn, no!” he pants, and they exchange a look. His eyes are burning again, a distant part of Jyn’s brain notices.

Reluctantly she puts her hands up in the air. _Sithspit._ _This was not part of the plan._ They have no way to get out of here without their blasters and all those people around. 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Han sputters, “no need for things to escalate! I’m your man, okay? Let’s just talk about this.” 

Chewbacca, who has also jumped to his feet, lets out a menacing howl, but Jow’rori only laughs. “I’m sorry, Solo. You have been out of the game too long, I guess.” 

Two human guards take Jyn’s and Cassian’s arms and painfully pin them behind their backs, cuffing them. Chewbacca howls and hurls himself at Jow’rori’s bodyguard, but then a stun bolt hits him from behind and he collapses on the bench. The last thing Jyn hears from Han, when she and Cassian are dragged away by the goons, is him saying in a bitter voice, “Apparently I have.” 

### 

Cassian

For a time that feels like hours, but is probably more like several minutes, Cassian can feel nothing but anger at himself. This plan was a bad idea from the beginning. Why did he let it happen? Why did he _ever_ think it would work, with so many unknown factors? Trusting Solo, who apparently doesn’t know shit, who is just some reckless criminal, was just ridiculous. When he had been working alone - with Kay - he had never been this stupid. Now he has gotten all of them in danger and he isn’t sure how much of the situation he can control anymore, and Jyn is hurt and …

And _Jyn_. Jyn is lying on the floor beside him, but she is unconscious. The thugs who dragged them to this probably six square meter cell in the gang’s makeshift prison - which is more like a large warehouse crammed with shipping containers and what seem to be cages, like this one - of course made a point of ‘teaching them a lesson’ with fists and boots before throwing them in here. He doesn’t even know where they took Chewbacca, and he hopes that the wookiee hasn’t gotten an even worse treatment. The least worried he is for himself, because he knows he could probably manage to get out of here if he wanted to. He has gotten some bruises but no blows to the head, he remains functional, even though his old injuries protest and make themselves known by the occasional pulsing jolt of pain through his spine and leg. But Jyn… she took a bad hit to her already injured back, which sent her into unconsciousness from which she hasn’t woken up yet. She is not bleeding, at least not in a worrying amount, just from a split lip where someone’s fist hit her, but he is more worried about the things he can’t see.

He has yelled himself hoarse trying to attract the attention of someone here, trying to get her at least a medkit or something, but apparently there are no guards nearby, or they just ignore him. They are all alone in here, in a cage in a dimly lit storage depot with barely any space to move and he can’t even put his arms around her because they are still cuffed behind his back. He could probably reach the concealed security kit in his boot if he made an effort, but he hasn’t yet, because if Jyn can’t move, what is the point? Breaking out now, without a plan, without any idea where the guards are, would be another stupid idea. On the other hand, staying in here too long could cost them, too. Who knows what these people are capable of, what they plan to do with them? Extradition to the Empire is always a possibility, if they suspect something. Cassian is not sure how good Bodhi, Baze and Chirrut are at infiltrations, if they are able to help them. This is a terrible first mission for their newly formed team and he is not thinking clearly and that is a problem. He is spiraling, he is too afraid to lose her, he can’t bear to see her hurt and he hates the knowledge that is forcing itself on him just now, in this most inconvenient of moments, because on some level he knows exactly what this is. He can read most other people easily, and himself, too. But knowing, analyzing his own feelings from the removed vantage point of a stranger, is not the same as dealing. He shies away from the acknowledgment of it, like a Loth-cat afraid of fire. This kind of thing has been shut out of his life for a long time now, and he had believed that it would stay that way. It is too dangerous to have in a life like his, and acknowledging it makes it too real.

At that moment Jyn makes a small sound, a kind of choked sigh, which stirs him immediately from his inner debate. 

“Jyn,” he whispers, and awkwardly crouches down as low beside her as he can with his limited ability to move. His face is just half an arm’s length above hers, when she slowly, very slowly, drags her eyelids open. In the dim light that comes from a few fluorescent lamps high above, her eyes look dark, nothing like the brilliant green he is used to. 

For a moment she looks confused, like she doesn’t know where she is. She blinks a few times, trying to focus on him. “Cassian,” she finally drawls and her eyes close again.

“Jyn, stay with me, please?” he whispers pleadingly, cursing the binders that prevent him from touching her, from giving her comfort in the only way he knows how. 

“Mmmh?”

He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to focus. What is the drill? Yes.

“Jyn, try to look at me, okay? Do you know where you are?” 

“Ahhh…” she groans again, but opens her eyes and makes more of an effort to focus. “Corellia… mynocks… things…” 

He can’t suppress a small sigh of relief. “Yes, good. What’s the Empire’s capital called?”

“Coruscant… Imperial Center… Stop that, I’m okay…” 

“You don’t sound like it. What did you eat yesterday?” 

“I… some crap ration bars, I guess? Stop it, please… I’m not sure if a bantha ran me over or what happened, but I sure feel like it.” 

He presses his lips together and shakes his head with a curt movement. “I’m so sorry. I should have handled this differently. I’m going to get you out of here.” 

She tries to roll from her good right side to her back to get a better look at him, but grimaces when she realizes that this is not a good idea. He sees her biting her lower lip and breathing through the pain, before her eyes clear up a bit. She peers up at him sideways through her eyelashes for a few moments before she asks “Why do you always come back for me?” 

That takes him by surprise. “What?”

She doesn’t reply, apparently still too weak to explain… or she doesn’t want to elaborate. A few seconds pass in silence. 

“Why?” she softly repeats. Her eyes are closed again, almost as if she is drifting to sleep. 

“I…” He leans back against the metal bars at his back, letting his head rest for a moment. But he doesn’t have the words. Even now, he doesn’t have them. 

The silence stretches out so long this time that he is not sure if she has fallen asleep, or worse, is unconscious again. He slightly turns to his left where she lies beside him, and peers at her from the corner of his eye. No. Her eyes are closed, but she is obviously fighting to stay awake, trying to flex her wrists behind her back.

“I just noticed that you do,” she says quietly. “Even when you should worry about yourself instead. You saved my life twice. No. Three times.”

“You saved mine, too.” _In more ways than you will ever know._

“Not trying to settle a score.” Out of the corner of his eye he can glimpse a faint smile on her face. A good sign. “So how do we get out of here?” 

“Not sure yet. I hope backup will come, and I have a few tricks up my sleeve, but among other things it all depends on if you can walk.” He watchfully scans their surroundings again while they talk, but neither in nor outside this bizarre cage has he seen any surveillance devices. Which of course doesn’t mean there are none, but it means they have at least a chance that these are the kind of mobsters who really don’t care.

Jyn hums quietly. “I think I can. Just give me a few more minutes. When I try to lift my head everything keeps spinning.”

“No need to stress yourself. It would be unwise to run into another chaotic situation headfirst. We haven’t been in here for longer than maybe one or two hours. I would prefer it if we had more intel on what we’re facing.” 

***

Something like half an hour passes. Cassian uses the time to silently weigh their options and turn everything round and round in his mind again, trying to look at their situation from every angle, to form a plan with what little information they have, until Jyn abruptly disturbs the silence.

“I would prefer it if I had more intel on _you_ ,” she says in a strange voice, and so quietly that he has trouble understanding her. 

He is confused for a moment before he remembers their conversation from before, and a surprised laugh escapes him. He squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head. _Joking in a situation like this? Really?_

“I think you’re still a little out of it.” He keeps his tone light, so she knows he’s playing along.

“I think I am, too.”

“We have a little time.” 

“So?”

“So ask.” _Two can play this game._

“Ask?”

“You wanted intel, didn’t you? Asking is usually the easiest strategy to get it. And the last time we did that, we got interrupted by a Death Star.” 

She chuckles disbelievingly, obviously taken by surprise, but doesn’t miss a beat. “What is your favorite food?” 

“That’s easy. Chilaquiles. It’s my best recipe, too.” 

“What’s that?”

“Something we used to make on Fest.”

“You have to make it for us some time.” 

He smiles and shifts around so he faces Jyn and his shoulder is supported by the bars behind him. He hasn’t done any cooking in a long, long time. But it would be good for morale, so he could probably justify that to himself. “When we get out of here - and manage to get fresh supplies - I will. I promise.” 

“Did you - do you have siblings?” Jyn turns her head a little upwards, so she can watch his face better. 

He carefully tries not to let his expression give away too much. “Yes. A younger sister. But I barely remember her anymore. The last time I saw her, I was five. Don’t even have a holo.” 

He breaks eye contact with her, because he doesn’t want to see the compassion in her eyes. It just makes it harder, he doesn’t want to think about this now, he rarely ever does. He doesn’t even know why he went along with playing this game. Maybe it is being trapped on this stupid mission, or everything they have been through lately. Maybe he is feeling a bit reckless today. Maybe he is very well aware of the fact that he is a man who is able to talk his way out of most situations but finds it impossible to say a word about his true feelings to the woman he… Maybe he knows participating in this stupid game is the only way he can trick himself into revealing things that are too dangerous to face even in thought, but that he secretly desperately wants to be revealed. A very private part of him knows that he stops being his spy self when he is with her. It is a conscious decision, he doesn’t want to be that self anymore, especially with her, and what remains is… just him. 

Jyn doesn’t inquire any further and changes the subject, for which he is thankful. “Did you ever think about adjusting Kay’s reprogramming so he wouldn’t be as rude? Or did you want him to be like that?”

“Ha!” he laughs. “To be honest, I wasn’t happy with how the reprogramming turned out at first, but I had to live with that for a while and then, when I had the opportunity to change it, I realized I kind of liked his honest opinions and left it at that. You learn to value forthrightness like his when all you do all the time is lying to people’s faces and they do the same to you. Also I kind of liked how he annoyed the other people on base.” 

That gets an almost smug smile from Jyn. “I knew it.” 

Suddenly another voice lifts itself from the shadows of the storage space they are in and says in a mildly amused tone, “I hate to interrupt you two, I really do, but I have an idea why you’re here - and I think we really should leave soon.” 

For a second, there is a dead silence, and Jyn and Cassian exchange a startled – and a little embarrassed – look. Jyn immediately tries to scramble to an upright position which must be horribly painful, judging from her gritted teeth. Cassian slowly and silently rises and positions himself at the door of their cage. When he peers out into the corridor, he can’t see anyone, though, and chides himself for being stupid enough to look - the voice sounded like it came from much farther away, loud enough to hear but obviously spoken from a distance. 

“No use looking for me,” the voice says lightly, as if she had read his mind. Cassian’s mind is already racing. If this is not an elaborate trick, she has to be in another cell, somewhere around a corner of this chaotic space. “You can’t see me from where you are, and I can’t see you,” the voice adds helpfully. “It’s good that I’m a good listener though. But I had to be sure first that you are the people I’m looking for.” 

“You’re looking for?” Cassian repeats.

“Yes, well, or rather I assume you’re looking for me. Risha Miran, pleased to make your acquaintance.” 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last time, our heroes went to a swoop gang's hideout to investigate the whereabouts of Leia's contact Risha Miran - who's real name is Winter Retrac. The gang had other plans though and imprisoned Jyn, Cassian and Chewie, while making Han work for them. Jyn and Cassian discovered that Winter was being held by the gang, too. Now, all they have to do is escape... but maybe they will need some unexpected help to do that.
> 
> As always, a huge thank you to imsfire for beta-ing! <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a proper action scene! I'm proud. (Playing Star Wars pen & paper rpg really comes in handy.) This chapter is kind of split in two - first you have lots of action, then a quieter moment. And this finally concludes the Corellia mission. I have to admit that this took longer than I thought it would, but after this I will move on with my actual main plot. I really can't say how long this whole story will turn out to be when I'm finished, but it shouldn't take too long now. :)

### 

Cassian

“How did you know?” Jyn asks the strange person talking to them out of nowhere. A damn good question. Her voice still sounds a little strained, but her mind obviously is in the game again. Cassian’s mind still races with questions. Is this person even who she claims to be? It is highly unlikely that anyone would know who they’re looking for, except Winter herself. So he decides to trust her for the moment; it seems doubtful that anybody in this gang would know about her, or them and their true affiliation.

“Well, you did me the favor of talking to each other,” Risha - Winter - replies, a smile audible in her voice. “The droid gave you away. He’s quite unique, and I’ve heard stories about him. You had to have been sent by Leia.” 

“ _Was_ quite unique. He’s no longer around.” Cassian can feel Jyn’s gaze on him but ignores it and continues matter-of-factly, “Be careful what you say around here. I’m not sure if they have surveillance measures installed.”

“I’m quite sure they haven’t. These guys really don’t know anything. It’s quite a coincidence that I’m here.” 

Cassian raises his brows and darts a look at Jyn. She looks as skeptical as he feels and turns up her palms in an undecided gesture.

“What about the others?” Cassian asks in a low voice.

“I don’t really know,” Winter answers softly, her voice full of regret. “I hope at least some of them were able to get away, even when I couldn’t, but it was a confusing situation. We were in the middle of making a deal with the Mynocks when the Empire showed up. Naturally, Jow’rori wasn’t thrilled and I let them take me as insurance they would get their money eventually. Still safer than being imprisoned by the Empire. I couldn’t see what happened to the others. I try not to assume the worst, but one would be justified in doing so, I fear.” 

“The information?” Cassian asks. “You still have it?”

“Yes.” Not a sliver of doubt in her voice. 

“They didn’t search you?” 

“I have holographic memory.”

_Oh._ Beside him, Jyn has managed to scramble to her feet, but she still holds herself awkwardly and leans against the metal bars for support. She looks at him incredulously. _Wow_ , she mouths.

“I also happen to have observed them typing in the security code for the keypad that locks my prison cage,” Winter adds. 

Now Jyn’s eyebrows shoot up. 

“I just haven’t used it before, because my chances of getting out of here by myself were close to zero. But now…” her voice trails off with a hopeful note. 

Cassian nods to himself, a plan already forming in his head.

“Alright. So here’s what we’re going to do…” 

***

They wait until nightfall. Winter told them that in the evenings a guard shows up with some water and food, so they wait until after that and then some additional hours, to be sure. Most of the time, Jyn is resting with her head on his lap. She still seemed pretty out of it, at least she didn’t even argue when he suggested it. All the while he has been mentally walking through the steps of his plan, again and again, even though there isn’t much of it that he _can_ plan in advance. But it is usually the same with every mission: plan ahead what you can, then improvise. All this while there has been no news from Solo and Chewbacca. That’s one part of the plan they will have to improvise on, or those two will have to fend for themselves. Getting Winter and the intel out is the primary objective here; what is to be done about the smuggler duo is something to worry about later.

When he softly says Jyn’s name, she immediately responds by lifting her head and slowly moves to a sitting position. Apparently, she hadn’t been sleeping at all. 

“It’s time,” he says, watching her carefully for any tells that she is not well enough to do this, but she nods and the only thing he notices is that her face looks very pale and tired. Just like his, probably.

“I’m ready. Let’s do this.” 

Cassian calls, “Risha, you ready?” 

The response comes immediately. “Yes. Opening the lock now.” 

Cassian kneels down and fumbles for the hidden security kit in his boot, which is not easy with his hands bound at the back and wrists aching from the lack of blood circulation, but he manages with Jyn’s assistance. Picking the cuffs’ lock is even more difficult without being able to see what he’s doing, but Jyn helps as much as she can and several minutes later he has it done. He didn’t practice this kind of thing for so long for nothing. 

Beyond the bars of their cage a woman appears that he would call beautiful in the ethereal way that Mon Mothma is beautiful - tall, slender, with completely white hair, that is still pinned up into a bun that might once have been neat, but now looks disheveled. She also looks quite young, around Leia’s age, but holds herself like someone much older. Her wrists are cuffed at her back, too, and she looks at Jyn and Cassian curiously, but doesn’t say a word while Cassian frees both him and Jyn of their shackles. Then, he gets to work on the door lock, while Jyn pulls a small vibroknife out of her boot. 

“I see you came prepared,” Winter says. “I’m going to have a look around.” She disappears again.

“I hope she knows what she’s doing,” Jyn murmurs under her breath.

“I hope so, too,” Cassian replies without taking his eyes off his task. “But if she didn’t, she probably wouldn’t have survived her job in Alderaanian intelligence for as long as she has. We should be fine.” 

When Winter returns, Cassian has already pried the lock open. He allows himself some fleeting smugness about the lack of security measures these guys use. He knows that normally, for the average swoop gang, it isn’t about life or death or upholding ‘order’, like it is for the Empire, but it still goes over his head that they would leave them here unsupervised, with just one easily picked lock on the door, without any alarms. But well, they certainly aren’t aware who they are dealing with anyway.

“There are no other exits,” Winter answers his questioning look. “Just the one leading to the main building, unfortunately. And the ventilation shafts seem to be too high up, I don’t think any of us can reach one of the hatches by climbing. And no further prisoners, as well.” 

_Okay. Didn’t think so anyway. Stick to plan A then._

“Then we proceed with the plan, and hope the ventilation shafts in the main building are more easily accessible. Jyn, are you really up to this?” 

She looks slightly aggravated. “Yes.” She looks down and flexes her wrists, moves her legs a little bit, as if to test them out. “I’m not in great shape, but I can do this.” Her gaze is so determined that he is reminded of Scarif, and a warm feeling floods him. It will never cease to amaze him how strong she is, but even the strongest person needs to rest sometimes. Back then, she carried him through all of it; maybe now it’s his turn. 

“No sense in waiting, then. Let’s go.” 

The three of them march up to the exit, a massive portal that had at one time obviously been meant for unloading cargo containers. Right beside it is a smaller door most likely intended for personnel. Both are locked, but Cassian has yet to see the door panel he can’t crack. The most important thing is to be quick and silent, which is not always as easy. In moments like these he especially misses K-2 - his slicing program came in handy lots of times, and probably saved his life more often than he can recall. He goes to work on the smaller door panel and as expected it doesn’t give him much trouble - except for the loud beeping noise it makes when the door slides up with an audible whiz. _Sithspit_.

Jyn is already through the door and he lunges after her, hastily stuffing the security kit in one of his jacket pockets. He has no intention to let her deal with whatever she finds behind the door alone. 

Apparently he underestimated her, though. Yet again. He makes a mental note to not make that mistake ever again.

What they find behind the door is two guards, a female Twi’lek and a male human, who had until now been sitting at a desk, apparently watching a race on their datapads, who have scrambled to their feet hastily at the noise. But Jyn is already there before they have gotten hold of their blasters, slamming her elbow first into the human’s face, then into the back of his neck. He collapses with a grunt and Jyn kicks the blaster out of the Twi’lek’s hand. The blaster bolt aimed for her slams into the wall beside Jyn’s head. Cassian silently curses. Blaster discharges make lots of noise. While Jyn handles the Twi’lek, once again demonstrating her impressive hand-to-hand combat technique - she doesn’t even use the vibroknife -, he takes care of the human, who has recovered enough to grab for his blaster again, trying to aim it at Jyn. Cassian, somewhat less ceremoniously, grabs his shoulders and hurls him against the wall with all the strength he can muster, so the guard hits his head and goes down without a sound. 

Meanwhile, Winter has secured both blasters, which she offers to Jyn and Cassian with a prompting look, after the Twi’lek has gone down unconscious, too. Jyn refuses with a gesture, though. 

“You keep the blaster. I’m fine with this,” she gestures at her vibroknife. If she weren’t panting a little too hard and if her voice didn’t sound too strained, you wouldn’t notice she is injured at all.

Cassian tucks one of the blasters into his waistband and takes the guards’ commlinks, one of which he hands to Jyn. “Look out for anyone coming,” he orders her, then proceeds to carry the guards with Winter’s help to one of their cages and lock them in. It takes a bit too long for his taste, but if they wake up too soon they are screwed. 

When they get back, Jyn is waiting for them. Apparently no one else has shown up to help the guards. _Good._ Jyn points to a grate on the wall opposite from them about a meter up. “Cassian, there,” she says. He nods. 

“Alright, that looks big enough for us. Let’s try this.” He moves the table the guards had been sitting at underneath the ventilation shaft’s hatch, then goes to work on quickly opening the grate. Everything here is old and on the brink of decay; it doesn’t take long. 

“Jyn, you go first.” He hopes she can manage it, and his concern is warranted, because the little grunts that escape her while she climbs with his assistance into the small opening don’t sound too good. When she is up there she crawls backwards to give them space. Winter is going in next, but she seems to be in very good shape, so it is no problem at all. He climbs up last and fixes the grate behind them, so it isn’t immediately obvious where they have gone. It is regrettable that they have to leave the table under the grate, but it can’t be helped now. Still safer to crawl through ventilation shafts than openly walking around an enemy base. 

The next thing he does is to call Bodhi and the others. It takes a moment until he has managed to find the right frequency, but then he can hear Bodhi’s voice coming through the static, asking “Are you all okay? We have been worried.” 

“Yes, mostly. No time to explain. Get ready to bust us out, will you? Wait for our signal.” 

When Bodhi answers in the affirmative, Cassian deactivates the comm and hooks it to his belt. The less noise they make, the better.

Behind him, he hears Winter ask Jyn “Are you okay?” and a muffled answering sound from Jyn, who had been resting her head on her arms. He tries to ignore the cold dread spreading through his stomach. _No time for this now. She will be fine. She will absolutely be fine. If she can still keep going like this, it’s not really so bad. Probably just painful. Nothing some pain killers and rest won’t be able to cure. She will be fine. I need to stay focused. If I don’t, none of us will be fine in a couple of hours._

“Let’s go,” he says as quietly as he can, looking back at the two. “Try not to talk too much from now on, we can’t be sure how well they can hear us through the walls. Always assume that they can.” Winter nods but looks at him in an annoyed way that somehow reminds him of Leia. _Okay, okay. Shutting up now._

They start crawling.

***

Progress is not easy, but fortunately the shafts never get too narrow to get through. He doesn’t know what the purpose of this building was before the gang took over, but its layout seems to be sensible enough. Maybe a former office building, adjacent to the warehouse. More evidence to that theory is that they pass several smaller rooms that seem to have been converted into sleeping quarters and storage rooms for spare parts and equipment. Sadly, they don’t come upon an armory.

Once or twice he hears voices approaching, at which they stop and keep perfectly still, trying to understand what is being said. They can’t make out anything specific, though, but at least it seems as if their escape hasn’t been noticed yet. As soon as the voices have passed by, they move on.

Luck is on their side. After crossing two junctions, they end up in a ventilation shaft overlooking the gallery above the lounge area, where they first met with Jow’rori. Looking out of a small grate, Cassian can see that the light is dimmer than before, but he is able to spot the Twi’lek boss. Despite the late hour, she is still residing at the center of the room, bodyguards positioned around her, but fewer than before. Apparently Solo is with her, and on a round pedestal, surrounded by energy fields, he can spot Chewbacca. He can’t make out which shape they’re in from this distance, unfortunately, and he doesn’t have a good shot, either. Solo doesn’t seem to be cuffed, though. A sliver of doubt shoots like lightning through his mind. What if Solo isn’t as trustworthy as the princess thought? On the other hand, Chewbacca is still locked up, and those two appeared to be sticking together like glue. Also, judging from his agitated gestures, the smuggler seems to be arguing, although no one seems to be impressed by it.

He notices a tap on his foot, and when he turns his head, Winter is looking at him with an unspoken question in her intense blue eyes. _Plan?_ she mouths silently.

Cassian makes a gesture with his hand, pointing forward. _Keep going._

_Either we find a straight way out of here - and return for Solo and the wookiee later - or we’ll hopefully get somewhere where I have a better shot and can take out some of the goons, before we try to fight our way out._

He moves forward, but the shaft seems to curl around the circular room and every shaft leading away from it is too narrow to crawl through. In addition, there is only one hatch large enough to serve as a possible exit. It leads onto the first floor gallery, which is not too bad, but getting out that way would attract way too much attention and make them easy targets. Also the gang boss and her inner circle are barely in blaster range. He would have to be really lucky to get a good shot in, with this mediocre weapon. He heavily misses his interchangeable weapon system, but at the same time he is glad that he didn’t bring it with him. Otherwise it would belong to one of these miserable lowlifes now. 

Apart from the large hatch, there is only one more that would be suitable as a sniping hole. It doesn’t have a perfect angle, but he will have to make it work. Cassian makes sure that no one is standing in front of it, then he takes the blaster out of his waistband, sets it down carefully, and looks over his shoulder at Winter. 

“I’m staying here,” he whispers, trying to speak as quietly as possible while still being audible. “Best sniping position available. I can maybe take two or three of them out before they notice where I am. You go back and get out through one of the smaller rooms we passed. Call in our reinforcements. With you attacking from the ground and me from here, and ideally them coming in, we have a good chance.” They know that this gang only consists of around sixty beings in total, and not all of them are fighters. With any luck, at this hour, a lot of them are either asleep or not at the headquarters at all, but rather guarding some swoop hangar or racing track.

Jyn is leaning to the side to peer around Winter at him. The Alderaanian only gives a thumbs up, then quietly passes the information on to Jyn. She still doesn’t look good, too pale, but he has to rely on her ability to realistically assess her own strength. He hears her quietly whisper into the comm, and then giving Winter the sign to follow her. Luckily, the shaft is spacious enough here to let them turn around; otherwise they would have to go backwards all the way to the last crossing, which would be difficult and exhausting under the best of circumstances.

Cassian quietly proceeds to tinker with his security kit and the hatch’s grate, his hands calm despite their situation. He has been through worse. This is a mediocre swoop gang, low threat overall, nothing like an Imperial installation, they should be able to make it. Still room for improvement next time, though, this mission has gotten way too messy. When the grate is loose enough that he could put it away one handed, he stops and waits. Just when his eyes are starting to burn from watching through the narrow slits, things begin to move.

From his position, he has a view of the main entrance, which is opening right now. He can see Chirrut’s head, then his torso, and then the monk’s full body, as he is shuffling slowly in, as if nothing could disturb his peace of mind. _That was quick._

A guard is accompanying him, but with her blaster lowered. Obviously they don’t perceive Chirrut as a threat, which is surely exactly was he was going for. 

“I believe there has been a misunderstanding,” the monk’s voice soars loud and clear, so that it is even audible to Cassian at his distance. 

“What is this?” Jow’rori makes herself heard as she rises from her seat. “Who are you? Uhra, why did you let this one in?” The guard makes an apologetic gesture with her hands and replies something inaudible. 

Cassian slowly and carefully removes the grate before switching his blaster’s safety off and pointing it at Jow’rori’s head. It doesn’t have a sniper scope, unfortunately, but he thinks he can still manage to hit her. _Just wait for the right moment … preferably when Jyn and Winter and possibly Baze make their appearance._

“I’m here to get my friends and leave in peace.” Chirrut states calmly, with a friendly smile on his face. 

“Are these your friends?” Jow’rori makes a sweeping gesture in the direction of Solo and Chewbacca. When Chirrut affirms this, she sighs and sinks back down on her cushions. Cassian silently curses, his lips barely moving. Now a guard standing in front of her is blocking his view. The Twi’lek apparently gives her other goons a sign that is invisible to him from his high perch, because two of them move to grab Chirrut. 

And that is when mayhem ensues.

Quick as lightning, Chirrut strikes both of the goons with his stick, the first with one end, then the next with the other, ducks away from a badly aimed blaster shot and moves to fight his way to Chewbacca. 

But Cassian barely has time to admire the monk’s fighting skills, because he is already firing at his targets, missing some, but still hitting a lot of them. Jow’rori has ducked out of the way, unfortunately, but he is picking off the goons lounging in the immediate vicinity of Solo and Chewie, who has broken out in an angry howl that is in no way muted by the energy shields still holding him. An alarm is shrieking, but Cassian is paying it no attention, because now it is fight or die anyway. He picks off a Nikto careless enough to run by his sniping hole, and then hastily crawls back to the larger hatch. Among the sounds audible through the walls and amplified by the shaft, he is suddenly able to make out the familiar sound of a blaster salvo, a sound that is usually only produced by a weapon mounted on a vehicle. _Baze_. 

He hastily works on the grate to get out, but suddenly it is yanked away from the other side and a blaster bolt hits the shaft’s ceiling directly above him. In a somewhat reckless maneuver, Cassian throws himself out of the opening head first, while another shot passes over him by a margin so narrow, he feels the heat of it graze his ear. He rolls, flings himself around and shoots his attacker, which turns out to be a Zabrak. In the back of his mind, he notices that a triumphant wookiee howl has joined the deafening sound of Baze’s gun, and files it away as another point for their side. But he doesn’t have much time to check on the situation below, because now someone hurls themselves at him with a vibroknife, which is bad, since he doesn’t hold a melee weapon himself. The attacker, a human a little taller than him, misses his abdomen by mere inches because Cassian twists out of the way, but then runs him into the wall with his shoulder. For a moment, all air leaves Cassian’s lungs and he gasps, struggling to twist out of reach. But he is too slow, the attacker manages to slash across his shoulder with the knife, before Cassian manages to get his blaster up and shoot him at point blank range.

Panting heavily and trying to ignore the searing pain, Cassian immediately moves on and looks wildly around for new targets. The gallery seems to be empty now, so he heads for the stairs down into the main area. He stops behind a pillar from where he has at least a little cover to gain an overview of the situation below. As suspected, the energy cage is switched off, and the wookiee is hitting people left and right. He spots Jyn hand-to-hand fighting a much bigger woman in a dark corner, and for a moment he is frustrated that he can’t shoot her opponent without endangering Jyn, too, but she seems to be able to hold her own. Winter has taken cover in a niche and is concentrated on firing whenever someone gets into her sight. Jow’rori is nowhere to be seen. Solo and Chirrut are crouching behind one of the plush couches, the smuggler is firing shots here and there. Server droids are flying to and fro in panic, one of them already went down and is lying propped up by the bar, sparks flying in every direction. Blaster fire is coming from everywhere. _Shit_. There still seem to be more goons than he thought, most of them now hidden inside the niches, like Winter, or behind the bar. Luckily, Chirrut and Baze are fine, but Baze has taken cover behind an upturned bench from where he doesn’t have a good line of sight. Cassian is able to pick off two more thugs that are stupid enough to peek over the bar, but everything is nearing a stalemate, which is not good, because time is not in their favor. 

While he is rapidly going through their options in his head, he sees Baze talking into a commlink and briefly wonders if they have stationed Bodhi outside with some ace up his sleeve. He doesn’t dwell on it too long though, because he is interrupted by a Chadra-Fan jumping out of the ventilation shaft’s opening behind him. _Damn it, should have thought of that._

The Chadra-Fan’s batlike face is snarling at him as they hit him, sending Cassian almost hurtling down the stairs. Luckily, he can get hold of the railing and halt his fall, even though this hurts his already injured shoulder like hell and a groan escapes him. Much nearer to him than he thought she could be, he hears Jyn’s voice shouting his name while he gives his best to fight off the Chadra-Fan who is still coming at him. They try to pin him to the ground while choking him with one arm. Stars begin to dance before Cassian’s eyes while he more and more desperately tries to push the alien off who is surprisingly heavy for their small build. He has hardly any strength left in his injured shoulder and arm, so it must look like a pitiful struggle. He finally manages to get a knee between him and the Chadra-Fan and pushes them off, when a blaster shot from behind hits the small alien right in the chest and they stagger backwards. 

Jyn appears, now dashing for cover beside him, because she recklessly ran up the stairs, making herself an easy target. _She shouldn’t be this stupid._ Apparently, she acquired a blaster rifle, and gives Cassian a strained smile and a nod. The moment doesn’t last though, because now two more goons are coming through the doors on the gallery. Reinforcements, probably startled out of their sleep by the alarm. Jyn and Cassian hastily struggle to their feet again, sharing the meagre cover of the pillar, while firing back to back at their attackers, who prudently hide inside the doorframes and are not easy to hit.

“We have to get away from here,” Jyn shouts through the noise. “We’re sitting ducks! Go down, try to get behind the bar! I’ll cover you!”

Cassian wants to argue, but unfortunately she is absolutely right. He won’t leave her here alone, though.

“We go together!” he shouts in return, pressing against her back. “We run, let the others cover us. That’s an order. I’m not leaving you here!” _Baze can do it, I know he can. Just have to trust blindly, this time._

Not waiting for her approval, he yanks on Jyn’s arm as a sign to get moving, and then dashes down the stairs, head ducked low, happy to hear her footsteps behind him, which means she listened to him, for once. As expected, Baze’s gun rings out, keeping the thugs on the gallery from leaving their cover. He has never been more happy to hear that sound.

Wondrously, they both make it to the bar, dive down behind it and Cassian shoots the one remaining goon hiding there.

“Retreat, everyone!” Cassian shouts in the general direction of the room, hoping all of his team can hear him. He tries not to stop moving, runs as far as the bar goes in the exit’s direction with his head ducked low, after that from one cover to the next, always firing at hidden shooters when he can. Winter has already made it to the door, but suddenly backs down from it, her blaster raised. Cassian suddenly grinds to a halt, too, because what comes through the door at that moment is an Imperial K-X droid, black and shiny.

“Cassian!” Jyn screams from behind, her panicked voice telling him that he should really get moving, but then he is hit from behind with a small object or something and knocked off his feet. He is still conscious enough to notice that the K-X droid wields a blaster that he now fires at his attacker, who seems to go down because there is a terrible scream. Cassian doesn’t understand. He must have hit his head, because his reactions are incredibly slowed and everything blurs together. The last thing he sees is Jyn leaping behind a cabinet, a blaster shot passing just over her head, while the droid steps in front of him and continues to fire while it says, “Don’t worry, Cassian. Now I’m here, your survival chances are up at 88 percent.” He is not sure if the droid really said that, or all of this is happening in a dream world, because after that, everything turns black. 

### 

Jyn

“So you are stating that you actually gave me a blaster first?”

“That’s right.” Jyn nods and stares up at K-2’s photoreceptors, trying not to blink. The droid disappointingly shows no reaction at all. Their confrontation in the _Falcon’s_ main hold is accompanied by the hushed silence of the rest of Rogue One (except for Cassian, who is still unconscious). _Typical. Could use some backup here._

“I find that very hard to believe, Jyn Erso. The way I see it, Bodhi Rook was the first to give me a blaster, just one hour and forty-seven minutes ago.” 

“I already explained that to you. You were restored from your latest backup, which is why you don’t remember. I gave you a blaster on Scarif. Then you, well… died to save our lives. Which I appreciate, by the way.” 

“Until Cassian is awake, I have to believe none of that. Cassian told me to protect you, not that I had to believe everything you say. Which I don’t.” Now he looks kind of annoyed, as far as droids go.

Jyn looks down and lets out a sigh that is so deep, she thinks it must resonate through the ground beneath her feet and through the whole ship. 

“Okay. Fine. I get that this must be difficult for you. I’m going to rest now.” 

She feels the droid’s photoreceptors lock onto her back when she makes her way to the cabin she shares with Cassian and Bodhi, to finally lie down. They are already in hyperspace, having taken care of everyone’s wounds, thereby highly depleting their supply of medkits, and at the moment she thinks the _Falcon’s_ soft hum is the most beautiful sound she has ever listened to. They were lucky everyone made it out with only a few scratches and bruises, apart from her and Cassian of course, who have both managed to get concussions and blaster burns on top of that. Cassian had been in and out since they brought him back in Bodhi’s stolen speeder and patched him up as best as they could.

When Jyn reaches their quarters, he opens his eyes and blinks at her, which makes her pause in the doorframe. “Hey,” he says almost inaudibly.

“Hey,” she softly replies.

Jyn walks slowly over and sits down beside him on his bunk. “I have a feeling of déjà vu.” Her mouth quirks involuntarily into a small smile. _Is this how it is always going to be from now on? One ending up at the bedside of the other?_

“Yeah. Jyn, will you tell me something?” His voice sounds exhausted, but serious. 

“What is it?”

“The droid… was that… the Empire or was it really K-2? I thought I heard him say something, but I’m not sure if… if I imagined that.” He runs a hand over his face, clearly trying to focus. 

“You got hit by a Bola carbine and then hit your head. But no, that was really K-2.” She can’t prevent her smile widening as she thinks of the other Rogues’ amazing feat. “Bodhi, Chirrut and Baze stole - abducted - a K-X droid body from the spaceport. Bodhi wiped its memory and transferred the backup.” 

Cassian’s expression is unreadable. He closes his eyes for a moment, and looks more tired than ever. When he reopens them he has a weary, but determined look that spooks Jyn a little. _This is not exactly the reaction I expected._

Her captain proceeds to get up, slowly, carefully swinging his legs over the rim of the bunk, and pauses there for a moment. He blinks again, obviously trying to regain control of his body and not throw up while he does it.

“Cassian, what are you doing?” Jyn warily reaches for his arm, meaning to reassure him like he usually does with her, but Cassian makes a dismissive gesture and gets up. He steps up to the door and then out into the corridor. Jyn is confused for a moment, then annoyed, then worried, and decides to follow him. 

He still moves much too slowly, like an old man, which must at least partly be due to his injuries from Scarif, but with that iron will, Jyn sometimes wonders if there is anything that can stop him, if he has made up his mind to do something.

As expected they find Kay, Chirrut, Baze and Bodhi in the _Falcon’s_ main hold, who all stop talking when they see Cassian, their faces lighting up. Before anyone can say anything though, Cassian stops just short of the door. 

“Is it really you, Kay?” he asks, his face betraying nothing, but the spy mask isn’t as firmly in place as it usually is. Jyn thinks she detects a hint of insecurity.

“Yes, of course, Cassian,” the droid replies as he turns and takes a step towards him. “This body is new, but as you must have noticed, it looks almost identical. I am fairly happy with the new model, to be honest. It lacks a few of the flaws the old one had.” 

Cassian steps over to Kay and lays a hand on the shining droid chassis, looking up at the droid’s face. “Good to have you back, old friend,” he says, patting the droid’s arm.

Jyn allows herself to exchange a pleased smile with Bodhi across the room. It worked. So at least one thing on this mission went according to plan.

Cassian turns back and takes his time to look at the crew assembled around the dejarik table. He states in a calm, measured voice, “So, you did this while we were at the Mynocks’ base?” Bodhi searches for Jyn’s gaze again, this time with a more questioning look, but Jyn can’t help him, because she doesn’t know what Cassian is getting at, either.

Chirrut is the one to answer. “Indeed. We devised the plan beforehand, but this was when we had the opportunity to put it into action.” 

“You copied my backup? It was encrypted.” Now Cassian looks sideways at Jyn, who is leaning against the doorway, arms crossed. She just shrugs as an answer, trying hard to not let herself be unsettled by his piercing glance.

Cassian laughs a little and shakes his head, which he obviously immediately regrets, judging from the grimace following it. He licks his lips, then stares at every one of them in turn.

“Are you _all_ completely out of your minds?” He puts emphasis on every single word, not lifting his voice, but the steely undertone is worse than if he were shouting. “You didn’t have any orders to do something like that, _actually_ , you had quite different orders, which were to stand by, until we needed you. What would have happened if we had called you in sooner, while you were still caught up in your little side project? And stealing Imperial property, too? You could have made everything so much worse, you could, in fact, have gotten us all _killed_. You could have put the Empire on our tail. You are damn lucky everything turned out so well.” 

Cassian is absolutely livid now, Jyn can see it, even though he still hasn’t raised his voice over normal speaking level. But his whole body is tense, his face pale, his dark eyes seem even darker than usual, and are blazing with cold anger. Jyn’s stomach has sunk somewhere to the level of her feet. A little heat creeps over her neck, as she recognizes the truth in his words, but no. She adamantly keeps these feelings from showing on her face, fights the guilty-angry blush that is coming on. He is right, of course… only that he doesn’t seem to have understood how Rogue One operates. That they are not just a team under his command, but a _family_ , who does things like this for each other. 

“We weren’t lucky, we were _good_ ,” Baze responds, his voice holding only a little challenge. “We had it under control.” He seems to be the only one completely relaxed and unbothered by Cassian’s outburst. Chirrut frowns and seems to be deep in thought, but Bodhi has paled and looks very taken aback, which in turn makes Jyn angrier.

“We wouldn’t have done this if we hadn’t thought it would work–” Jyn states, her voice carefully under control, but Cassian furiously cuts her short.

“You _thought_? You know how often things don’t work out the way you _think_? We just had a live demonstration of that.” He openly stares at her now, in a manner that unpleasantly reminds her of Eadu. “And on top of it all, going through my personal things? I would have expected more from you, Jyn. From all of you.” Jyn almost physically takes a step backwards.

“Jyn Erso going through your personal belongings was not, in fact, to be unexpected, as she has been known to do it before–” K-2 chimes in, causing both Cassian and Jyn to snarl an angry “Kay!” at him. Cassian’s eyes meet hers for a second, but they immediately look away again, both angry and embarrassed.

“I would have expected some gratitude, at least from you, Kay,” Jyn snaps in a cutting voice, blinking furiously at the droid, because her head starts to hurt again, despite the painkillers. “You know, considering we just brought you back to life.” 

The droid straightens a bit, his photoreceptors slowly blinking back at her. If he were human, she would have said that hit home, but with Kay, you can never be sure. 

In that moment of dead silence a visibly uncomfortable Han Solo emerges from the cockpit, making his way along the wall to the corridor with raised hands. 

“Ah, don’t mind me, I just need to get to the engineering station, carry on…” 

But Cassian seems to be finished, anyway. He stomps off toward the sleeping quarters, brushing past Jyn in a way that causes her to freeze for a moment. As soon as he is gone, Bodhi immediately comes over and guides her to the bench, squeezing in beside Baze, so Jyn can fit on the edge. 

Solo looks around uncomfortably, but doesn’t comment for once and disappears towards the engineering station. 

Jyn allows herself to sink against Bodhi’s side, sighing. “Well. I admit, this wasn’t really what I expected.” 

Bodhi responds by lightly putting his arm around her shoulder, careful not to touch any of her injuries, but she can feel the tension in his body.

Chirrut’s expression is serious, as if he is still trying to figure out what all this means. In contrast, Baze doesn’t seem affected. “It will be fine,” he says, leaning over Bodhi to look Jyn in the eye. “Trust me.” 

Kay still hasn’t moved and stands motionless in the center of the hold, except for the occasional blink of his photoreceptors. _Why does he do that, anyway?_ Jyn wonders idly. _Is that part of the programming, to let him appear more human? And which part of the programming, the Imperial part or whatever Cassian has added?_

“You shouldn’t go through Cassian’s things,” the droid says, lamely. “He really doesn’t like that.” 

“Oh _stars_ ,” Jyn mutters and glares darkly at K-2. “Seriously, don’t make me regret that I helped bring you back.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry Han is always my comic relief - or wait, actually I'm not. ;D


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the last chapter, Jyn, Cassian and Winter managed to escape from the Corellian swoop gang that held them prisoner. Of course, they had some expected - and some unexpected - help. It turned out, though, that Cassian was not exactly thrilled that the Rogues had decided to take matters into their own hands regarding K-2SO.
> 
> This chapter starts right where we left off last time. It's a quiet one - but some important things are worked out between the characters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trust me, this is the chapter you've been waiting for. ;) I hope you guys like it!
> 
> Thank you [imsfire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imsfire/pseuds/imsfire), as always, for beta-reading and feedback <3

### 

Jyn

Later, Jyn finds herself wandering through the ship. She doesn’t go back to her bunk. As much as she wants to, as much as she knows that she really needs the rest, she also has no doubt about the fact that she won’t be able to sleep anyway. 

In the _Falcon’s_ main hold, K-2 is watching Baze and Chirrut play dejarik against Chewbacca. Or rather, Chirrut is playing; Baze describes the moves and positions of the figures to him, and Chirrut decides on the strategy. Jyn has never heard Baze’s voice like this. Usually it sounds either sarcastic, or annoyed, or grumpy. Now, it’s just… soft. 

Something tugs inside her chest, painfully, so she drops her gaze, moves on. Everyone else has retreated somewhere and the ship is eerily quiet. From the cockpit she can hear the murmuring voices of Solo and Winter. Carefully, she places one foot in front of the other, concentrates on rolling through her feet while walking as softly as she possibly can, without making a sound. Like a ghost, haunting this little bubble of air inside the vastness of space. Not really belonging here, but not anywhere else either.

After a few rounds she has to stop her aimless walking, because the nausea begins to return. The medics back at the Alliance probably wouldn’t recommend walking as a remedy for a concussion. Also the _Falcon_ is not that big, and she doesn’t want to entice snarky comments from K-2 every time she passes him. 

The spot she finally chooses is the almost empty cargo bay where she sits down in a dark corner and leans against the bulkhead. Sighing, she stretches out her legs in front of her and rests her head against the hard surface behind, imagining the dark void of space just on the other side. It feels strangely comforting to think of the stillness outside, to imagine letting herself fall into this eternity of peace and quiet. Just letting go of everything for a moment.

Only her mind doesn’t want to let go. Questions pop up like clouds in her head, darkening the fragile peace she has found wandering through the ship. How is it going to be from now on? Will it be awkward between Cassian, Kay and her now? Will he revert to just being her captain ( _has he ever been anything else?_ ), will he want to keep them as his team at all, or will he revert to going on missions alone with his droid? She still does not regret for a second that they took the risk to get a new body for K-2, but she can’t help but feel a sting at the realization that this might mean that he no longer needs them. The sting cuts itself deep into her heart and spreads until her entire upper body feels as if it is made of stone. She has to breathe deeply to try and defeat the oncoming wave of constriction that makes her chest tight.

 _This is good_ , says a small, mean voice inside her head. _This is how it should be. He is just your captain, nothing more. It is a good thing if it stays that way. You got way too close to… something else._

 _Something else._ Jyn hugs herself, angrily trying to scare those thoughts away, but it doesn’t work. Even her absolute physical exhaustion is not able to hold all these familiar thoughts at bay, as they try to make themselves at home in her mind once more. 

_I have committed myself to this life now. They gave me a rank and everything. I can’t leave just because this upholding of military discipline above all else rubs me the wrong way. It would be unfair, to Bodhi, to Baze, to Chirrut._

But the anger bubbles up, unbidden. It is not directed at Cassian, or anyone, really; just at the world, circumstances, the Rebellion, the Empire. It makes her feel helpless, which she hates, and all of this mess of feelings reminds her of how she used to feel the last years with Saw. Saw, her adoptive father, used to absolute obedience. And for a time, she had been content to give it, because he had been the one that had saved her, the one person to take care of her after her parents had been taken from her. Until the bitter realization hit that life doesn’t always reward you for unconditional obedience and trust, however trustworthy a person might seem to be. Or however long you thought you knew them.

_You will be disappointed, every time. There is no one to look out for you, except yourself._

_Only that is not true,_ Jyn defends herself against the mean voice. _Not now. There are Bodhi, Chirrut and Baze. And the stupid, stubborn one with the crazy droid. He had my back out there. He always has._

“Mind if I join you?” 

Startled, Jyn opens her eyes and sees Winter looking down at her. 

“Why would you want to join me here?” she replies weakly, lifting one corner of her mouth. “It’s not very comfortable and quite cold, actually.” 

Winter has a sly smile on her face. “I imagine. Still?”

Jyn makes an inviting gesture. “If you want. Plenty of room here.” 

While Winter settles down beside her, Jyn wonders what this woman is motivated by. She kind of likes her, but she cannot figure her out yet. They don’t know each other at all, so what can she possibly want?

“I never thanked you for rescuing me. So thank you.” 

Jyn stares at her for a second, nonplussed. “You really don’t have to thank me,” she finally says. “Or, if you want to thank someone, then maybe the whole team. All I did was shoot and get shot.”

Winter laughs, which is a pleasant sound. Her voice, her whole demeanor is regal, quite different from that of the real princess Jyn knows back on the _Liberty_. In contrast to Leia’s loud, commanding, occasionally raspy voice, Winter’s is soft and melodic. Even in the practical, unremarkable grey shirt and pants she wears, still dirty from fighting and imprisonment, the Alderaanian looks noble. Maybe it is the way she holds herself, Jyn decides. Always upright, always proud.

“You know that that’s not true, right? I know your spirits are down right now, but that is no reason to sell yourself short. You remember how many of those thugs you took out? And in your condition? Because I do.” 

_Right. Creepy woman with the holographic memory._ Jyn sighs, but she knows of course that Winter is right. She doesn’t usually have a disposition for understatement, but right now… she just feels useless. It had been frustrating to not be at her full capacity in the fight. And then Cassian’s angry outburst… 

Winter shifts to look more intently at her, which makes Jyn even more uncomfortable. “Look…” the Alderaanian says, “I know I’m probably overstepping my bounds, but I couldn’t help overhearing part of your argument back there, and then I noticed you wandering around the ship like a sleepwalker, so I just wanted to say this.” 

_Yes, you are overstepping your bounds._ Jyn is about to intervene, but Winter lifts her hand. “Just… let me finish this, please? Indulge me? I know that technically speaking I don’t know you, but I cannot stand by and watch when two people tear themselves apart like this. I just wanted to say, _it will be okay_. I saw how you two look out for each other, how you throw yourself in the line of fire for him, how the first thing he always looks for is if you are safe or in need of help. What you have is powerful. I don’t think military structure or any such nonsense can get between the two of you.”

Jyn stares at the woman, mute. What is she even talking about? How– _Is it that obvious?_ What gives her the right– _How did she figure this out in just a few hours?_ Winter just smiles softly and warmly, as if she can read her mind. How old is this woman? She can’t be older than Jyn herself… didn’t Cassian’s files say _fucking_ _nineteen_ or something? 

“You are overstepping your bounds,” Jyn finally says out loud, but there is no force behind her words. She can’t talk about this, doesn’t _want_ to talk about this, especially not with a stranger. It feels as if this thing, this… friendship she has with Cassian needs to be protected by holding it as close to her heart as she can. _Don’t let anyone else see it, or it might dissolve into thin air like a dream._

 _She already saw it_ , one of the annoying voices inside her head chimes in. _Without anyone showing her._

Winter’s smile turns rueful. “I’m sorry if I bothered you. It’s just - these times we live in are unpredictable. One minute you have a home planet, the next, it’s gone. It’s why I have resolved to tell anyone to seize any form of happiness they can, whenever they can. Don’t let something like this pass you by for the wrong reasons.” 

_She can’t be nineteen. Impossible._

Winter gracefully rises and says, “Well, again, I’m sorry. I only mean well. I think I will try to get some sleep, now.” 

Jyn only nods, still mute. She listens to Winter’s receding footfalls, then decides to finally get over herself and go to her bunk. Fortunately, when she arrives, their cabin is dark and the only sound is Bodhi’s and Cassian’s quiet breathing. _Not the worst sound to fall asleep to_ , she thinks, before exhaustion finally takes over.

### 

Cassian

When they arrive back at the _Liberty_ , Leia is waiting for them. A lone figure, still clad in white, even though she has long exchanged her senatorial gowns for a practical jacket and pants. As soon as she sees Winter, a big grin spreads over the princess’s face and she rushes to intercept them at the bottom of the _Falcon’s_ ramp. She pulls Winter into an embrace and her grin transforms into a happy smile when she closes her eyes to hold her friend tight for a moment. They both laugh and start chatting a second later, and Cassian is moved, somehow. The sheer open joy makes the princess look younger, and it is easy to imagine them both as children, playing secret agents and annoying adults. Cassian steals a sideways glance at Jyn, who has stopped at the bottom of the ramp right beside him. Her lips are pressed together and she has a hollow, haunted expression that feels painfully familiar. Jyn has never had the opportunity to have this kind of friendship with someone her own age. Neither has he. 

He lightly touches her shoulder, nudging her softly on, so they don’t stand in everyone’s way. Jyn seems to shake herself out of her brooding, but only acknowledges him with a brief side glance, drops her gaze and all of them make their way to debrief. 

After debrief, she just disappears, and he doesn’t see her for a while.

***

A few days pass in which the Rogues get some well-deserved rest and time to heal. Cassian has plenty of time to think, considering Jyn seems to avoid him now, and the rest of the team also keep a careful distance. He welcomes the space, because he can really use the time to come to a decision, but it takes a conscious effort to shove down other feelings whenever they come up and distract him. 

He obfuscated the details of K-2’s return in his mission report, knowing that the other Rogues wouldn’t say anything, and since Draven is gone and Kay hadn’t really been popular with the other Rebels anyway, no one asks too many questions. It seems as if no one had expected him to be without Kay for too long, which is a little irritating but also endearing, somehow. 

Some people greet him while he walks down one of the Mon Cal cruiser’s blinding white corridors, but he only returns the greetings absent-mindedly, because his head is elsewhere. He has requested a meeting with Mon Mothma to talk about his next assignments and the composition of his team. If he is to work with the Rogues again, he needs to make them understand the importance of the chain of command, which is something he is sure won’t go over well. He trusts them with his life, thinks highly of all their individual abilities, but he will - at least for the foreseeable future - always be the one in charge, the one responsible for keeping everyone alive and the Alliance protected. His stomach twists when he thinks about it, but he doesn’t know if he can continue to do that with them. Their unsanctioned excursion on Corellia had him almost in a panic even after the fact. 

A part of him knows with unshakeable certainty that the most sensible thing would be to go back to working with Kay alone, but a different part of him also knows that Scarif has made it impossible. He doesn’t _want_ to return to that life. It would destroy him, complete a process that had only been halted by recent events, and wipe away whatever is left of Cassian Andor for good. He _wants_ to have this little band of Rebel misfits around him, even if it means that he will worry himself to death over any one of them. Even if every one of them thinks they know what’s best all the time. Only he doesn’t know how to responsibly do it. Especially with Jyn around. He instinctively knows that he would be in serious danger of sacrificing any mission objective if it meant saving her life. _It is too dangerous._ It is only fair that Mon Mothma should know how compromised he is now. 

He is so deep in thoughts that he almost runs into Chirrut, who suddenly appears in his path. 

“Captain,” he says, and Cassian almost jumps. “Might I have a word?” 

“Actually I’m on my way to a meeting right now, so maybe later…” 

“It’s important.” Chirrut nudges him in the direction of a door Cassian recognizes by the signage as leading to a storage room. The expression on the Guardian’s face leaves little doubt that he won’t be declined.

“I… have a few minutes, I guess.” Sighing, Cassian warily follows the Guardian through the door into the half-empty room. It is uncanny how Chirrut always seems to know his way around, despite being blind.

“Do you remember Scarif, Captain?” 

_What kind of question is this?_ “Yes, obviously.” Cassian has trouble suppressing the urge to tap his foot impatiently. 

“Then you remember that it took all of us to achieve the goal, right? Every single one of us.”

Cassian swallows. Chirrut has always made him feel a little uneasy, but this situation tops it all. 

“What do you want to say, Chirrut?” 

“Nothing you don’t already know. I only wanted to remind you of what’s possible with a team.” 

Now the Guardian has this annoying, serene smile on his lips, as if he knows something everyone else doesn’t. Cassian is not sure if he should be disturbed or annoyed - instead he feels slightly taken aback, defensive, even.

“Okay, I get it. This is about Corellia, right, and what I told you on the _Falcon_? I’m sorry, Chirrut, but it still stands. I have to be able to trust that you and everyone else will follow my orders and not go behind my back, even if it is to do me a favor.”

The Guardian’s expression is undecipherable. _Or reproachful? Definitely reproachful._ For a few seconds none of them speaks.

When Cassian’s impatience gets the better of him, he continues, frustrated, “Look, I know most of you aren’t used to military structures, which is fine. My background is different than yours. But please understand: life and death depend on the decisions you make as a superior officer. I can’t run that risk with all of you.” Cassian knows he has left half of it unspoken, but somehow he is sure that Chirrut _knows_ , anyway. When the not-a-Jedi still doesn’t say anything, he adds, “This is about what’s best for the Rebellion, and what’s best for _you_. All of you. You have to understand that.” 

“And what about what’s best for _you_ , Captain?” 

“What?” 

Chirrut doesn’t repeat his words, just waits, serenely drawing invisible circles with his staff on the floor. 

Cassian is flustered. He grabs onto the lifeline that is his chrono and silently thanks the force that it confirms his thoughts. “I have to go. I will be late for my meeting.” 

He has already turned to leave when Chirrut softly says “Captain. You managed to free yourself from your prison, remember? Don’t go back there. Don’t make the same mistake again.”

Cassian stops in his tracks but doesn’t turn around as the memory from Saw Gerrera’s prison cell manifests itself in his mind. This is why Chirrut always makes him feel uncomfortable. It is the way he _always_ _knows_.

“I have to leave. Sorry, Chirrut.” 

He is already out in the corridor when he hears Chirrut call after him “Oh, and one more thing: Baze said to tell you ‘For fuck’s sake, talk to Jyn’. His words, not mine.” 

Cassian tries hard to not let his embarrassment show when he hastily walks away as fast as he can.

### 

Jyn

Jyn does what she always does in situations like this. She tries to walk it off. Or rather, jump, punch and kick it off. Luckily for her, the _Liberty_ does have a small training facility that is not submerged in water, even if it is small – but that does not bother her, because when she goes there at night hours, it’s always empty. During the afternoons, she sometimes trains recruits in hand-to-hand combat here. During the night, she comes here when she feels that her muscles are not sore enough yet, when her mind is still too restless, too occupied with adjusting to her new life. Before Corellia, she had thought that she had managed to settle in, to feel comfortable; she had even stopped sleeping with a blaster in arm’s reach. But now, the restlessness is back, and she can’t let it out anywhere else. 

She partly knows where this need comes from - Winter’s words won’t leave her mind, and neither do Cassian’s. She hasn’t really talked to him in over a week now. Both of them briefly checked into the medbay, but only for a quick check-up on their injuries and some bacta patches and medication. He didn’t show up in the mess hall at lunch times, and as nice as it is to spend time with Bodhi, Chirrut and Baze, sometimes even with Leia or Han and Chewie, it’s not the same if he isn’t there with them. Chirrut has gotten a tendency to look concerned and slightly unhappy whenever he sees her, which irritates her so much that as a consequence, Jyn now tends to avoid him, too. (Although it’s difficult to manage with Chirrut. If he really wants to find you, he always seems to find a way.) 

Without thinking Jyn goes through some of her usual routines, punching, kicking, until her breath comes short and the annoying chatter in her head dims down to just a murmur. Just when she has begun to relax, she hears the characteristic hiss the doors on the _Liberty_ make. She whirls around and abruptly comes to a halt, fists still raised.

It’s Cassian. He hovers uneasily for a few seconds, but then takes a few steps into the room.

“Do you need a sparring partner?” he asks.

Jyn laughs disbelievingly and finally lowers her fists. “You mean - you? No, I’m not fighting you. No offense, but you’re no match for me.” 

Cassian lifts one corner of his mouth and shrugs. “I can hold my own. Probably not against you, I admit.” 

“So you came here to get beaten up? Because we don’t have enough of that in our lives?”

“Maybe I came here to be taught.” 

“Great, practice hours are from 1500 to 1700. Come back tomorrow.” She tries not to sound surly, but can’t quite hide her impatience. _Why can’t he straight up say what he wants? He’s surely_ not _here for close combat training._

Cassian lets his gaze drop to the floor and thereby proves her right. Jyn crosses her arms and waits. He seems frustrated, or maybe uneasy, but if he wants something, he has to spill it himself. She won’t make it easier for him. 

When he finally gets it together and his eyes meet hers, his expression is hard, distant almost. “I wanted to say I’m sorry. I did appreciate what you did for me back on Corellia. I haven’t said that before, but I’m remedying that mistake now.” 

Jyn presses her lips together in an attempt to keep her feelings in check. “You should say that to the others, not to me. They did all the work.” 

“Not _all_ the work, clearly. But yes, I know. I will.” He nods to himself, absent-mindedly rapping his knuckles against the padded wall. 

“Is that all? Because I would like to get on with my workout.” 

Cassian’s gaze darts back to her, faintly surprised, or maybe a little hurt.

Jyn inwardly flinches a little. She doesn’t want this, despite everything, it’s not her intention to hurt him – _but he kind of had it coming, why doesn’t he spill it already–_

“I’ll be gone for a week, maybe two,” he says in a deliberately light, clearly fake tone. _Ah. There it is._ _And this guy is supposed to be a master spy._ “Just running an errand with K-2, nothing big.” 

Jyn nods to herself, still keeping her face muscles in check. She gives the bag in front of her a good punch, resuming her routine. 

“You don’t have to sign off with me, you know. You could just go.” She keeps moving while she watches Cassian from the corner of her eye. The fingers tapping against the wall are now a fist. 

“Would you stop for just a minute?” He takes two steps forward until he is on the training mat, deliberately stepping inside her radius. His expression, mostly neutral until now, has changed into something Jyn can’t really place. His dark eyes are piercing her with that cold fire again, and she doesn’t like it one bit. 

She stops, raising her open hands in a desperate gesture, reciprocating the stare. “What?! What do I have to do so you leave me in peace?”

That must have hurt, as it was intended to this time, but Cassian just angrily shakes his head, crossing his arms. 

“Just listen to me for a minute? I know you’re angry, okay? I get it. But you have to understand that you put me in an impossible position. The Alliance is a military organization. I am your superior officer. I cannot let things like your unsanctioned mission go unnoticed, or Alliance command will reassign me faster than you can say ‘Sithspit’. If they think I can’t handle my team, because they don’t listen to my orders, then, well: Command will separate us, and they would be right to do it.” In his agitation he has come forward a few steps more, now standing right in front of her. Jyn makes an effort to not draw back, to stand her ground.

“It’s okay, Cassian.” She says in what she hopes passes for a calm and even voice, even though she feels more like choking. “I won’t be in your way.” The end of the sentence is little more than a whisper.

His eyes widen only a little, but it doesn’t escape Jyn’s notice. “It’s not – you’re not in my _way_. It’s not about that, damn it! The Rebellion, this here,” he gestures to the walls around him, “it doesn’t _work_ without discipline. Discipline, _not keeping secrets_ , is the difference between life or death. I thought you all knew that. I don’t want to play the captain. Not with you. I _hate_ that you made me.”

Cassian’s eyes are still blazing with anger, but there is something else underneath, now, something raw, desperate. Jyn can only stare at him, tongue-tied. She doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t have the words. A small part of her mind whispers, _Maybe ‘I’m sorry’ would be the right thing_ , but she doesn’t _feel_ sorry. She understands where he’s coming from, but she still can’t make herself regret the decision they made.

“You would never have approved,” she finally says in a flat voice.

“Yes, that’s kind of the point - but also not, Jyn…” He helplessly trails off, his anger apparently giving way to frustration. In that moment, he looks as lost as she feels. “As I was saying, I will be on this run with Kay, but that’s because it’s only a rendezvous with a contact. Nothing big. I don’t know what’s next after that. But it’s probably better if we don’t go on missions together. For a while at least.”

A little inward flame flickers to life again. “And you decided that just like that, for all of us? After one mission? Talked to the boss and everything?” 

Cassian’s silence is confirmation enough.

“And why is it better? What if we said we don’t do this again, we won’t go behind your back again – would that change anything?” 

He just mutely shakes his head, avoiding to look at her. 

“Why, Cassian? Please tell me, because I really can’t follow you anymore.” _Breathe, breathe._ The chest pain is back. 

“Jyn, I–“ 

“Look, I know, we aren’t exactly exemplary little model soldiers, but has everyone forgotten Scarif and how amazing we were, and–“ She tries to hold the wave of desperation at bay that suddenly wants to overtake her, push the memories of a very real wave down… 

“No, Jyn, I…” He runs a hand over his face, shakes his head, his expression just one painful frown. “It’s not that, it’s…” Again, he trails off, just looking at her in a way that tugs at something unexpected. “It’s not only that, it’s not just you, it’s me. It’s dangerous, being on a mission with you, I am too afraid that something could happen, I–, I’m not thinking clearly when you’re around.” It sounds like he had to force that out.

 _Not thinking clearly… what?_ Jyn is transfixed, caught between anger, desperation, wonder, and something else, while the implications sink in. Cassian seems frozen to the spot, too. For several moments, no one breaks the silence. Then, all of Jyn’s anger is suddenly gone, evaporated. 

“I’m… what are you talking about?” she asks warily, not trusting her interpretation of his words. “I can protect myself, you know that. You just said so yourself.” _Just stall. He can’t really have meant what I thought he meant._

To her surprise, Cassian lets out a laugh and looks to the side. “I know. It’s foolish. Trust me, I know that, too. But in this life I’m living - that we’re living - some things are just out of your hands…” 

_And those things he fears most of all,_ she finishes his sentence in her mind. Jyn feels a surge of something warm but also painful, recognizing herself in his words. He still won’t look at her and it irritates her, she needs this now, needs to look in his eyes to understand, to seek confirmation. 

She takes one step forward and reaches for Cassian’s arm. He almost flinches at the touch, but it does the trick and his gaze flies to hers. She inclines her head and looks at him earnestly, to show him that she is serious. “Is there a rule against that? Being afraid for… your friends?”

Cassian looks at her warily, as if he thinks she is somehow going to trick him. “No, of course not, but…”

Jyn shakes her head, interrupting him. “I promise, we won’t go behind your back again. I think I understand now.” She holds his gaze, needing him to see that she really means this. A part of her mind notes that he hasn’t withdrawn or shaken off her hand. “I just wanted to see you happy,” she continues softly. “The others, too. We care about you, you know. Rogue One is… we are… we _are_ more than a military unit, you know? I sleep better when I’m able to protect them. And that’s a lot easier when I’m right beside them. When I’m with all of you, wherever they send us. However dangerous it may be. I don’t care about that. I just want to be near you. So please, don’t shut me out?” _Together. Like Scarif… Shit, I said way too much._ But the mere thought of Cassian going on missions without her – without the protection of his team – tugs at her heartstrings in the most terrible way. It is just not an option. 

“I don’t want to… shut you out,” Cassian sighs. Jyn has never before noticed how beautiful his eyelashes are and spends a moment marveling at them. They are so close now that she notices that his breathing seems to have gone a little unsteady. It almost sounds choked when he says, “I want to be near you, too”, so low that one might easily miss it. The way he says it makes it clear that he is not talking about the team. Something inside Jyn lights itself on fire, as if it has only waited for this moment to finally be set free.

A quick image shoots through her head, of her and Cassian in an elevator, light from outside washing over them and receding, but she quickly shakes it off. This is the same, but also different. This time, she won’t hesitate.

His gaze is searching for hers now, she finds the last bit of confirmation she needs, and then their lips find each other. Careful, so very careful and soft at first, but when both of them notice that the other is not drawing back, but leaning in instead, the kiss quickly grows hungrier and more confident. Jyn finds herself reaching up, reaching to curl her hand into the hair at the back of his head to slightly draw him down to her, and his arms are suddenly around her, holding her tenderly like something fragile, one hand wandering up to her neck, her cheek, to stroke it softly. It feels unbelievably good, warm, intoxicating. They only break the kiss to breathe, holding on to each other like drowning people, as if determined never to let each other go again.

Jyn tugs at his shirt, steering them into a wall she can lean against, while she never stops kissing him, not wanting to ever break the moment, in case one of them decides to reconsider this. She needs this now. Cassian is holding her face, kissing her tenderly in one moment, the next, his hands slide down her arms and then her sides, drawing back a little to ask her permission with a look. When it is given, he tugs at her shirt and slides his hands under it, now roaming over her bare skin, which makes Jyn shudder. 

“I’m sorry I’m sweaty,” she murmurs against his mouth.

“I don’t care,” is his breathless reply.

His fingers brush the sides of her breasts, and Jyn gasps. A part of her wonders in the back of her mind if this is too fast, but no. Who knows how much time they have left? It feels so good to be pressed against him like that, to feel, to touch, to be touched like this… Her thoughts dissolve into something mushy.

“Should we maybe move this somewhere else?” she manages to ask between two kisses with the last bit of sense that she has left.

Cassian just nods quickly, and she takes his hand and drags him to the door. Just before it opens with a hiss, she lets go, remembering that a capital ship never really sleeps and despite the hour there will be people in the corridors. 

They briskly walk to Cassian’s quarters, never letting more than an arm’s length of distance come between them, side-eyeing each other like silly people, and Jyn has to suppress grinning like a drugged fool. They only meet two people on their way, a Mon Calamari Jyn doesn’t know, and the Skywalker kid, who gives them a friendly nod, but looks a bit bewildered at their pace and that they don’t stop to chat. When they are around the next corner and out of his sight, Jyn can’t help herself any longer and breaks into a muffled laugh. Cassian mutters with a half-smile, “I don’t want to know what story he is going to tell the princess tomorrow.” 

“It’s a good thing I don’t care,” Jyn says, leaning against the bulkhead and giving Cassian entirely too little personal space while he keys in the door code to his quarters. 

With a glance left and right she quickly vanishes inside after him. Right after the door has slid closed and Cassian has pressed the button to lock it, she finds herself pressed up against the wall, entangled in another passionate kiss. Jyn holds on to him, presses her hands against his back, as if she could bring him any closer than he already is. But it isn’t enough. Reaching under the hem of Cassian’s shirt, she slides her hands under it and up, relishing the feeling of his warm skin and muscles under her hands.

Cassian lets out a tiny sigh but draws back a little. “Do you really want this?” he asks, tugging a little at her shirt, and Jyn can’t help but close her eyes for a moment and smile. _Actually I have wanted this for such a fucking long time. You have no idea._

The only words that pass her lips are, though, “Yes. Do you?” 

“Stars, yes,” he says in a low, gravelly voice that should be forbidden for the things it does to Jyn. He removes her shirt, tugging it swiftly over her head, and she returns the favor. She loves the look on his face, a softness, openness she has never seen before, and a part of her is completely in awe that she is allowed to see this. His hands on her skin feel like a thousand sparks, the only thing better than that is when later both of their bodies are pressed flush together with nothing in between to separate them any longer. 


End file.
